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Raising Boys To Be Men: Tips For Single Moms

Updated on June 27, 2014

Boys and Moms

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Raising Boys Alone

Being a parent of boys is fun, busy, and very memorable. They can make you laugh one minute and drive you crazy the next. That is the joy of those adorable, mischievous boys. What happens, though, when boys are being raised without a father influence in the home? Does it affect what kind of adult they become? What can you do, as a single mom, to provide your boys with positive male role models in their lives? These are some of the questions that we moms ask ourselves when we embark on raising our boys on our own. Here are some answers to those unending questions.

Find Positive Male Role Models

Boy Scouts is an organization that can surround your boys with positive male role models.
Boy Scouts is an organization that can surround your boys with positive male role models. | Source
Coaches are positive male role models for boys.
Coaches are positive male role models for boys. | Source

Helping Your Boys Grow

So, you find yourself in a position of being a single mom with boys. What should you do to raise your sons to be well-adjusted young men? Let us look at several ways to help your boys become confident and well-balanced adults.

1. One thing you can do is to get your boys involved in activities where they will have interaction with positive male role models. Every boy has different likes and dislikes, so find an activity that he enjoys. If you have an athletic son, then get him involved with a sport that he likes. If you go to church, get him involved with the youth programs that are available there. If your son likes the arts (painting, music, etc.), find a place where he can take lessons from a male instructor. There are other activities as well, such as Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, Big Brother programs, and many more. It is important for boys to have male role models to emulate.

2. Do not be afraid to teach your boys a female perspective on how they should act. You, as their mom, can teach them to open doors for girls. You can teach them the proper way to treat a young lady on a date (paying for them, asking what they would like, etc.). You can teach them that it is okay to express their feelings to others. You can help them to understand what words and actions are proper when being involved in a relationship. Too often boys are left to imitate the behaviors of others, which may or may not lead to acting in a manner that would be considered appropriate in a relationship. We need to promote those positive aspects from a female point of view.

3. If you have family or friends that live close to you and your boys, try to do activities with them often to give your boys more exposure to healthy relationships and strong male role models. You will often find that your sons will look to these men for guidance. For example, some friends of ours have two boys of their own that are friends with my boys. The father of this family has become a role model for all of my boys, and he treats them like his own sons. These types of relationships are important for them to explore their own growth and understanding of how to behave.


Juggling Duties

Single moms try to juggle all the responsibilities that two parents usually do.
Single moms try to juggle all the responsibilities that two parents usually do. | Source

Growing Awareness

Single moms are amazing people. Somehow they juggle work, home, chores, transportation, holidays, and so many more things, without the help of another parent. Your boys see the trials and tribulations that often come with trying to handle all these responsibilities. Although you may feel that your boys should not see your struggles, it is an awareness that is not necessarily bad. Your boys will appreciate what they have and be more willing to take on responsibilities in the home, which are all life skills that will only aid them in becoming responsible and caring adults. Sometimes less is more.

Keeping Communication Open

Take every opportunity to talk with your boys.
Take every opportunity to talk with your boys. | Source

Constant Communication

One of the most crucial things that all parents often forget is how important it is to communicate effectively with your kids. Boys often struggle in the communication department, so you must teach them early on that communication is the key to everything that will encompass their lives. There is no aspect in their lives that will not be impacted, either positively or negatively, by their ability or lack of ability to communicate. I think that single moms have an advantage here because our boys do not feel like they are competing for that much needed time to talk about things that are important to them. As a single mom, our efforts to communicate need to be much greater as our boys rely on us to lead them in the right direction. If you can teach your boys to communicate well, they will definitely be on the right track to being a responsible adult.

Grown-Up Boys

Boys from a loving single parent home will grow into well-adjusted young men.
Boys from a loving single parent home will grow into well-adjusted young men. | Source

The End Result

Being a single mom is a lot of hard work, especially when raising boys, but the rewards and blessings are so much greater because of your effort. Your boys will not be emotionally inadequate because there is no male role model in the home, especially if the example from their own father was less than stellar. Surround your boys with positive male influences, help them to learn the proper ways a young man should behave, and encourage them to communicate. If you can do these things, your boys will grow up to be the fine young men that they were always meant to be.

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    • ThatMommyBlogger profile image

      Missy 

      2 years ago from The Midwest

      Good tips about finding positive role models. My sons have many positive role models, but they're primarily female.

    • profile image

      Ricky VEE 

      3 years ago

      This article is from a feminized slant. Don't get me wrong but It depends on who the "positive male" is. Only Men can teach a boy to be a man.Just like women can only give birth. There needs to be some middle ground from being a chauvinist pig to being a gentleman. Women in today's society want equality with men. That puts them in a dominant role which is not what nature intended.If that was natures intent women would be able to bench press as much as a man. Male and women relationships need to be complimentary not competitive.

    • holyjeans30 profile image

      Amy D. 

      5 years ago from Mostly in My Own Little World

      One of the most difficult but rewarding things to do in life is for single mothers to raise boys into men. This is a great hub. Voted up and useful.

    • shiningmoments66 profile imageAUTHOR

      Debra Pelletier 

      5 years ago from Norman, OK, 73071

      Thank you. I have raised 3 boys on my own for 9 years. Although it has been a lot of hard work, I feel very blessed that the boys have very positive male role models that have helped them to mature into caring, compassionate and respectful teenage boys now. Since I have only dated a couple of times during this period, I knew that it would be important for them to get that from other men in our lives. We have been so fortunate to have good coaches, youth directors, teachers, and friends that have influenced their lives in such a way that they are confident and loved and comfortable in their own skins. I hope others are as lucky as us.

    • shiningmoments66 profile imageAUTHOR

      Debra Pelletier 

      5 years ago from Norman, OK, 73071

      That is so true. I guess I was speaking from a mom's perspective because that is the one I know. Hopefully, it will encourage single dads to be a strong role model for their boys and be able to help their sons have exposure to good female role models as well. Thanks for the comments.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 

      5 years ago

      Excellent hub! The problem with many men today is that they never had a positive role model when they were growing up. They were never taught good morals and values. Since they were never taught the importance of respecting other people, these boys become men and feel that they can treat women like crap. Some women actually stay with these men because of their low self-worth. So back to your hub, this explains why it is so important to teach boys strong and consistent family values from early on so they can become good citizens.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Good job with great suggestions! I raised my son alone, and many of the things you said about single moms apply to single dads. Anyway, great job.

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