ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Poor Parenting and Poor Parenting Skills result in Children Acting Badly

Updated on August 7, 2011

Before Reading This Hub

If you are the parent of an adolescent who is acting out my heart goes out to you. As parents we can only teach our children how they should act, we can't make them do anything. When a child reaches adolescence they and they alone choose their behavior good or bad. The best parents in the world can do the greatest job imaginable, but ultimately the consequences for an adolescents behavior lies at their feet and their feet alone. This hub in NO WAY is directed to parents of adolescents-it is directed at the parents of the uncontrollable elementary school children who deserve the care and guidance a GOOD parent provides.

Bad Kids

I recently read an article from my hometown paper about a seven year old boy who had been ticketed for assaulting a younger boy. The older child told police he hit and choked the younger boy because he wouldn't give him a toy. Turns out this isn't the first time the little darling has physically attacked another child, he has a history of bullying younger children in the neighborhood, and his father has a history of not doing anything about it. The boy's own mother told police that the youngster has been terrorizing his brothers and sisters when he comes to visit (The boy lives with his father next door to mom). When neighborhood parents finally had enough of his behavior and the uncaring attitude of his father they called police, and after speaking to Dad the police decided to give the bugger a ticket. Now Dad gets to take junior to court and explain to a judge why his son is a bully and why he hasn't done anything to correct the boy's bad behavior.

When a young child is bad-the blame for his behavior rest squarely on the shoulders of the parents. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about adolescent children in this hub-teenagers naturally act out and do stupid things when they get into junior high and high school. Even teens from good homes who have caring parents may become brain dead and make bad decisions and choices when their hormones kick into overdrive.

I'm talking about young children. The ones that are in daycare, preschool, and elementary school. The ones who blindly follow the examples set by the adults in their lives who are entrusted with their care. The ones who can't make decisions for themselves and rely on their caretakers for everything from food to shelter to clothing to medical attention, and love. These are the troubled kids that I am talking about in this hub. When these kids act out the responsibility for their actions lies directly with the parents. The parents have either done something to damage the child, are neglecting to do something for the child, or are doing something to encourage or reinforce the child's negative behavior.

Parents Who Knowingly Damage Their Children

With the wealth of information that is available today regarding the negative effects that alcohol, smoking, and illegal drugs have on the development of babies in utero you would think that expecting mothers would refrain from knowingly exposing their unborn children to the risks. Unfortunately, many expecting mothers not only expose their unborn children to these vices, they actually get their babies addicted to them and create lifelong physical, learning, and behavior issues for their youngsters.

Women who drink alcohol during pregnancy put their child at risk of being born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. You can easily spot kids with this issue, they have smaller eye openings, their faces are flat, they have thin upper lips, and the groove between their nose and lip is undeveloped. These children suffer from brain damage which manifests itself in a myriad of different health issues including but not limited to: hyperactivity, poor impulse control, reactive detachment disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, anxiety disorders, and mental retardation. The child and all those around him will suffer for years-just because his/her selfish mother couldn't abstain from drinking while she was pregnant.

The use of illegal drugs has devastating effects on the developing fetus which leads to children with serious health, behavioral, academic, and social problems. Children who's mother used methamphetamine during pregnancy suffer from a myriad of problems including: mental retardation, attention deficit disorder, severe muscle stiffness and tremors, low speech abilities, and poor academic performance. These children may appear normal on the outside, they have all 10 finger and toes, but they are damaged none the less. I knew a little boy named River who had been born to a meth addicted mother in prison. He was a beautiful little blond hair blue eyed boy, but he suffered from a myriad of issues including adhd, aspergers syndrome, and oppositional defiant disorder. He had severe social issues and was unable to make friends. He had an inability to empathise with anyone and could not understand why a child would hit him after he himself had attacked the other child. River killed his household pets and liked to go to the local Walmart, remove fish from the tanks, and carry them around for days in his pocket. I don't know what happened to River or where he is today, but I do know that he was given a life sentence of misery due to the selfish actions of his birth mother.

