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Good Parenting Through Building Relationship

Updated on June 18, 2012
One Key to Building Relationship with Kids
One Key to Building Relationship with Kids | Source

Introduction

Adam had surprised me. Normally his eyes were dull, vague and unfocused—filled with spinning daydreams or too many late-night hours in front of the x-box. Today, however, as he came bustling up to me with a wide grin on his face, his eyes were brilliant with excitement.

Then, for the first time in months, he actually spoke, “You know what, Mr. Thompson?” I smiled at him and shook my head. “I’m going fishing this weekend!”

“Really?” I said, unsure why a simple fishing trip would so transform this bright but deeply apathetic thirteen-year-old, “That’s cool.”

“Yeah,” he said again. “My dad’s going to take me.”

Yes. His dad.

The Tragedy of Broken Relationships
The Tragedy of Broken Relationships | Source

If only his dad could have seen his son Adam when he returned on Monday—his arms firmly crossed, the deep scowl on his face, and the smoldering anger that were the only signs of his self worth crumbling to dust. This, sadly, was more like the Adam I had come to know. Now I knew why.

Of course, Adam’s father did not intend to end up in this kind of relationship with his son. No one makes plans to be estranged from his or her children. As a middle school teacher, however, it is heart wrenching how often I see distracted, angry children and their frustrated parents develop deep and unresolved conflicts with one another—conflicts that are almost guaranteed to eventually result in estrangement if not directly addressed.

Every time I end up in one of these all-too-common situations, I can’t clearly express how dearly I wish I could travel back in time to when the child was an infant and share just one small bit of advice: be mindful, thoughtful and aggressive about building relationship with your child every day.

Thirteen years old is just too late. While transformation of the relationship at this age is not impossible, most of the genuine opportunities for real change have already passed.

Take the time to build relationship with your children every single day.

Stated so plainly, it seems too obvious and simplistic to be useful. Like so many other things in life, however, it is not so simple as it appears. Life sets many important demands on our energy, our time and our focus; it’s easy to get lost among them and they cloud our sense of overall vision. It is my hope that this article will help provide at least one way to break the gathering fog.

Wrestling with Parenting Challenges

Life is tough. Then you have kids, and life gets tougher. When we think of the demands of parenting as a short list—as if life with children has ever resulted in a short list—the following come to mind right away as we try to balance the family schedule:

  • The Demands of Work—time away from home, performance pressure, schedule variation and that thing at work you think is a complete waste of time, but your boss makes you do anyway
  • The Demands of School—homework, sick days, more schedule variation and that month-long diorama project your son mentions the night before it’s due
  • The Demands of Maintaining a Household—cooking, cleaning, paying bills, laundry and that thing your spouse always says will get done that never happens
  • Extra Curricular Activities for All—baseball, swimming lessons, piano lessons, exercise at the gym and the birthday party for your daughter’s friend tomorrow for which you still have not bought a present
  • Leisure Activities for All—the picnic on Sunday, movie night, vacation planning and the “please won’t you just give me five minutes in the bathroom to myself!” which has become the only leisure time you have left

The Frustrations of Life
The Frustrations of Life | Source

With so much to worry about, it’s no wonder that it’s so easy to get so caught up in the stress of living that we forget why we were working so hard at living in the first place. Living amidst these challenges myself, I finally discovered one question that continually helps me to center on what matters in whatever I’m doing:

How much does what I’m doing at this moment help to build and nurture an important relationship?

This question has relevance to many areas of our lives both personally and professionally, but, when applied to parenting, it presents great challenges along with profound opportunities for positive change.

Where the Real Challenge Lies

Honestly measuring the value of everything we do according to the degree to which it builds relationship with our children is an emotionally charged and trying task; it gets personal. After all, our lives are filled with legitimately important demands on our time: making a living, providing a home, buying food, securing some quiet time for our own sanity—all of these things are truly essential to the health and benefit of ourselves as well as our children. All of this is true, but, sadly, none of it directly contributes to building relationship with our children, so doing these things alone is simply not enough.

