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Parents, raise your own kids!

Updated on March 31, 2014

My opinion on one factor that is causing our country and society to go downhill:

OK, first of all I know I'm going to get bashed by a lot of parents because I've written on this subject before and was bombarded with defensive, rude, and derrogatory comments. But let's get real with ourselves!

One of the biggest reasons that our country and society are in the crapper is because parents are not raising their own children anymore. God did not form us to have our neighbor or old Mrs. Johnson nurturing, teaching, and loving our children. Humans were made to nurture, instruct, and show love and affection to their own offspring!

I am a woman and I thank God for civil rights and women's rights that were fought so hard for in the past. But if you look back to the late 1970's, early 1980's, this is when the tumble of society began. Women wanted to work so bad and have equal opportunity and to show that they are just as virile and strong and are an asset to our country that they didn't see this coming.

Now we have not only one parent out of the home working 40/50/60+ hours a week, but we have both parents out of the home working these same hours. This makes no sense to me whatsoever. What is the reason for this? I'm all for a father or a mother staying home with their kids, this has nothing to do with women's rights per se. But why would you want to have children and then ship them off to a stranger every day for nearly the entire day and evening? Do you not understand the importance of a parents nurturing/educating/loving? Children grow inside their mothers wombs and have a deep connection to her just based on that fact alone, we are supposed to take care of them and share skin on skin contact with them until they're too old for it around age 5 (in my opinion). And I don't mean you need to be lying there nude with your child, what I mean is they need human interaction with their parents to be completely whole as a human being. We are depriving them of this initial need. Some mothers go back to work a week after they have their babies, or a month or three months. In my opinion this is not acceptable.

What is the reason we're working so much?

To me, there's no reason for it. I know life is expensive, bills pile up and many of us are living paycheck to paycheck. But let me tell you this. I was married for 15 years and was a stay-at-home-mom for nearly that entire time. My husband started out, when we were 20 and 21 years old, making $8-$9/hr. We had two children by the time he was 21 and I was 22 and we did it. So can you!! We went without our Latte's and 1000 satellite channels and internet for the longest time. We rarely went out to eat and we grew some of our own vegetables and herbs. Of course that's not an option for everyone but there are a million ways out there to save money, you're just choosing not to.

Is that SUV or 3-story house really worth missing all of this time with your children? Who cares if you have the best of everything? Your best of everything should be your pride in your children! We didn't have new cars or a brand new house but we raised our children the best we could and I believe they've grown up alot better than other children just for the fact that their father and I were always there for them. He worked but he's a very affectionate father, moreso than most. He has our kids doing everything with them, he has taught them so many things that I couldn't have taught them, as a woman/mother. But you have to put in the effort.

If you're working 40-60 hrs/week, who is taking care of YOUR children? Not only that, now society says we can't discipline our children appropriately and mediocrity is the norm. And we're allowing this. We're not discipling our children enough because we have all of this guilt about never being home with them and shipping them off to Do-Do's Daycare where there are 20 other children vying for the babysitters attention. Please, before you jump down my throat and before you take this as an insult, just realize that you know I am right about this. Parents of adolescents and teens are out working and leaving their kids home alone to raise themselves when they're old enough to, and we wonder why prisons are full of young people???? If parents were home monitoring them, they'd never be there in the first place!!

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is true for 100% of people, I know better. But for the most part this is our society now. It's almost like we're expected to live this way just because everyone else is. Gotta keep up with the Jones's....that's crap. I'll take anyone's bullshit judgement about my crappy car or house that needs new carpet anyday. I know that I spent all of that precious time with my children for a reason and it is paying off. My children are still normal children, they have their days just like us adults do. But they're against bullying, they help other children, they love kids and treat them with respect, they are well-behaved, great kids that get good grades in school and have fabulous goals for their future. So I'm proud of the way that I'm raising my children even though I'm not perfect.

