ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

So Now You Have To Co-Parent:Dos and Don'ts

Updated on March 18, 2016

Are you currently co-parenting?

See results
We split two months before our sons first birthday, but we still managed to have his first birthday together.
We split two months before our sons first birthday, but we still managed to have his first birthday together.

Having to co-parent can be one of the hardest tasks individuals will ever have to do. Co-parenting means having to set aside your feelings about that other individual and do whats best for your child. Over the past two years, I've had time to go through my own fair share of trying times and learn how to work through those hard feelings and co-parent to the best of our abilities. Here are a few ways to co-parent correctly.

1) Get along with the other parent no matter what your feelings are towards them. If your child is in the room, hold back any yelling or condescending comments because the child can pick up on that or feel when there is tension between the two of you. You don't want your child to ever feel like it is their fault that you two are fighting so it is best to make the child as comfortable as possible through this new transition time. Remember, it is harder on them then you to go from having one home to now two, mom and dad no longer living together and starting a brand new routine.

2) Always encourage a relationship between the child and the other parent. This means no bad mouthing the other parent to the child and hold your negative comments about them until the child is at least somewhere they can not hear it. If the child asks you to call their other parent, LET THEM! Your child at that moment could only need to hear that other parents voice to get them to calm down or get them through the rest of the day. If the other parent calls/texts to see if they can spend some extra time with the child, let them unless previous plans are in place. It can be extremely hard on the non custodial parent to lose out on time with their child or even learn to live without them in the same house every day.

3) DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT USE YOUR CHILD AS A WEAPON! This can be extremely hard for the primary parent to understand. Their anger/emotions need to be locked away when thinking about what's best for the child. If the primary parent is supposed to be getting child support, but isn't receiving it, they still need to let the non custodial parent see their child. Money should never be a factor in the relationship between the child and parents. Those are two completely separate categories or at least they should be. Even if you hate that other parent with everything inside of you, you can not raise your child to hold those same views. If the opposite parent is not a risk to the child then your child should be able to have a healthy relationship with both parents.

4) Set up rules and guidelines that both of you are comfortable with. This will make everything run smoothly. Decide what days your child will spend with each parent, whose responsible for buying necessities or how to split it and figure out where the child will be for each holiday. Remember, you two are no longer in a relationship so try to keep the personal lives separate until you guys think you can handle it.

Everything will be a learning process until you find routines and guidelines that work for everyone involved. It's honestly a trial and error sort of set up. That isn't what freshly split co parenters want to hear, but one set up may not work the same for your guys as it did for another split up couple. Do what's best for your child first and for most and then go from there. There will be rough days, but i promise you it gets easier as more time passes.

Was this article helpful?

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Jason White 417 profile image

      Jason White 

      2 years ago from Canal Winchester, OH

      This is a good read. I'd recommend it to others starting on the co-parenting journey. I've been co-parenting for 4 years. This is the kind of article I could have used back when I started. I've learned a lot through trial and error.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)