For this reason, we also provide opportunities for sports and music lessons and movie nights and vacations and even help our kids with their homework sometimes. Yes. All of these things provide benefit, but we tend to get sucked into them and they take on an importance that is out of balance and our attention begins to focus more on their demands then on the possibilities they provide for building relationship. Unfortunately, building relationships with kids demands the commitment of time and focus more than anything else—usually time we don’t have to spare.

My parents...
My parents... | Source

Yet, to emphasize how important this is and bring it into focus, think of your own experiences with your parents:

  • In your fondest memories of them, where was their attention, and how were they spending their time?
  • When you were the most hurt and frustrated by them, where was their attention, and how were they spending their time?

Now, turn this on yourself and your relationship with your children. I don’t know about you, but I found this to be a very tough lens to focus on my own life—deeply challenging and deeply personal. But it is also revealed tremendous opportunities…

Building Relationship by Practicing Presence

“Daddy?” my son asks as I’m trying to do the dishes and listen to a song on the radio.

“Just a minute, son,” I reply, almost unconsciously.

How many times have I said this? True, there are times when I stop what I’m doing turn directly to him—when I show him that he is, in fact, the most important. There are also times, of course, when he needs to wait—to learn patience. But how often have I told him to wait, and then forgotten that he asked in the first place? What does that show him about what he means to me?

When I first began taking a serious look at how I was building relationship with my children, the first thing that became a clear problem was where my mind was all the time. Rarely was my attention genuinely focused on my kids, even when I was actively playing with them or when they directly asked for it. My mind was always focused on writing or work or chores or the frustration of needing more time to myself. Only for brief moments was my mind on them, their joys, their frustrations and their interests.

The Time is Brief: Practice Being Present
The Time is Brief: Practice Being Present | Source

Using the above question as a guide, I began working to consciously set my life aside and center my mind around them for short periods of time—say around ten minutes at first. As time has passed, the time I could focus increased, though I still need work. I also practiced stopping everything else in my mind when they asked a question to take the time to look them in the eyes and truly hear what they were saying, even if it seemed silly to me at the time (as many things a three-year-old will say do).

This small mental change will make a tremendous difference; brief moments of purposeful, direct attention build strong relationship.

Quick Index of Activities:

Click here to see a summary chart below for all of the ideas presented in this article including notes on age ranges, preparation times, activity times, and financial cost.

Invite them Into Your Work
Invite them Into Your Work | Source
Build Relationship by Including Them in the Demands of the Household
Build Relationship by Including Them in the Demands of the Household | Source

Building Relationship by Including Them

One thing I remember most clearly from my childhood was helping my dad fix the toilet. Now isn’t that silly? Indeed, half the time he made me do this as I child I was having fun, but the other half I was just plain annoyed. Still, now that I’m an adult, I can fix my own toilets, and I did get to spend time with my dad—he was teaching me. That mattered. Only now, as a parent myself, do I realize that it probably took him twice as long to fix the toilet with my help than it would have without it. He was including me because I mattered to him.

While it cannot always be done, we can build relationship with our children by intentionally finding ways to include them in the adult chores and work that must be done. One day, knowing he was only three, I decided to invite my son to help me cook dinner. He was thrilled! It took almost an hour and a half to cook a forty-five minute meal, but he learned, we played and we deepened our relationship. Now he loves to help, and he’s getting better and better all the time.

Find ways to include them and learn to be patient as they learn. It’s tough at first, but worth every moment!

