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Should we; or shouldn't we?

Updated on February 19, 2015

Having one or more children is a long, expensive, demanding commitment. Not having a child is a decision some people should make, or shouldn't they?

A lot will happen before that child joins classmates and teachers in First Grade.
A lot will happen before that child joins classmates and teachers in First Grade. | Source

The Stork visits some homes more than once, and skips some others.

A Haiku - Decisions

Choosing? Choose wisely.

The path goes on from this choice.

Don't travel it twice.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I suggest that deciding whether or not to raise a family by having a child, or adopting one, is an even more important decision than deciding whether or not to get married.

Marriage itself has been declining in popularity for a number of years now, and while marriages have remained the epitome of committed relationships for most of the history of marriage, today's "moderns" are prone to suggest that today's "committed relationships" are simply an adult version of "going steady" until someone misspells "going" as gone, and "steady" as split.

Having written a series of questions which have helped couples decide if the other half of the couple is a good candidate for a lifelong marriage, I have set about the task of coming up with another series of questions to help any couple decide whether or not they really want to be parents.

I won't detail either set of questions here, but the "Should we; or shouldn't we?" question is the one any set of potential parents should give some serious thoughts to.... long, detailed, thoughtful thoughts to.

Once the answer they agree upon is an affirmative one, the next long, detailed, thoughtful thoughts need to be devoted to the question of "When?"

There are no right or wrong answers to any of these questions.

Certainly there are right and wrong reasons to marry, and there are right and wrong reasons for deciding to bring one or more children into that relationship. Once those two reasons have been agreed upon, the question of "When?" is a critical one....unless nature has already suggested a likely answer.

If marriage (or a "committed relationship") was based in part on resolving whether or not love would include loving a child the two partners will share responsibility for, "When?" is the only remaining question, but a very important one where it has optional potential answers.

In such cases, there are concerns to weigh, such as the parents' ages and health, financial ability, career considerations, depth of commitment, family histories, potential genetic factors, living circumstances, and maturity.

Having and poorly parenting an unwanted child is doing no one any favors, least of all the child. In such circumstances giving the child up for adoption can be a sound alternative for all concerned.

On the other hand, welcoming a child into a truly committed relationship in which the two partners are agreed that they want to assume the responsibilities of raising a child to adulthood. while loving and devotedly parenting that child, and any succeeding children joining the family, is the surest guarantee that everyone in the family will benefit and succeed.

Will that parenting be easy? It is never easy. Will it be easier? Yes, because it began the right way.


© 2012-2015 Demas W. Jasper All rights reserved.


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    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 5 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      Sueswan: The risk of raising a child as a single parent (either partner) is even higher in the lives of unmarried parents. Thanks for the read, comment, (and score?)

    • profile image

      Sueswan 5 years ago

      Hi Perspycacious,

      I agree that having children is a bigger and more important decision than marriage and should not be taken lightly.

      In many cases, when a woman decides to have a child, she is taking the chance that she will end up raising it alone.

      Voted up and away.

      Have a good weekend. :)

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 5 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      aviannovice: You are right. For most decisions there is a right way....and all the other ways. Thanks for reading and commenting.

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 5 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      carol7777: Giving too little thought to such big decisions leads to so many problems later. The same is true, of course, to other decisions we should all "think twice" (at least) about. Thanks for the read, the comment (and the score?)

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 5 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      Yes, Demas, the right way is what it is all about.

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 5 years ago from Arizona

      i only wish you needed a license to have a child..I know that is not possible and human rights and all that. There are so many who want and cannot have and so many that have that don't want. Great hub on the subject. Voting up.