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Return Department for Children

Updated on July 4, 2015

Customer Service, Please!

I love my children - really I do. It's just sometimes . . . well they do something that makes me wonder... just who are they?! I was never like that when I was a kid! Not that we were perfect, but we NEVER would cause our parents to wonder - is there a Return Department for Children? Could I get a replacement child - one that is more respectful, more modern, more like me?

Enjoy this lens - with your tongue firmly in your cheek!

The Return Department

"Hello, is this the Return Department?"


"The Return Department for Children?"


"Well I'm having a little problem with one of them and I would like to send her back."


"What's wrong with her? What isn't wrong? Even though I tell her no, she does it anyway."


"Independence? Is that really a good thing? I mean aren't they suppose to idolize our every word . . . forever?"


"Stop laughing. It could happen! Well I really think there is something wrong with her eyes. They roll up into her head."

"Wawawawawa." ."

"What do you mean that's normal? How can that be normal? It's a definite defect!"

"Wawawawawa." ."

"Opinion? They can have opinions? Absurd! Ok here's one . . . the stomping off when you are in the middle of a calm discussion with them. Surely that's not normal!"

"Wawawawawa." ."

"Expressing their unhappiness? That's crazy talk! We were having a calm conversation about how they need to follow every rule that we have and that there is no discussion or compromise. That's not unreasonable is it?"

. . . .

"Hello are you still there? Do you have any suggestions on how to handle these incidents?"


"Humor? How can that help?"


"Humble? Teach through example? If I can laugh at myself and during tough times they will be better people when they grow up. They could learn some of those techniques and be productive adults? Well, that sounds kind of nice but do I really have to show them how to do it? But I don't know how to do that. What should I do?


"Loosen up? Make a joke? But won't they think less of me?


"They'll think more of me? They will respect me? They will actually listen to me?"


"Wait a minute now . . . Why should I compromise? I'm the mom and what I say goes right? I'm always right . . . right? That's in the Mom code . . . right?"


"Pick my battles and there will be less of them? I should give in or compromise with them and they will learn to give in a compromise with me. I guess that is an important life skill. Ok, I'll try your suggestions. I do feel a little better. I think they would work. Now could you connect me to the Return Department for Husbands?"

. . . .

"Hello . . . Hello?"

"William Tell" Mom Video

Tim Hawkins - Parenting

Mom I've Got a Question!

Have You Ever Wanted to Return Your Children?

See results

Would You Like to Return Your Children? - Not every day...just some days!

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    • MyCrazyAdventures profile image

      Melissa 5 years ago from Albuquerque, NM

      This lens is making me laugh out loud. Thanks for the grins.

    • Sheryl Polomka profile image

      Sheryl Polomka 6 years ago

      This lens is too good :) I have often wondered where the returns department for children is, I think mine are faulty, they didn't come with a volume switch!

    • KathyMcGraw2 profile image

      Kathy McGraw 8 years ago from California

      Oh my this was funny.....I used to beg people to take them, after all 16 they were already potty trained and teethed :)

    • Lori Lee-Ray profile image

      Lori Lee-Ray 8 years ago

      I want that return number! LOL this was funny and rings sooooooo true!

    • profile image

      tdove 8 years ago

      Thanks for joining G Rated Lense Factory!