Building Relationsihp by Spending Time with Family

These ideas, ranging in time from five minutes to multiple hours, provide the greatest opportunities for deep building of relationships. Many of these things may well be things you already do—awesome! Wherever you may be with it, simply pick one you have not done and try it. Brief, steady and daily attention to building relationship with you kids will make all the difference in the world:

Build Relationship by Setting Time Aside to Be With the Family
Build Relationship by Setting Time Aside to Be With the Family | Source

Family Meals Together: While sometimes challenging to arrange given today’s hectic schedules, a daily meal together is absolutely invaluable. It gives the family the chance to discuss mundane aspects of each day, showing value for the details of one another's lives. Here are a few great questions to spark valuable conversation:

  • What was the best part of your day?
  • What was the hardest part of your day?

With these questions, we can avoid making our kids feel like they are being interrogated about their lives in general. The answers my own children have given to these questions have often surprised my wife and I and lead to significant conversations about what really matters. We get the chance to celebrate joys with them and directly support them with the things that are hard. We also get to share with them the joys and sorrows of our own lives—huge relationship building work here!

Family Game Night: While movie night is a joy, and we do it regularly, games allow us much more opportunity for interaction. Particularly with children who are a little older and able to sustain attention for longer. This makes for a great family time.

A Family Book Read is a Joy Like No Other
A Family Book Read is a Joy Like No Other | Source

Family Book Read: I don’t know very many people who do this, but the experience is phenomenal and unique. Choose a book appropriate for everyone that everyone can buy into. Then, read it aloud together over the course of several weeks or months. The joy of talking it through, anticipating what will happen next and discovering it together is like nothing else!

Video Gaming Together: If you’ve never tried it, I highly suggest it. For those who take no interest in these games, it will stun your children for you to ask them to share it with you. They will love teaching you how to do it and watching you struggle. What a phenomenal way to reverse the rolls and make the child feel valued and important.

“Mommy” and “Daddy” Time: Schedule time to spend with each child alone. Purposefully choose to do something together that you know the child loves. Let them lead and share with you what they enjoy. Once this becomes regular habit, it can also provide a time for you to share your loves with your child. There is nothing like one on one time for building meaningful relationships.

Build Relationship by Sharing Your Passions with Your Children
Build Relationship by Sharing Your Passions with Your Children | Source

Sharing Your Passions: I have found great joy in setting aside time to share my passions with my kids. I love music, so I sit with them at the piano and play. I love writing, so I sit with my kids at the table and we develop stories--my daughter writes while my son draws. It doesn't matter what your passion is, share it. They kids will sense your excitement and join you, appreciating the fact that you've taken the time show it to them.

Family Worship: If you are religiously inclined, there is nothing so powerful for building relationship as this. It’s a chance to creatively share, enjoy and promote the very foundation of your family values and beliefs. It takes time, but it is well worth it!

Quick Index of Activities That Build Relationship with Kids

(click column header to sort results)
The Activity  
Preparation Time  
Time Commitment for the Activity  
Financial Cost  
Family Meals Together
Moderate
Moderate
None (nothing extra, anyway)
Family Game Night
Moderate
Low to High
Low
Family Book Read
Moderate
High
Low to None
Video Gaming Together
None
Moderate
None (assuming you have a system)
"Mommy" & "Daddy" Time
Moderate to High
Moderate to High
None to High
Sharing Your Passions
Moderate
Moderate to High
None
Family Worship
Moderate
Moderate
Low to None
Rocket Ship: Imaginative Play
Low to High
Low to High
None
Bird Feeder
Moderate
Moderate
Low
Writing Activity
None
Low to Moderate
None
Guessing Box
Moderate
Moderate
Low
Cardboard Car
Moderate
High
Low
Including Kids in Adult Work/Chores
None
Moderate
None

Conclusion

There are countless ways to build relationship with your children. In the end, however, it all comes down to what you do with your thoughts and your attention. There are countless movies and books about parents who discover, often too late, that their children turn from them because their attention was too often focused on something else. There is a reason for this. As hard as it can be to do sometimes, purposefully beginning to turn your thoughts towards building relationship with your children will bring forth some of the greatest joys of your life.

