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Parental Ways To UnMask Emo Children

Updated on June 2, 2011

Is your child angst-ridden to the point of being "emo"? Short for emotional, the term "emo" was originally coined in the eighties to describe a musical genre that sounded punk rock but contained confessional, emotional truth. Over the years, the word has evolved into something more than just a musical type. It is a fashion statement (faces covered in layered bangs, dark-colored tops, and skinny jeans are the norm) and a subculture that has teens acting miserable and brooding.

Emo denotes an attitude that is not rebellious per se because it is mostly introspective in tone. It seems extreme because we are not use to such overt displays of emotionality-rage, disillusionment, and despondency. It's a way of looking at life at its most loathsome and deplorable state. Once you cultivate that mind-set, it evolves into some type of alternative lifestyle.

Being Emo is a teen trend because the rebellious stage happens as early as first year of secondary school. It is the time when feelings as the primary validation of their experiences. What they feel is more important than what is reasonable.

Some emo kids are easy to spot because of their outward appearance, but as a whole they look darkly serious and somber. They're more melancholic than angry. They have a tendency to be morbid but not necessarily sinister. These highly sensitive teens are full of disappointments; some have unsuccessful relationships since they tend to be needy and controlling - even resorting to emotional blackmail just to get their way.

And while experiencing sadness is a process each teen must face, those of the emo set take it one step further. The usual depressed teen wants to know what is wrong and tries to get out of his slump or seeks help. The emo wears his sadness like a badge. It makes him feel that it's 'in' to be problematic. He likes to wallow and perhaps even feed the sadness. Some emo extremists even resort to self-mutilation to perversely celebrate pain then wear their scars proudly like medals. The goal is for people to take notice, but no amount of attention will ever be enough. If your child comes home looking emo, don't be too quick to judge. A tween daughter may simply be copying a current fashion style that's big in her class, while a teenage son might just enjoy applying "guyliner" (eyeliner for guys).

A good parental way is to observe and answer questions like "why is my child doing this? why is he so preoccupied with this trend? What is missing in his life?" Be present and lend an ear. Being emo is a call for help. Before tellingyour children what they must do, listen to them first. They want to be heard, not listen to a sermon. They do not want to be judged, so a hysterical reaction from parents will not help .If your teenager is just experimenting, talk to him and set limits. It's not about banning or censoring. Be flexible enough to negotiate with your teen as far as these limits are concerned. Remind them of the consequences if they fail to follow the limits. Communication helps build a successful relationship, so the best parental way is have regular talks with your kids. Express genuine interest and concern. Express genuine interest and concern. Gradually, they will open up and let parents help sort out their confusing feelings. Help out in the following development areas.

· Articulating their feelings. Knowing one's emotions as they occur is a central element in emotional maturity. Ask: Why this happened, what did you feel?

· Managing their emotions. A key skill that will help your child through life is being able to keep his negative feelings in check. Learning to do this will keep him from being carried away or being gripped by low feeling over a long period of time. Ask: When you threw a tantrum, did people like you for doing that?

· Being sensitive to other people's feelings. Help your son or daughter see that others also go through low periods but are able to overcome the stage. Introducing them to select people to dialogue and interact with, and perhaps be inspired by, may focus their attention on others instead of what they feel.

· Being more productive. Help them channel their energy toward a productive end such as art, music, and writing.

· Empowering them. Give them responsibility. Opportunities to exercise thinking and judging what best to do, despite not feeling so great, can help lift their disposition. While these parental ways may guide your angst-ridden adolescent to becoming a well-rounded teen, ensure that your aim is not secretly forcing your child to be less emo. Instead, focus on giving him the freedom to make informed choices that can help him become an emotionally mature and happy.

Source

 


Emo denotes an attitude that is not rebellious per se because it is mostily introspective in tone. It seems extreme because we are not use to such overt displays of emotonality-rage, disillusionment, and despondency. It's a way of looking at life at its most loathsome and deplorable state. Once you cultivate that mindset, it evolves into some type of alternative lifestyle.

Being Emo is a teen trend because the rebellious stage happens as early as first year of secondary school. It is the time when feelings as the primary validatoin of their experiences. What they feel is more important than what is reasonable.

Some emo kids are easy to spot because of their outward appearance, but as a whole they look darkly serious and somber. They're more melancholic than angry. They have a tendency to be morbid but not necessarily sinister. These highly sensitive teens are full of disappointments; some have unsuccessful relationships since they tend to be needy and controlling - even resorting to emotional blackmail just to get their way.

And while experiencing sadness is a process each teen must face, those of the emo set take it one step further. The usual depressed teen wants to know what is wrong and tries to get out of his slump or seeks help. The emo wears his sadness like a badge. It makes him feel that it's 'in' to be problematic. He likes to wallow and perhaps even feed the sadness. Some emo extremists even resort to self-mutilation to perversely celebrate pain then wear their scars proudly like medals. The goal is for people to take notice, but no amount of attention will ever be enough. If your child comes home looking emo, don't be too quick to judge. A tween daughter may simply be copying a current fashion style that's big in her class, while a teenage son might just enjoy applying "guyliner" (eyeliner for guys).


