- Family and Parenting»
SORTING OUT THOSE DIFFICULT TEENS
I have just returned from 5 weeks at our holiday complex in Turkey. Lovely weather, superb scenery, superb pool and beaches, in fact everything you could wish for. During my time there I have had great opportunity to watch the current group of European parents dealing with their children and the prospects for the future fill me with horror. It appears that too many parents have completely lost all the principles on which good parenting is based in far, far too high a percentage for us to feel optimistic for the future. Even toddlers seem to have carte blache to run amok whilst mother lounges on a sun bed, cigarette at hand to discuss trivia with another in a similar position. However, let them rest for another time, for what really causes my concerns are the antics of the 12 to 20 year old in both sexes.
Our complex has simple rules to help co-existence which other users and they work well generally but clearly the 12-20 year olds feel they do not apply to them. For example, one Dutch oaf one one day was observed over a 5 hour period at the pool flagrantly breaching basic rules like showering before swimming, not climbing up the water slides, not bringing glass containers to the pool area, not eating in the pool etc etc. He did all of these and more as his mother gazed lovingly and proudly, pausing only to enter the pool to apply sunscreen to her son"s exposed areas. No wonder the boy is a buffoon and did not respond at all well when confronted with his transgressions, complaining he was being picked on.
Russian parents are no better. A group of 4 boys led by a mid teenager consistently flaunted sensible rules whilst Mother and Father beamed happily at them. They were not alone families from UK, Belgium, Sweden, Norway and Turkey itself were all apparently impotent to deal with their own charges.
Dealing with the Problem.
I have always said that there are no bad children only bad parents and this view has been reinforced. The problem starts with mothers not dealing properly with their Toddlers. I used to think SUPERNANNY was a set up each week. I realise now that it is far from it and the simple sense offered by the Nanny to parents is probably beyond a lot of them.
So we get to Teens, where the problems are bigger, louder and certainly difficult to deal with unless there is a clear understanding of what to do and how to do it from parents.However, all the best advice in the world is only of value if parents want to take it to heart and apply to their own positions.Let me tell you that if you have not laid down a good basis of understanding right from wrong, good from bad and what is and is not socially acceptable by the time children reach 7/8 years you have missed the bus and face a long haul home. If you have then the e-book link at the end of this will be of terrific assistance in recognising Teen problems and behavior and how to react, or in some cases, not to react to it.I suspect my link would be useless to the mother of the idiot from Holland, but if, as all of us do, you encounter problems with teens and want to seek ways of dealing with them, then this could well be for you.
Finally, let no one think that the young of today are different to those in the past and that amongst them there is not a healthy percentage of top quality young minds and personalities. The current ill equipped section of parents of teens did not get the best from their own parents in certain sections, so we must not be amazed that they are useless parents themselves. Just carry that line through another 3 generations for example and the bad will swamp the good and that is the big worry. The parent who says now that they need help with their Teen, may have failed earlier but is showing a desire ti up their game and as such should be encouraged, as for example they will be by finding, through the link for example, the principles of sound parenting and also finding examples which mirror those they currently face with information on what to do positively.
Of course it is only parents who truly care who would contemplate linking on, whilst others will say that they have no problems and live happily with their head in the sand till the day some catastrophe, as it surely will, befalls them.If you have a teen you are dealing with now, do not join them. Time marches on after all.