I'm not trying to judge anyone, I just see this as a problem in society as a whole:

Please, I welcome your comments and questions. This is something I am very passionate about and will advocate this as long as I live. Our children need US, not someone else, to raise them. I don't necessarily think one parent has to be home full-time, but one parent needs to be there when the kids get home from school, so that they have that love, nurturing, structure, and discipline that humans need to thrive. Every minute you spend with your child matters and just remember that disciplining them doesn't need to be spankings, I always used time-outs or standing in the corner, they hate that!!! And the naughtier they get, the longer they stand in the corner with their noses touching the corner and their hands on their backsides. Or they sit on that couch by themselves with no stimulation whatsoever like TV or other children or toys. It's a proven scientific fact that children crave discipline and consistency. Just think about this and look at what you and your family can do to make sure your children are being loved and nurtured like they're supposed to be. I realize there are single parents out there that don't have that luxury but then you need to make sure you're home as much as possible either way. Get a different job, cut your hours, change your hours, make sure their other parent is involved or another family member that you trust. As I said, there are many circumstances where this is not an option but if you're doing your job as a parent while you're with your children and not worried about the crumbs on the counter and the load of laundry that needs to be done, good job because those things are not important compared to spending quality time with your child. If anyone comes over to your house and says anything about the sticky floors or the mess in the bedroom, don't invite them over anymore. Use those precious moments on your children. Do laundry when they're sleeping or save it for the weekends. There are many ways we can tweak our schedules to love and nurture our children. Let's all try it.

We never want them to be waiting for our love


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    • MissJamieD profile image

      MissJamieD 4 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      I agree with you 1000% I just don't see that happening. This is a severe downfall of technology. Of course I agree, iphones and the like have taken over parenting and childrens lives in general. I wish I had the answers to that question. But that's why I stayed home with my children, nobody can raise them like you:) Good for you!! I'm glad you made it work, your children will thank you later especially when they're grown and they see the tendencies of children who were raised in daycare's and with strangers. Totally different scenario as adults. Thanks for reading I wish you the best:)

    • profile image

      Ali 4 years ago

      The best decision I made was marrying my husband, I knew to look for someone who would support family values. My second best decision is staying home and raising our children as well as attending positive parenting classes. I know my children are better behaved because I am in tune to their needs. I am in complete agreement with the article written above. Now, if we can just get parents to stop shoving Iphones and Ipads in the hands of our children!

    • MissJamieD profile image

      MissJamieD 4 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Thank you so much, that was very enlightening. And I understand that children are cruel and are expected to have certain material possessions. My children always had what they wanted and needed so that was never an issue. But I suppose if you're destitute, you wouldn't want to make the choice to stay home. And like I said in my hub, I know this doesn't work for everyone, but I was aiming the hub more towards the families that DO have the options and don't take them. I will definitely read your hubs this week when I have more time. I skimmed through some of them already and love them:) Thanks for reading!

    • maggs224 profile image

      maggs224 4 years ago from Sunny Spain

      A very interesting Hub, I was a SAHM in the 1970's which was just after flower power, free love, the pill, burning bras and women were rebelling against their traditional rolls.

      I had no problem with other people wanting to take another and different route to me for their lives but back then the same women that had felt oppressed by men into the female stereotypes now were oppressing women that wanted to choose that traditional way of life.

      I choose to stay at home and was thought to be mad, not normal or even a traitor to the feminist cause because I had chosen to stay at home instead of enjoying the freedom.

      We always had more month than money until we got top of that sucker, but it is a choice that I have no regrets over. I have written a series of hubs about it in answer to a question that was posted.

      However I remember at the time speaking to a girl who had been brought up by a SAHM who had as a result always had to do without.

      All she remembered of her childhood was the shame and damage that she felt was a result for not having the right clothes etc at school or not going on holidays.

      This lack of material possessions which made her feel inferior made her determined to not ever let her child go through the same deprivation (as she saw it) as she had to.

      Within weeks of her son being born she was back at work and the grandmother took on the role of mum while she was at work.