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    • twoseven profile image

      twoseven 5 years ago from Madison, Wisconsin

      Fantastic hub! So well put, and great examples to illustrate your points. I agree so much about trying to be present. As I get pulled towards my cell phone to text a friend while I am with my 2.5 year old, and he asks me to stop, I think about what ground I will have to stand on in 12 years when the tables are turned if I don't just put it down and focus on him. These moments are so precious and even though it is hard and takes practice to be truly present, I think it is so worth it. Thank you for the great reminder.

    • urgurl_bri profile image

      Brandi Swieter 5 years ago from Holland, MI

      This is one of the best hub layouts I've seen. Great hub with lots of great information. Well done.

    • Lizam1 profile image

      Lizam1 5 years ago from Victoria BC

      Very impressive hub surely award winning! Great content. Thank-you. I will share this hub

      voted up.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks so very much, twoseven. While one always knows that you're not alone in struggling with these things, it's reassuring to hear others speak of it. I love my kids so much, and loving them the right way is among the greatest challenges I've ever faced.

      It is unquestionably one of the sources of my greatest joy as well. Thanks for taking the time to read,

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks so much. This one was something of a labour of love. I'm pleased that it provided some value for you. Thanks for stoppin in,

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Lizam1,

      A share is about as high a praise as one can receive. I really appreciate the up vote and I'm glad it provided some value to you. Thanks for taking the time to read,

      wayseeker

    • the girls profile image

      the girls 5 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      I perfectly agree that a parent's presence in a child's life will make the difference. Voted up!

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks for the vote up and taking the time to read!

      wayseeker

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 5 years ago from Irl

      Really a wonderful hub, so informative, and the artwork is beautiful.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Sincere thanks, itakins. I enjoyed creating it and am pleased to find people getting some value from it.

      Thanks for reading,

      wayseeker

    • Simone Smith profile image

      Simone Haruko Smith 5 years ago from San Francisco

      What a heartwarming read this was! My parents really went for the things you've outlined in this Hub- they set aside parenting time, developed interests that we shared, and really made a point of treating me as a person- not just a child they were raising. Our relationship is STILL fantastic because of it, so I really feel strongly about the effectiveness of your proposed methods.

      Right-on-ness aside, I love your Hub's formatting, not to mention the fantastic original sketches! SO COOL!

      You rock, wayseeker. I am definitely a fan.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Simone,

      Sincerest thanks for the high praise. This one meant a lot to me, so I'm deeply pleased that people seem to be finding it valuable and touching.

      I wish I could remember where I saw a picture used by a fellow Hubber in a similar way to the borders I included here (I will go back and research it). I saw it and decided I liked it, so I played around with creating my own. There are a number of folks who seem interested in it, so I may publish another hub soon that describes the process.

      All that aside, I must say I sincerely appreciate the joy that seems so much an inherent part of who you are. Your energy is infectious and I sincerely appreciate your support of everyone here!

      Happy Hubbing!

      wayseeker

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 5 years ago from USA

      You've presented great information. Makes me wish I could do it all over again. I love the hub laypout as well.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks so very much, Millionaire Tips. Challenging as it is, it is a very joyful time!

    • nybride710 profile image

      Lisa Kroulik 5 years ago from Minnesota

      I am struggling with my 15 year old and was surprised (and hurt) to hear her say she wishes I was more attentive. I am doing my best to do that, and this was a helpful article to read.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      As I wrote this I was regularly reminded of how hard this is to actually do. There was a point, in fact, where I was ignoring my kids for short time to work on it--when I really could have just done it a bit later.

      I do hope that something here might prove useful to you. If it can do even that, then it was well worth the time invested.

      Good luck to you, and may your relationship with your daughter find an even deeper place as the hurt (hopefully) subsides.