Abuse and Neglect

Abuse is self explanatory and comes in many forms. It is absolutely never acceptable to abuse a child in any manner. Recently a teacher in my school reported a child being abused by her father. He had beaten her so severely with a belt her body was covered with bruises and there was a distinct buckle shaped bruise on her shoulder. Her older brother said that she was beaten because her father told her to clean the house an she fell asleep instead. He explained the belt shaped welt simply by saying, "she sat down while my daddy was whooping her." DHS finally interviewed the child 5 DAYS LATER and determined that it was safe to leave her in the home.

This child lives with a father who brings her and her brother to school on an average of 2 days a week. He always has an excuse for why he doesn't get the kids to school-yet the children have told school officials that they don't come because "Daddy wouldn't get up." Her first grade brother is in my class and other children in the class have reported seeing him and his little sister dressed for school and sitting on the front porch-waiting for Pops to get his lazy ass out of bed. When good old dad does finally bring them to school he has the nerve to ask me why his son can't read and is having behavior issues in my class! I tried to reach out to the father numerous times during the year and he always talked a good game about helping his son be successful, but his uncaring, unhelpful actions have succeeded in causing his son's failure. This is the dad that blames other people for his son's poor behavior, points his finger at everyone but himself for his sons academic shortcomings, and will ultimately blame society when his son drops out of school and gets incarcerated.

When parents neglect to set rules and boundaries for their children at home and those children come to school and display unacceptable behavior it is absolutely the fault of the parents. It is the job of the parents to teach their child right from wrong and what is appropriate and what isn't-not societies. When these bad children go into social settings and victimize others it is absolutely the fault of the neglectful parents. Jails all over the country are filled with men and women who were brought up in homes where the adults neglected their basic responsibilities as parents and left it up to society to teach their children right from wrong.

Encouraging Bad Behavior

It is unbelievable to me that parents will actually encourage their young children's bad behavior. Sure you may think it's funny the first time your toddler utters "damn", but it isn't ok to encourage the child to do it over and over again. Equally as frustrating to me is the parent who thinks his/her child can do no wrong and actually expects other people to indulge their spoiled brat the way they do. When their child does something wrong these parents want to know what the other children, or teacher, or adult did to make their child act this way. The answer to their query is that THEY are the ones who caused their child to act inappropriately by their bad parenting. It is their fault when their children get into trouble or get hurt for refusing to follow the established rules of society. I'll never forget an incident that happened at one of our local stores. Two children who looked to be about 7 or 8 were zipping up and down the checkout isles while their mother looked on without saying a word. She ignored them as they pulled things off of the shelves and slammed the cooler doors over and over again. Finally when one of the little darlings slipped and ran face first into another shopper's cart the clueless mother spoke up and demanded to know why the other shopper had RUN HER CART into the now bleeding youngster!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Mom was finally asked to leave the store with her little hellions when she became verbally abusive with not only the employees of the store but with the customers as well.

The blame for the behavior of bad children of young children can be laid directly at the feet of their parents. Whether they did something to damage the child, didn't provide what the child needed, or encouraged the child's bad behavior the failure of the child to assimilate into becoming a productive member of society is theirs and theirs alone. Being a parent is not easy-it is the toughest job that anyone on this Earth will ever do, and a job that some people should absolutely not be permitted to perform..


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Midnight Lights profile image

      Midnight Lights 5 years ago from USA

      I agree with much of this, but it does take a society to raise children, it does though start in the womb, and continue on in the home. Then the parents must "reiterate" what is being "untaught" again, over and over sometimes. Like you said, "As parents we can only teach our children how they should act, we can't make them do anything."

      That's all I have to say.

      ~Midnight Lights

    • Wendi M profile image

      Wendi M 5 years ago from New Hampshire

      Great hub!