Source

 

A good parental way is to observe and answer questions like "why is my child doing this? why is he so preoccupied with this trend? What is missing in his life?" Be present and lend an ear. Being emo is a call for help. Before tellingyour children what they must do, listen to them first. They want to be heard, not listen to a sermon. They do not want to be judged, so a hysterical reaction from parents will not help .If your teenager is just experimenting, talk to him and set limits. It's not about banning or censoring . Be flexible enough to negotiate with your teen as far as these limits are concerned. Remind them of the consequences if they fail to follow the limits. Communication helps build a successful relationship, so the best parental way is have regular talks with your kids. Express genuine interest and concern. Express genuine interest and concern. Gradually, they will open up and let parents help sort out their confusing feelings. Help out in the following development areas.
  • Articulating their feelings. Knowing one's emotions as they occur is a central element in emotional maturity. Ask: Whey this happened, what did you feel?
  • Managing their emotions. A key skill that will help your child through life is being able to keep his negative feelings in check. Learning to do this will keep him from being carried away or being gripped by low feeling over a long period of time. Ask: When you threw a tantrum, did people like you for doing that?
  • Being sensitive to other people's feelings. Help your son or daughter see that others also go through low periods but are able to overcome the stage. Introducing them to select people to dialogue and interact with, and perhaps be inspired by, may focus their attention on others instead of what they feel.
  • Being more productive. Help them channel their energy toward a productive end such as art, music, and writing.
  • Empowering them. Give them responsibility. Opportunities to exercise thinking and judging what best to do, despite not feeling so great, can help lift their disposition. While these parental ways may guide your angst-ridden adolescent to becoming a well-rounded teen, ensure that your aim is not secretly forcing your child to be less emo. Instead, focus on giving him the freedom to make informed choices that can help him become an emotionally mature and happy.

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    • profile image

      Rayne 

      4 months ago

      Wow this is crap I am emo and it is about the life style and the music also the fashion statements! AND EVRY PERSON IS DIFFERENT! So f u say something to another emo they be ok with it but another emo might find it very offensive and run just like me!

    • profile image

      7 months ago

      This is so not true. Most emos are emo because of the music, because of the style, and because other emos understand their thoughts. Also, you should like emos, because they really can express theirselves through art, music and style. There's nothing rebellious about it. (By the way, being emo is not a trend at all). And like, not all emos do selfharm or are suicidal. I even think less than 25%.

    • profile image

      komrade 

      3 years ago

      i am an emo and this article is rediculous. um, for starters emos are just creative sould who like to express theirself through music, art, creativity, and clothing, as well as hair and makeup. many are fans of anime, or japanese animation, which is where some of the colorful and crazy hair may come from. hurting yourself isn't cool, it is only for attention because i have done it. and my friend who did it showed it off, just like everyone else who did it. but i got help for my depression. just encourage your kid to express themselves, because when my parents didn't, that was one reason why i cut. that not only did people at school not accept me, but my very own parents didn't accept me.

    • profile image

      K.W. 

      4 years ago

      Emo is short for Emotional. This refers to the emotion ridden teens(and young adults), that are dealing with emotions they have no answer for. The issue with cutting (and other forms of 'self-mutilation'), is that it's not just a "trend". I have emotional issues, and recently I took heat as an escape. It's not healthy, nor normal, but it was an effective coping mechanism. To parents, don't treat this as a "how-to guide", on "treating" emo teens. It has very good points, but there's one thing that is sadly absent from the advice. Every person is different! They react to things differently. What one 'emo' teen may respond to, another may perceive as a hostile action, and run from it, possibly becoming more self-destructive in the process, potentially ending with suicide. You need to achieve a level of patience and understanding that is foreign to people today, even from previous generations, in order to properly help your teens. Medication, while helpful, is NOT A CURE ALL ANSWER. The human brain is still far too unknown to rely on pills to help, so you need to first understand what it is your teen is feeling, and see how you can help them cope. Things as simple as exercise, or assisting your teen with following a healthy diet. Help them find something they truly enjoy, anything from playing guitar to molding clay, something that they can use as a release, it doesn't matter how silly it seems to you. Just.... try and understand them. As difficult as it seems. Do your best to avoid unintentionally making them feel isolated or alone, and if you do, you need to show them that their accepted for how they are.

    • profile image

      Lorna 

      5 years ago

      You only say that that the writers is wrong because you don't have a kids that commit suicide yet. I'm trying to save my son right now and this article really help me understand . Thank you

    • profile image

      L.Polska 

      6 years ago

      Wow. Who wrote this? Because said writer is an IDIOT. You're attempting to treat this 'emo teen' like a child, like a five year old. Manipulating them to your perfect view. Leave your kids to be who they want, for god's sake! This could be seen as really offensive as well, were any of the 'emo kids' to come across this article.

      Also, your editors failed.

      Ok, thanks, bye.

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