      My very best wishes,

      wayseeker

    • GDiBiase profile image

      GDiBiase 5 years ago from Portland, ME

      Wayseeker,

      Great hub,I agree, as a parent of three step children, you must make time for and have a relationship with your children, they need to feel loved and wanted.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks for stopping in to read, GD. Every way we can find to get folks doing it more is a step in the right direction.

      wayseeker

    • GDiBiase profile image

      GDiBiase 5 years ago from Portland, ME

      Very true!

    • profile image

      kelleyward 5 years ago

      You put a lot of time, effort, and art work into this great hub. Lots of valuable information is in here for any parent struggling to have a good relationship with their children. Voted up and useful!

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks, Kelley. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read. My best to you,

      wayseeker

    • dhannyya profile image

      dhannyya 5 years ago

      i liked this hub

    • katieababy74 profile image

      katieababy74 5 years ago from Auckland

      Absolutely awesome

    • profile image

      Liz21 5 years ago

      Kids closer to family do not stray away and succeed in life. They have more determination and better cognitive abilities. http://www.theharvardwriters.com

    • kingphilipIV profile image

      Ramphil Basco 5 years ago from Iloilo, Philippines

      Wow.. This is truly awesome. I love every single detail of it and this is simply amazing. Thumbs up to you my friend.

      KP4

    • Aleenabroonee profile image

      Aleenabroonee 5 years ago from California

      Oh very nice hub, my parents always be in my touch like this. They always trying to be in my touch so that I'll learn a lot n I always enjoy their company. They always try to manage their time for me from their busy schedule. As I read this hub I recall my childhood. So thanks for this great and heart touching hub because a connection between children and parents is very important.

    • profile image

      kelleyward 5 years ago

      congrats on HOTD! Well deserved!!!

    • Sonya L Morley profile image

      Sonya L Morley 5 years ago from Edinburgh

      This is an incredibly helpful hub and I am so glad you wrote it, there is a lot I will take from your suggestions. Very well written and presented.

    • rosika profile image

      rosika 5 years ago

      This is very amazing hub 'wayseeker'!..I have a three year old boy and we do bedtime stories, one of the best thing to do together with him and he loves it so much....Your advice are absolutely relevant and useful...! voted useful, interesting, beautiful and awesome...I will share it with my friends as well!

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks so much, dhannyya!

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks for taking the time to read, katieababy74.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks for the link, Liz21. I'll check it out later today!

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks so very much for the positive feedback. It was a work of love, and I'm so pleased that people seem to be finding value in it. My best to you!

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Allenabroonee, I'm so happy that this is something that has touched your memories. It was a part of my own childhood, to some degree, and something I try to make a part of my kids' lives every day. Thanks for taking the time to read.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks so much, kelleyward, for reading!

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      I'm pleased when anyone can gain something from what I've written. I hope that it helps to build relationship for you--there is nothing more important. Thanks for taking the time to read.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Rosika,

      Thanks so very much for all the up-votes! I try to take this advice myself as often as I can, though it's not always an easy road. Still, it's the most important one I travel! Thanks for reading.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Amilypit,

      Looking at how we spend our time is essential. This is where the real challenge comes in, and the real joy. Thanks for taking the time to read.

    • sandrabusby profile image

      Sandra Busby 5 years ago from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, USA

      Particularly like the chart at the end, showing low to no financial investment and time investment. Being present is the key. If only parents could be present. Love your art work. Thanks for SHARING.

    • raakachi profile image

      raakachi 5 years ago from Madurai / Tamilnadu / India

      A very fantastic, well formatted, well planned and well deserved hub for the accolade of 'Hub of the day'. My hearty congratulation to you. You have clearly noted the points of building relationship with our children, who expects nothing very expesive, but the serene love and attention towards their every aspects of life. How much time, we ready to spare with them is the only secret of winning the puzzle of life, as life has been a puzzle to many of us. I really enjoy your research analysis of children behaviour. Expect many more from you.Voted useful & interesting

    • John Sarkis profile image

      John Sarkis 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      Hi wayseeker,

      Excellent hub! I enjoyed your drawings as well. Very informative and useful.