      I've been dealing with my husband (and his ex-wife) indulging my 20 year old stepson, by not making him take responsibility for any part of his life.

      It took the boy 5 years to get through high school (with a 5th grade reading level at best and no knowledge of even basic math.) He spends his summers minimally working odd jobs, with under the table pay, and his winters ice-fishing.

      His father continues to insure his truck and keeps him on his medical insurance. He is also supplied with 4-wheelers, bob-houses, and extra spending money while he plays all winter.

      My husband refuses to see the damage he is doing to his son, and there is nothing I can do or say to make him stop.

      I refuse, however, to allow my husband to make me think I'm crazy because I think this nonsense is going to come back and bite all of us in the butt.

      It's good to know that my concerns are not unwarranted!


    • Kenna Kane profile image

      Kenna Kane 5 years ago from Augusta Georgia

      Very well said - Love it. Your hit dead on. Its so sad to see what people do - why do they even have kids?

    • profile image

      Jeni 5 years ago

      As a young child, my school began taking notice to my bad behavior and problems with innatention. My parents took offense, blamed the school and had my aunt, who was a Special Ed. teacher 'test' me for disorders. Although I clearly failed, she submitted a lie to the school, saying there was nothing wrong with me and that the school was at fault. Now granted, this was over 20 years ago, but I struggled all through school, not ever knowing I had a disability. It wasn't until attempting college that I realized something was wrong. I got my mother to confess things to me, only because she was going through a divorce with my dad and my 'Special Ed' aunt was the sister of my father! Although my intelligence is rather high, I cannot focus and lose interest in everything after only a short time. I have had gambling addiction, been arrested, had many 'partners', ect.. I grew up in a household with parents who eventually lost everything to gambling, an alcoholic and abusive father and verbally abusive and depressed mother. I am the oldest of 5 kids so I had the burden of responsibility put on me at an early age for taking care of them while my parents gambled. There was rarely food in the house. I am always sad for them, sad for myself and for my siblings who all have serious issues. I have not yet gone to therapy but now that I have a child of my own, it won't be long.

      IF you are a parent with a child who has ADHD or ANY type of health deformity, please don't just do nothing. Although we don't like the thought of having our children on medication, think about the success cases of those kids who were treated. Then think about those like myself who clean houses for a living with an IQ high enough to have done so much more, if only my parents cared enough. Don't wait until it's too late.

    • jpifer profile image

      jpifer 5 years ago from New Hampshire

      I couldn't agree with you more! There are so many parents out there (and a lot of them are very intelligent) who do not discipline their kids (from a very early age) at all or are very inconsistent with their discipline, sending mixed messages to kids and this leads to so many problems down the road. I see parents struggling with out of control young kids and then giving into them...putting the control into the kid's hands. They think they have problems now, they have no idea what's waiting for them as the kids get older...look out!

    • uknow profile image

      uknow 5 years ago

      the pictures. that's a man stub wearing a retarded shirt and the little girl-why don't she have on clothes. and did they really upload this. must've leaked out somewhere. it's very unfortunate that some kids are stuck with the parents they have and don't have a choice. when they grow up lost and with other emotional problems, the rest of us have to deal with it. i really think that after people have so many children or after they end up in court for not paying child support or child abuse and neglect,they should be sterilized. no more children for you until you learn how to parent.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 6 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Well researched and excellent hub. This shows that some people should never be parents. It takes an intelligent and mature person to be a parent and many people just do not cut the intelligence and maturity quotients.

    • mikicagle profile image

      mikicagle 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      Seafarer Mama-As a teacher I see hundreds of children every day and the sad fact is that some of them have absolutely no meaningful support from their parents. I personally saw the bruises inflicted on the 5 year old girl by her father yet DHS did nothing. It wasn't the first time they were notified about this parent.

