Secret Confessions of a Mother
Should I do this?
Confession time, I labored over whether I should publish this hub. Deciding to share your secret confessions can often backfire, but I've decided to take the chance.
Up until now I've made a conscious effort to portray myself as a model parent, the unofficial ambassador of parental positivity and love. But recently I came to the realization that it isn't doing anyone any good, least of all me. Being a parent is full of its ups and downs, lightness and dark, but so is life in general.
In this moment I am choosing to share my secret confessions as a mother in the hopes that it will free others from the chains of pseudo-happiness, and pseudo-perfection. I'm ready to confess...
Mommy Blog to Check Out
- Hot Mess Mom
The outrageous antics of a hot mess mom! Painfully funny, brutally honest, follow this mama of three boys as she contends with the ups and downs of motherhood and chaos. A good laugh and a must read for all mothers living in chaos.
Secret Confession #1: I don’t always like my children
I always love them, but sometimes I don’t like them. It is painful to admit and makes me feel as though I will lose the mother of the year award I’ve been vying for, but it’s true. When they are fighting non-stop, destroying everything around them and lying, I start doing the math to figure out how many more years to go until they are likely to move out. This isn’t all the time, but enough to make me feel guilty.
Secret Confession #2: I wanted to do something else with my life
I love being a mom, it's the thing that I am most proud of and brings me more joy and fulfillment then I thought possible, but this wasn’t the only thing I wanted to do with my life. I had dreams of becoming a writer and documentary film maker, of traveling the world and living life on the road. Don’t get me wrong I have no regrets, but every once in a while I wonder what that life would have been like.
Secret Confession #3: I am jealous
My girls are beautiful. And I am not just saying that because I’m their mother. They are all slim, blonde, tan and tall. They are all also adopted. I am, on the other hand, short, round and freckly. They eat non-stop and struggle to gain weight. Clearly that is not the case for me. The genetic gods were not nearly as kind to me in the looks department. I’ll call a spade a spade, I’m green with envy.
Super Fun Mommy Blog
- | An American mom in Australia blogs about things and stuff
An American mom in Australia blogs about things and stuff (by Mommy Adventures) If you've ever dreamt of picking up and living in another country with your family, this is the blog for you.
Secret Confession #4: I lie
Just a few paragraphs ago, I complained that my children lie, but I do it too. Sometimes it’s just easier to lie then to get into it with them and sometimes I don’t want them to know the truth. I always thought I would be a truth at all costs kind of parent, but maturity and life have shown me that’s not always possible. There are a lot of shades of grey and the truth can be too complicated and tiring to explain to a child. Sometimes I lie to protect my children, but other times it’s to protect me.
Secret Confession #5: I did and do some of the very things I tell my children not to do
I am raising three preteen girls which is a veritable mind field of insanity and trouble. Between talking about safe sex, the dangers of drugs and alcohol, and online predators, I feel like my head will explode. But what I don't tell my girls is that I made a lot of the mistakes I am trying to warn them about. And furthermore, I honestly believe that making some of these mistakes is their birth rite as soon to be teenagers. So why I am selling them a myth? Why am I being less then honest about my past? In my head I have justified it by thinking that when they are are grown up they can make all the bad decisions they want, but while they are children they need to think that good choices are their only real option.
Secret Confession #6: I think school is utterly useless boloney and yet I send my children
Every morning my girls trundle out of the house, with their homework done, a healthy lunch packed, and a smile on their face to a place that I think is a complete waste of time. Wait, that's not fair, it teaches our children to comply and stand in line, so that's something. (Teachers please do not freak out on me, I know you have no resources and support etc.) But essentially school is a babysitting service, a place to send our children so parents are not responsible for educating them. So if I feel that way why do I make my children go you ask? Because the thought of home schooling them makes me want to run from my house screaming. After a summer with them at home I need them to go. Go play dodge ball for six hours straight if you have to, just go somewhere. Which brings me to my final confession.
Secret Confession #7: I like being away from my children
Not all the time, but when I say I miss them, I don't always mean it. I enjoy my time alone or with other adults. I get to be just me again and that feels good. It feels good to be more then someone's mother and only think of myself occasionally. I am not saying that I want to be away from them all the time, but I am not one of those mythical TV mothers who thinks of their child every waking moment of the day. Maybe these mothers exist and I'm just the rotten apple. My question for these mothers is "what do you do when your children grow up?"
Free at last
Phewffffff! You know I actually feel better for getting that off my chest. I'm glad I confessed. I'm not perfect, I'm human. There, I've said it, even though I know no mother is supposed to. And I know this hub might be polarizing and poorly received, but I'm okay with it. I'm okay with my lightness and dark and being both a person and a mother. Now I put it to you, do you have anything you'd like to confess?