      Voted up - congrats!

      John

    • RTalloni profile image

      RTalloni 5 years ago from the short journey

      Congratulations for the award on this important Hub of the Day!

    • edelhaus profile image

      edelhaus 5 years ago from Munich, Germany

      As a mother of a 15 year old, I can confirm that you are so right! If we hadn't built our relationship up from the time he was small he'd be lost to me right now. Puberty is such a hard time for kids and parents with the kids pulling away and the parents trying to let them experience some freedom... its a balancing act and though I'm sure we're not perfect, we always try and act (and react) from positions of love and not anger or frustration. BTW, I also loved your illustrations! What a wonderful accompaniment to a well written and insightful article.

    • geetika iyer profile image

      geetika iyer 5 years ago from India

      Fantastic and very well presented hub! voted up!

    • jaswinder64 profile image

      jaswinder64 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada.

      Hello Wayseeker, Congratulations for this informative Hub Of the Day. All pictures are so good.

    • Melovy profile image

      Yvonne Spence 5 years ago from UK

      This is a great hub, with loads of useful ideas and I love your honesty too. In my experience the most important of all your suggestions is to be present. When we are present then the rest falls into place.

      Congratulations on a well-deserved Hub of The Day!

    • itsvssudheesh profile image

      itsvssudheesh 5 years ago from kochi,kerala, india

      informative hub.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      I'm pleased that the chart was valuable. I was looking for a way to include one, and was unsure if it would be of use to anyone. Looks like it may have worked out.

      Thanks, again, for taking the time to read!

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Raakachi,

      Thanks for this thoughtful response. There are countless movies out there based on "wealthy" parents who try to keep their children happy through any means possible except actually spending quality time with them. There is a reason there are so many of them.

      Time and simplicity, that's all they really ask.

      Thanks for reading,

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      John,

      Always a joy to cross paths with you again. My thanks for taking the time to read.

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      RTalloni,

      Thanks!

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Edelhaus,

      I'm glad to hear that it might make life a bit easier when my kids get a little older. I experience adolescence every day as a middle school teacher, but my kids are not quite there yet. I have no illusions about it being an easy experience to navigate, but I'm hopeful that we might not lose our way.

      My thanks for your time and your thoughts,

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Geetika,

      Thanks for the support!

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Jaswinder64,

      I'm very pleased that folks are enjoying the artwork. It took some extra time to put together, but was a joy all the way. Thanks for your thoughts,

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Melovy,

      Many thanks for taking the time to read. Scary as it can be sometimes, I have found that honesty is the only thing that people really recognize and appreciate. I'm pleased that it was meaningful for some folks.

      My best to you,

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Itsvssudheesh,

      Thanks for taking the time to read.

      wayseeker

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 5 years ago from sunny Florida

      You made some really valid and worthwhile points here. Relationships with children are difficult at best if a firm foundation has not been established from the get go. Deciding to make time to have real relationships with our children is just that...a decision and an important one. This was well written and carefully thought out for sure. Congratulations on hub of the day...

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Pstrauble48,

      Thanks so much for the thoughtful response. I'm pleased to see so many for whom this kind of relationship-building is a reality in their lives--it's just so important. Thanks for taking the time to read,

      wayseeker

    • Xandra1125 profile image

      Xandra1125 5 years ago from Ct

      Very informative!! And so true!!! We need to value the importance of building relationships with our children first and foremost, because, ultimately, our children will learn from us how to build relationships with others.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Xandra1125,

      There is definitely a generational influence behind this. Thanks for reading!

      wayseeker

    • profile image

      deeach 5 years ago

      superb writing, and beautifully laid out. Also, loved the sketches that went well with the article. It was well-written and thoughtfully done. Luv'd it.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      My thanks for stopping in, deeach. I truly enjoyed creating this and have been very pleased that others are enjoying it and finding it useful.

      wayseeker

    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 5 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      Awesome hub! From the informative content to the engaging design and layout, this is truly worth the Hub of The Day award. Congratulations!

