Sometimes You Have To Love From Far Away
Sometimes You Have To Love From Far Away
You cannot help the family that you are born into. The beauty however of being an adult, is the abililty to pick the extended family that is the healthiest for you and your kids (if you have any) that will enhance, encourage, and transform your emotional and personal growth and true potential. That love also needs to be reciprocated and that support system is not always blood related.
You cannot change the way that someone is, whether you want to wholeheartedly believe that you can or not. They first have to realize there even is an issue, to even start to begin that process and must do so on their own timing. You either have to accept them for who they are, hold their hand through the process, or walk away from the situation.
If the values and morals you have attained throughout life doesn't match up with the morals and values of the people in your life at the moment, there will naturally be some friction. If what they are producing in life isn't what you approve of, or the lifestyle that they are living doesn't fit into the lifestyle you are presently building, looking to build, or have already built, it is probably not the most healthy friendship or relationship to be involved in to begin with.
Maybe some negative situations have happened in the past. The members of your family or friends did not approve of what you did while going through your different phases of life, and they still, decades later, hold onto their resentments. They chastise you for the things you did when you were a teenager, they remind you everyday of your past mistakes, where at in your life that you have went wrong, and my most favorite “You will never do anything with your life or be anybody, I feel sorry for your kids.”
It's their healing that needs to occur in their life, not just yours. The resentments they have from the past towards you, isn't personally you. There are things they need to work on themselves for their own self growth. Some people don't think self growth is an important part of life, but when they see it happening in anothers life, they realize there is something wrong somewhere with their own. It reminds them of their failures or lack of effort in their own life and they feel the need attack your life instead of focusing on themselves. Do not let someone else's toxic behavior make you feel like you are in the wrong in any situation, especially if you know that you aren't. Stand your ground, no matter how hard it may seem and don't let the toxic behavior warp itself into your mind because mind state my friend is everything!
Some are just masters at mind manipulation and will do whatever they can to turn the situation around, so that you are always the bad guy. They can make you feel that it was something you did wrong when it probably wasn't. Most likely they just don't want the lime light of their current wrongs, so of course the insignificant issues around your past life, are just a distraction to their own life in the present. It's nothing more then their toxic, dysfunctional behavior coming out and trying to find ways to effect you.
Some people take longer then others to heal, it's a unique process of it's own. Some will never heal, and you will always be thought of as the same person that they make you up to be in their own mind. You cannot let it effect the growth that you have worked so hard to accomplish. Some people lack empathy and that's not anything to do with you or anyone else. You cannot make someone see or inherit that quality, it comes with wisdom. People that lack wisdom, lack understanding. People that lack knowledge, lack life. No matter what, in their eyes, you will always be the same old you.
If you have been able to make peace with your past, admit the mistakes you have made and are able to learn from them, you are on your own path of growth and don't let anyone knock you off of it! Take each day as an opportunity to keep striving and to become the person you know you can be, nobody's input matters. Do not compete with anybody except the person that you were yesterday, and your life will start changing for the better. Even if it's daily baby steps walking towards the goals you have set in place for yourself. Choosing to make amends with those from the past that you remain in touch with, or personally making amends on your own accord with those you don't is needed for your own healing, to be able to move on, and that is just the beginning.
Don't give into gossip, small minds discuss people, big minds discuss ideas, don't forget that! If you can lay your head down at night knowing you aren't the same person as you were before and in your heart know that you are making changes to become the person you want to be (nobody stays the same anyways, change is an inevitable process of life) don't let anyone make you feel bad about the old you or the way your life is in the present moment because of your mistakes. Some are lessons some are fate. You can't always control what happens to you, you can however control how you react to it.
Maybe it's something they see in you that they wish they were more like. Maybe they are just an envious type of person that cannot be happy for another persons accomplishments. Maybe they take everything as a competition and your accomplishments make them feel bad because they aren't accomplishing the same things you are, or it's making them feel like they need to do be doing more so they look like they are doing something. Regardless of the situation, nobody deserves to live in a toxic environment.
There is hope. Reach out for support. Go to a group. Relocate if needed. Find people that truly love you, can be loved by you and let you be you. Friendships are just as important, if not more, then an intimate relationship. From experience never push your friends away for a relationship, no matter what it may seem like or how serious it gets. That is the support you are going to need the most when life gets overwhelming.
Some don't have anyone and have to rely on but themselves to keep themselves motivated and going. Whatever the situation is don't let others bitterness of others steal your light!
Life is a journey and we will go through it no matter what, learn to use your mistakes as building blocks to your future, not a reason to be a victim and give up.
Roles of The Dysfuncional Family
Signs You Are In A Toxic Relationship
- Signs You're in a Toxic Relationship - Health.com
Unhealthy behaviors between romantic partners, friends, or coworkers aren't always as obvious as they seem. Here are signs that there are problems in your relationship.
Letting Go of Toxic Relationships and Rediscovering Yourself
- Letting Go of Toxic Relationships & Rediscovering Yourself
It’s never easy to let go of relationships, but when the pain of holding on is far greater than the pain of letting go, it’s time to take the leap.
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