      Jennifer Day I appreciate your comments and agree with you about the lack of empathy in children today and that TV and video games are not always appropriate for children. It disturbs me when I hear older elementary students talking about shows like Jersey Shore-what the heck are their parents letting them watch that inappropriate trash for? It makes me want to scream~

    • Jennifer Day profile image

      Jennifer Day 6 years ago from London (UK)

      Thanks for writing this. The more that is written about irresponsible and permissive parenting, the better - maybe one day we'll reach a tipping point and things will improve?! I agree that a lot of such terrible parenting may be the result of parents who themselves were abused or neglected, but unfortunately (I have personally witnessed a lot when I was a school & parent counselor) far too many parents do NOT have that excuse, but just aren't parenting. So many are just too tired from work or whatever, to actually raise their children, letting them interact with technology instead of with family, and allowing them basically anything they want as long as they leave the parent in peace. The current riots and looting in England are a perfect example of kids who have not been raised, or have been raised by TV & video games, with no concern or empathy for others - significant because empathy is one of our human qualities that doesn't necessarily develop automatically, that needs guidance & parenting to develop, just like so many other good human qualities. If kids are being raised by video games (most of which are violent) and TV (w/ thousand of acts of violence each day), why are we surprised that bullies and rioters are the result. So sad - and if anything sustainable can be done about it, it must start with the parents. Thanks again for this Hub.

    • Seafarer Mama profile image

      Karen Szklany Gault 6 years ago from New England

      Mikicagle - What a bold and truthful hub. I enjoyed reading it, and my heart extends to the children who are abused and neglected each day...when they could be cared for and enjoy the childhoods they are meant to have.

      There is a pregnant woman at the beach we belong to who smokes. I had to look twice when I noticed that this "mother" smokes! Every time I see her I have to bite my tongue. I tell my daughter that this is the wrong thing to do....that it hurts the baby...and that I only put good things into my body when she was inside me.

      So sad that DHS determined that the little girl being abused by her father was safe to stay with him. Didn't sound like they took the time to what are they being paid for? Why did they take the job if they aren't very interested in keeping children safe?

      ruffridyer - Yes, severely neglectful and abusive parents were probably abused themselves, and learned the behavior they manifest as adults...but they have the responsibility to their children and to themselves to find a therapist and/or 12 step group to engage in and begin to recover...especially if they are parents. Family therapy would be necessary, too.

    • mikicagle profile image

      mikicagle 6 years ago from Oklahoma

      JPCMC I agree with you. Just last night we had a lock in at my school for our 5th graders. One of the girls arrived over an hour late and per school policy should not have been admitted. Her two sisters that were a few years older became extremely verbally abusive toward school staff. After the girls went out to their van their 'mother' came to the door-reaking of pot and alcohol. We admitted the 5th grader for safety reasons.

      4 hours later the ill behaved sisters returned along with an older male companion who began banging on the school's door and demanding to be let in. He scared a female custodian so badly she was afraid to be left alone at the school to continue her shift. The two sisters once again became verbally abusive and attempted to go beyond the boundries of the lock in. The sad thing was the 5th grade sister was begging them to behave and doing her best to get them out of the building.

    • profile image

      ruffridyer 6 years ago from Dayton, ohio

      Chances are many "Bad" parents were raised in abusive or neglectful homes themselves, thus learning bad behavior.

    • marlenejns profile image

      marlenejns 6 years ago from Michigan

      Children need to be in school everyday unless they are sick or there is some type of emergency. How can you possibly teach a student who is only in school two days per week? It is disgusting to me how some parents blame teachers for their own shortcomings.

    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 6 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      Children absorb so much from their environment. Their primary care giver - usually the parents has a lot of power in shaping the child. Unfortunately, many questionable behaviors are mimicked by the child. Likewise, consistency in discipline is also a major problem (if there is any disciplining being done). It is not surprising that most problems in adult life can be traced back to their childhood experiences. It's not being too Freudian but the home and the family are influential factors.