      I'm a new dad and I'm starting to understand how important being present is in buiolding a strong relationship with my daughter. The info here will surely help me become a better dad. Thanks!

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      jpcmc,

      Awesome. I was hoping that this might come in handy, particularly to those who are new parents. It is a joy like no other--and you'll never work harder in your life. Thanks for your commitment to your daughter!

      wayseeker

    • tarajeyaram profile image

      tarajeyaram 5 years ago from Wonderland

      This is especially true of fathers who are new immigrants. Sometimes, in the mist of coping with the many struggles of raising a family; fathers can lose sight of what really matters. Its also very common among parents who are very career oriented. That is fine as well all need to succeed; but it is disheartening when children lose out. It does have a lasting impact on relationships, and the well being of the child in the long run. Great hub. Thanks for sharing.

    • taw2012 profile image

      taw2012 5 years ago from India

      a very nice hub. Impressive.

    • jeyaramd profile image

      jeyaramd 5 years ago from Mississauga, Ontario

      Great hub. Definitely deserving of Hub award. Time is precious. Like my dad used to say, time and tide waits for no man. Its Best to be present. Voted up.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      I had not considered how this might play out for immigrant fathers. The pressure to "succeed" is tremendous for so many. Part of this is in redefining what "success" really means. I'd much rather have children who hug me when I get home than colleagues who sing my praises at work--not to say that one can't have both...but when push comes to shove, I know which way I will fall.

      Thanks for reading!

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
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      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks, taw2012. I appreciate you stopping in and spending the time to read.

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
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      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Jeyaramd,

      I've not heard that saying before, but it is very appropriate here. There is never enough time to spend with our parents or our children; that is truth. Thanks for reading,

      wayseeker

    • theseobadger profile image

      theseobadger 5 years ago

      really impressive hub. i love it :)

      Thank you so much way.

    • thebookmom profile image

      thebookmom 5 years ago from Nebraska

      Wow! Fantastic hub. I loved your thoughts on being really present. I also liked the idea of a family book read. Well done.

    • prairieprincess profile image

      Sharilee Swaity 5 years ago from Canada

      Wayseeker, I am blown away by this hub: you have really set a new standard in layout, artwork and content. Your artwork is beautiful and touching. The layout is gorgeous and most importantly, this contains such important, excellent advice. I had one parent (my Mom) who did so many of these things with us when were kids and we knew absolutely that we were loved. This love from parents forms who the child is, for their whole life.

      I am sharing this and I thank you so much for writing an important piece. Take care.

    • wayseeker profile image
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      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Theseobadger,

      Thanks so very much for taking the time to read.

      Happy hubbing!

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thebookmom,

      The family book read is one of our greatest joys together. We do love family movie night, but there is definitely something unique about bonding through a good book!

      Thanks for taking the time to read,

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Prairiepricess,

      I sincerely appreciate your comments. The love of our parents absolutely sets the foundation for our lives, and I understand the "one parent" comment--my wife was the same way. Thank the Lord for those who love us!

      Thanks for taking the time to read,

      wayseeker

    • profile image

      MomSpeaks 5 years ago

      This hub hit very close to home. I thank you for the important reminder. It was also very refreshing to hear the perspective of a dad. I retweeted this very wonderful message! Happy Hubbing!

    • proudtobeadad profile image

      proudtobeadad 5 years ago

      Parents absolutely have to be involved with their kids. No doubt. A country music song, Fishing, is about this. It is all about relationships I enjoy the thought involved with the hub.

    • hecate-horus profile image

      hecate-horus 5 years ago from Rowland Woods

      A great reminder for all parents. thank you. Very nicely done hub! Probably the best layout I've ever seen.

