ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Real Teen Mom All Grown-up Part 3

Updated on July 6, 2011


So I decided NOT to let my age be a factor in my parenting.... Although now looking back it did. I was still young enough to realize where I had gone wrong. What things about my parents parenting techniques worked and which didn't. Why had some girls chosen some routes to success and why hadn't I?

Choices... we make them EVERYDAY... but what influences our choices? Why do we choose what we choose? I at 16 now with a 3 month old needed to figure that out.... I had two parents who loved me, yes we had hard-ships but there was always enough love to go around. So love couldn't be all that was required in parenting.

Thus became my Second rule of parenting; Choices.

I had many choices and usually when I'd make a decision I didn't feel good about it. ALL of my final choices seemed to be what others wanted. I was raised in the "do what your told." era. The era of 'When I say jump you jump, only question allowed is how high." I had been conditioned to know how to please others. Even if it meant I didn't feel good about it. I realized that I had gone from my parents making my choices to my peers and my boyfriend making my choices. I had also learnt what MANY others in this situation learn, to lie. I lied to make others feel better, lied to myself that the choices I was making were okay when I knew better than that.

So when they were old enough I tried this theory out. Go ahead 2 year old choose what you'd like to wear.....Karie did ok. some dresses worn over pants or she'd be mismatched with her colors. shorts and sweaters kinda stuff. But then there was Nicole, my second daughter who was in a Woody costume for over a month... So I re-evaluated my theory and instead of wide open choices I narrowed them down. I would choose 3 out-fits for my kids and lay them out on there bed.. Each night they would choose one of my very fashionable choices... Thus we both felt good about it.... Although now, I must say I miss that Disney's Woody costume... LOL.

As they got older I backed off and they chose they're own clothes. Sometimes I didn't get their fashion but I always said you look amazing!! No coat in winter? Alrighty then... But after a day of freezing at school, BAM next day coat on. They'd figured it out! They chose what they liked and learnt to say no thank-you when they didn't like it. Everyday choices, I let them make. I let them learn and they learnt that if they made a bad decision the world didn't end and they gained the knowlegde to choose better next time. All allowance on 1 thing or break it up and save for a larger item and get a small thing now. This was easier with three kids. All making different choices and all seeing the outcomes of eachothers choices. This of course influenced future choices. It worked!!!

I knew that I only had my kids under my influence for a little while and it was my job to ensure that they knew how to make choices while I guided them before they hit puberty. Before the need to break away from me and stand on their own set in.Before the influence of peers. From my experience as being a kid I gathered that between the age of 2-12 they needed to have all their morals and values in place. They needed to trust themselves.

Result; Now at the ages of 14, 15 and 19 my kids are strong minded. They can and will say no. They always know that mom has the final say, but I listen to them, their reasons, and I have to say sometimes the teacher becomes the student. My kids are givers but I am proud to say they don't get walked over or persuaded to do anything they don't want to do... They know how to trust themselves to make good choices. Which in turns lets me trust in them.


1) Love

2) Choices


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • cardelean profile image


      7 years ago from Michigan

      You sound like a wonderful Mom to your three children. I'm big on choices in life. I am a parent of two young children and I allow them also to make choices (within reason). If they have mismatched clothes, so be it!

      As a teacher I also try to instill this idea of choices in my students. It is a very powerful tool and a lifelong skill to have. Nice hub and welcome to Hubpages.

    • jacqui2011 profile image


      7 years ago from Norfolk, UK

      Fantastic hub and very well written. I am much like you in my approach to parenthood. We guide them and give our kids the confidence to be independent to make their own way in the world. Voted up and awesome.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      I love reading your stories Christine, you remind me of myself and my journey with my 5 :)


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)