ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Reality Sets In

Updated on October 15, 2009

 Outside it is sunny.  In the room it is cool and dark.  Two kids are asleep, the other two are out and walking barefoot to the edge of the motel's sidewalk.  The freshly mowed grass sticks to their little toes as they continue on around the side of the motel.  Behind the building there is a quiet place.  Trees, green grass and flowers in bloom.  It is not a fancy motel, in fact it is kind of dumpy.  But these kids don't notice.  They have found a mulberry tree and are happily eating the juicy black berries.  I pick some too.  My heart is so heavy.  My mind is in a fog.  I do not even think how they must be feeling.  They're just kids.  They seem to be okay and happy.  My world is coming to an end.  They are laughing and eating berries.  Thank God for these kids!  I try not to cry.  The other two come out.  We all eat berries.

A couple years ago we had this same corner room.  At that time my wife was here to care for her dad who had been in a bad car accident.  I was so proud of myself!  I cared for the kids and did everything myself for two weeks.  I had no idea that a few short years later, we would be back in the same room and I would be caring for them myself from then on. 

No, she did not die.  Sometimes I think that would have been easier.  The kids stayed in the room.  We came out and sat on the edge of the sidewalk.  She told me.  She wanted me to promise not to cry infront of the kids.  How could I promise that?  We were never going to be a family again.  No sunday morning breakfasts.  No church.  No family days.  No meals together as a family.  No more anything all together.  Only me and the kids and her and the kids.  No more family.  And I am not supposed to cry?

The room was really quite nice for a dumpy motel.  It was shaped like an L with one part for the big bed and another part with a couch that faced away from the bed and towards the TV.  There was a little refridgerator and lots of drawers and a desk.  The couch turned into a bed.  The room was way off in the far corner of the parking lot.  The room was in the corner of the building too.  The kids could roller blade in our little corner of the world.  They wrote with colorful chalk on the sidewalk and parking lot.  They found the berries around the back of the place. 

She came to visit a couple times.  Our last meal together was apples and cheese.  It was a nice little snack.  She cut the apples and sliced the cheddar cheese and we all ate it happily.  Of course I was holding back the tears.  To this day, I cannot hear the crack of an apple being cut or the sounds of apples being bitten into without that sad memory.

I had brought money enough with me to buy the kids all new bicycles.  We had been living in the city, and the bikes they had were left behind when she moved here, 800 miles away.  I wanted to do something nice for the kids and that was the nicest thing I could think of.  I used to love riding bikes when I was their age!  And now, with her out in the country, away from city life, it would be perfect for them to be able to ride around anyplace and not have to worry too much.

But she would not let me stay in her place.  Not even on the floor or in the boy's room.  She actually said she did not want to give me any hope.  Hope of a reconciliation.  And it would send that same message to her new guy.  If I stayed, then there was hope.  If I was not allowed to stay, she was his.  Oh this sucked so bad.  I paid for the motel with the money I had saved for bikes.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • heart4theword profile image

      heart4theword 

      9 years ago from hub

      Stepping out on a limb, sharing, the real stuff...but it is good that other people can see that you are human too. Life seems unfare when things change because of someone elses choices. Especially for our kids. Keep being their for them, they will love you forever for that.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)