    • NarcononVistaBay profile image

      NarcononVistaBay 5 years ago from California

      This is a beautiful subject. I also think all this is essential for kid's emotional health.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      MomSpeaks,

      Thanks so much for reading and for sharing. I was able to remind myself as well while writing it.

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Proudtobeadad,

      I'll have to see if I can find that. Thanks for reading!

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
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      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Hecate-Horus,

      Thanks for taking the time to read, and I appreciate your thoughts on the layout. Happy hubbing!

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      NarcononVistaBay,

      I feel it is the single most important factor to kids mental, and often physical, health. None of us can function right in the world without knowing we are deeply loved. Thanks for taking the time to read,

      wayseeker

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      You have presented a superbly excellent hub and have delineated some poignant points in parenting. Parenting involves responsibility and sacrifice which is well worth it in the end. Many people just physically create children without considering the actual input in parenting. Congratulations on your hub!

    • singhrakeshs profile image

      singhrakeshs 5 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      This is one of the best hub i have seen. Great information. Well done!!!!!!!!!!

    • Eliminate Cancer profile image

      Eliminate Cancer 5 years ago from Massachusetts

      I agree completely. It seems obvious, but it's amazing how many families are disconnected and frustrated. Every new parent should read this!!

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Thanks for reading, Eliminate Cancer. It is a sad truth that there are too many people who never experience this.

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
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      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Singhrakeshs,

      Thanks for taking the time to read. I appreciate your feedback.

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
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      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      GMWilliams,

      Yes. Children are our greatest responsibility along with being our greatest joy. Thanks for reading!

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      MiaJohnson,

      The influences of this kind of attention in a child's youth are absolutely felt for a lifetime. Thanks for your kind words,

      wayseeker

    • cebutouristspot profile image

      cebutouristspot 5 years ago from Cebu

      Great advice. I believe I have a good relationship with my 4 yr old son :) We do lots of stuff together and the most important thing I notice is taking naps together is one of his favorite time as we will play for about 10 min before the nap.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I also like the username wayseeker. It is such a spiritual name representing the right way to approach life issues.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      cebutouristspot,

      Naps together. Not something I've tried, but I think I just might in the near future. Sounds wonderful!

      Thanks for taking the time to read,

      wayseeker

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      GM,

      You are the very first to comment on that, and it was very intentional. I seek always to find His way. Sometimes I'm more successful than others, but that's all part of the journey.

      Thanks for the comment, and Happy Hubbing!

      wayseeker

    • Angela Kane profile image

      Angela Kane 5 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

      Parenting is the most difficult and most rewarding job that a person can do and your advice about raising children by building a relationship is very good. I voted this hub up and interesting.

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Angela,

      Thank you for the up vote! Parenting is unquestionably where we experience the greatest extremes of emotion--such overwhelming states of frustration and sorrow and boundless joy.

      Thanks for taking the time to read,

      wayseeker

    • htodd profile image

      htodd 5 years ago from United States

      That is great hub,In today's busy life we have to take care of children and build relationship with them ..That is very important

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      HTodd,

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read. Time with kids is among the very most important things I do--love 'em!

      wayseeker

    • Keeley Shea profile image

      Keeley Shea 5 years ago from Norwich, CT

      Very well written article & so true! I have been trying to make an effort to spend quality time with my 2 boys. They seem to want individual time too in addition to family time. I try not to run out of time! I need more time in a day! Lol!

    • wayseeker profile image
      Author

      wayseeker 5 years ago from Colorado

      Keeley,

      Finding time in today's world is becoming increasingly more difficult. I suspect that the older they get the harder it gets to find time as well. In the end, it often comes down to making a choice between something that "must" be done and taking time to be with one's family. It's amazing how unimportant many things become when weighed against the reality of how little time we really have with our kids. Still, the balance is never easy! Life is relentless in its demands.

      My sincere thanks for a taking a bit of your time to read--it is greatly appreciated.

      wayseeker

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