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Parenting Teens: Why Well Managed Conflict is Better Than No Conflict.

Updated on February 27, 2013
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Why Good Conflict Resolution is Necessary to Strengthen the Bond Between You and Your Teen.

Some well-managed conflict is better than NO conflict and you will find that as your child becomes a teen, there will be an increase in conflicts in your home, mainly due to the fact that your child will now be wanting to establish their independence and wanting their voice to be heard.

All relationships grow and flourish, when they contain well-managed conflict. No matter how awful conflict is; it is necessary in order for issues in the relationship to be aired and sorted. Ignoring underlying issues will have a negative effect on your relationship with your child.

The dangers to ignoring resentful and negative emotions include:

  1. If there are things that are annoying you within your relationship with your child and you do not verbalise it, it will begin to build up anger inside of you and this can cause stress. This stress will eventually lead to emotional outbursts, which are detrimental to all relationships
  2. The problems between you and your child will not just go away, and if they are not dealt with, it will brew and get worse.
  3. Confusion can develop in a relationship where issues are not explained, because you and/or your child will get mixed signals that they will not be able to interpret
  4. The conflict will get worse and escalate, if it is not expressed, and dealt with in a constructive manner.
  5. Unexpressed inner turmoil can cause a family to breakdown, as tensions and stress escalate. Feelings of resentment can surface, causing your teen to act out more than usual.
  6. Stress, tension and illness can occur due to a build up of negative emotions
  7. Unexpressed emotions can lead to aggression and violence.
  8. Poor relationships that lack substance can develop due to a lack of bonding that conflict can bring about.

5 Steps To Resolving Conflict

Good conflict management leads to positive relationships.

When conflict is handled well, it will make your relationship with your teen a more rewarding experience. As ironic as it sounds, conflict does bring peace and harmony in a relationship. It is also important that your teen develops the skills of conflict resolution, as they will need these skills throughout their lives.

Good conflict management will have the following positive effects on your relationship with your teen:

  1. When a conflict is handled well, and a solution is reached it gives all parties involved a sense of achievement
  2. After the conflict has subsided, emotions like happiness and satisfaction settle in.
  3. Good conflict management leads to stronger relationships and helps the family to bond as a team
  4. Once the conflict has been resolved, and the negative emotions have been released, you and your teen will be more relaxed with each other.
  5. Because conflict allows us to dispense of our negative emotions it leads to good health.
  6. Conflict can bring about changes that keep your relationship fresh and evolving.
  7. If conflict is managed effectively the relationship will be filled with positive feelings.

The effect conflict has on your relationship, with your teen, all depends on how it is handled. As a parent you will probably already have a good idea on how to deal with conflict, but sometimes when emotions are running high we disregard logic and react in a negative way.

Good conflict management comes with experience and not giving up. If a conflict is badly managed it is not the end of the world, it just means that you and your child will have to go back to the drawing board and repair any damage that has been done and move forward from there.

It is important to make sure that you familiarize yourself with the steps to good conflict manage in order to ensure that the conflict brings about positive outcomes. For the SLAP conflict resolution method click here.


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