      She felt that if she stayed at home she would become so resentful and angry that the baby would suffer as a result. When she came home from work she felt happy and felt therefore that she could give some real quality time to her son and enjoy playing with him.

      Her way worked for her and her son, and mine for my two children and as far as I remember she never regretted her choice either.

      I am voting this hub up and hitting the relevant buttons on my way out :D

    • MissJamieD profile image

      MissJamieD 4 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Thanks Sara!! You're exactly right. Although my ex and I made it on one income, and I believe many other couples could too, I realize that not everyone has that luxury. Times are tough, but that's all the more reason to spend quality time with your children. Like you said in your hub, there are so many things parents can do with their children for free, they just choose not to. They choose to spend money they don't have, compensating their children for lost time. They don't see that this has the opposite affect of what they're trying to accomplish.

    • profile image

      Sarra Garrett 4 years ago

      That's the problem unfortunately parents are married to their jobs and forgot that they have children at home as well. "I'm too tired" just doesn't cut it with me. Both my husband and I worked full time jobs and had a son. I would be exhausted yet I would spend quality time everyday with my son reading, drawing and playing outside. Unfortunately, with the economy it is a must that both parents work, however, if you really love your children you will spend quality time with them no matter how tired you are or not. They are only babies for a short time then they are out the door and on their own. Enjoy them while you can before they leave as they may just leave for good. Great hub. You Go Gurl

    • MissJamieD profile image

      MissJamieD 4 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Yes, Rexy, it is very hard being a stay-at-home-mom. Most of the time it's much harder than an outside job. But like you said, it's so worth it. I'm so happy that I got to hear my kids' first words and teach them to walk and ride bike and read and color, etc. If nothing else in life I can be proud of that more than anything else.

    • rexy profile image

      rexy 4 years ago

      I also agree with you... l looked after my own children and left my full time employment to do so.. therefore money was not important to me... as it was staying at home and enjoying every minute to be with that they have grown up... l reflect upon sweet memories and moments we spend together.... since they were babies... it was hard... but worth it.....

    • MissJamieD profile image

      MissJamieD 4 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Fit minute-good for you! I'm so excited for you that you had and took that opportunity:) thanks for reading and have a great day!

    • Fit Minute profile image

      Minna 4 years ago from Richmond, VA

      I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mom. I love being able to spend time with my babies and watch them learn and grow.

    • MissJamieD profile image

      MissJamieD 4 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Carnoobz-I'm so excited for you that your family is able to enjoy these benefits! As I stated I wasn't trying to attack anyone personally but I believe in this so strongly I couldn't hold it back anymore. I praise you and your family for keeping your priorities where they belong. Now if we can just recruit millions of other'm trying and thank you for advocating as well. Happy days, I wish you the best!

    • CarNoobz profile image

      CarNoobz 4 years ago from USA

      I'm so glad we were able to have my wife be home with our boys as they're growing up. It just comes down to priorities and what parents are willing to sacrifice for their kids. Voted up and useful

    • MissJamieD profile image

      MissJamieD 4 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      I understand there are situations where this is not possible. Definitely. I'm basically aiming this st those people that DO have an option and don't take it. And also the parents that give in to their children because of their guilt. I know it's hard, many parents feel bad about not being there but they need to weigh every single option possible to raise the kids right and by themselves as much as possible. Thanks for reading and replying I appreciate it. And just for the record I feel for all the families out there who are victims of this economy because its ruining all of us and our country as a whole. I wish you the very best in all that you do;)

    • LisaMarie724 profile image

      Lisa Stover 4 years ago from Pittsburgh PA

      I agree with you, although there are always two sides to a story. Most moms do want to stay home but most people can't even afford to pay the bare minimum (rent, gas, elec, phone) on one income unless one of the parents makes a decent amount of money. And, I'm not talking about a fancy apartment, 2 bedrooms for a couple and 2 small boys.