ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Return Department for Children

Updated on July 4, 2015

Customer Service, Please!

I love my children - really I do. It's just sometimes . . . well they do something that makes me wonder... just who are they?! I was never like that when I was a kid! Not that we were perfect, but we NEVER would cause our parents to wonder - is there a Return Department for Children? Could I get a replacement child - one that is more respectful, more modern, more like me?

Enjoy this lens - with your tongue firmly in your cheek!

The Return Department

"Hello, is this the Return Department?"


"The Return Department for Children?"


"Well I'm having a little problem with one of them and I would like to send her back."


"What's wrong with her? What isn't wrong? Even though I tell her no, she does it anyway."


"Independence? Is that really a good thing? I mean aren't they suppose to idolize our every word . . . forever?"


"Stop laughing. It could happen! Well I really think there is something wrong with her eyes. They roll up into her head."

"Wawawawawa." ."

"What do you mean that's normal? How can that be normal? It's a definite defect!"

"Wawawawawa." ."

"Opinion? They can have opinions? Absurd! Ok here's one . . . the stomping off when you are in the middle of a calm discussion with them. Surely that's not normal!"

"Wawawawawa." ."

"Expressing their unhappiness? That's crazy talk! We were having a calm conversation about how they need to follow every rule that we have and that there is no discussion or compromise. That's not unreasonable is it?"

. . . .

"Hello are you still there? Do you have any suggestions on how to handle these incidents?"


"Humor? How can that help?"


"Humble? Teach through example? If I can laugh at myself and during tough times they will be better people when they grow up. They could learn some of those techniques and be productive adults? Well, that sounds kind of nice but do I really have to show them how to do it? But I don't know how to do that. What should I do?


"Loosen up? Make a joke? But won't they think less of me?


"They'll think more of me? They will respect me? They will actually listen to me?"


"Wait a minute now . . . Why should I compromise? I'm the mom and what I say goes right? I'm always right . . . right? That's in the Mom code . . . right?"


"Pick my battles and there will be less of them? I should give in or compromise with them and they will learn to give in a compromise with me. I guess that is an important life skill. Ok, I'll try your suggestions. I do feel a little better. I think they would work. Now could you connect me to the Return Department for Husbands?"

. . . .

"Hello . . . Hello?"

"William Tell" Mom Video

Tim Hawkins - Parenting

Mom I've Got a Question!

Have You Ever Wanted to Return Your Children?

See results

Would You Like to Return Your Children? - Not every day...just some days!

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • MyCrazyAdventures profile image


      6 years ago from Albuquerque, NM

      This lens is making me laugh out loud. Thanks for the grins.

    • Sheryl Polomka profile image

      Sheryl Polomka 

      7 years ago

      This lens is too good :) I have often wondered where the returns department for children is, I think mine are faulty, they didn't come with a volume switch!

    • KathyMcGraw2 profile image

      Kathy McGraw 

      9 years ago from California

      Oh my this was funny.....I used to beg people to take them, after all 16 they were already potty trained and teethed :)

    • Lori Lee-Ray profile image

      Lori Lee-Ray 

      9 years ago

      I want that return number! LOL this was funny and rings sooooooo true!

    • profile image


      9 years ago

      Thanks for joining G Rated Lense Factory!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)