ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Sometimes a Woman Has to Have a Man

Updated on June 17, 2013

XIX

My wife was traveling for work; so, when I came home and found a policeman waiting at my doorstep, my heart stopped. I considered countless tragedies he was awaiting to share. I considered her son who was standing next to me and prayed that the officer would have the decency to allow me to excuse him and give me time to scream my curses to God before drying my eyes and putting on a brave smile while telling her child that it would be just him and me against the world. But the officer wasn't there to tell me I was a widow. He was there to tell me my nine year old stepson had been accused of a crime, but what I heard was, "It's time for you all to get a man."

For several years before this incident, I had been insisting to my wife that I was picking up on behavior that would have long term ramifications if not addressed. Hearing me but not wholeheartedly believing me, she would try to do things my way, but would often fall flat. Other times she would totally ignore me. But I was relentless- in hindsight, perhaps too relentless. I was very hard on him, because I felt that I had to be the total disciplinarian and make up for what his mother would not do. This caused a lot of conflict between her and me. Little did I know that it would take a near expulsion from school and a police officer at our door before she would see what I saw.

Foolishly, I thought the major problem was her not seeing the problem, but actually it was trying to fix it. Before the police came knocking at our door, I had one bag packed. I had, had enough of his behavior and her ignoring it. Then two things happened. She and I talked, and, that time she really seemed to understand that the problem was real. Secondly, in an emotional outburst I looked him in his eyes and told him that I refused to be a loser. I explained that I was now at war to win him from the streets and I was going to be doggone if I lost. With tears rolling down my face, I explained to him that I would stop at nothing to save him. And that promise kept my feet firmly planted at home.

As a result of his behavior, our home life had to completely change. He immediately went into counseling. Also, he could no longer go outside alone. That meant he couldn't help out by walking the dog, or taking out the trash, or even walking to the bus stop. He couldn't even be trusted to be in any part of the house alone. If he went downstairs to eat a bowl of cereal, someone had to be there. His prison was our prison. But even with all that, there was a missing link. Despite all our good intentions, we were in over our heads. We were two women trying to make sense of a troubled young boy. We needed. He needed. All of us needed a man.

I suggested to his mother that perhaps he could go live with his godfather for a period. She was afraid to ask, so of course I did. We agreed that he would spend several weeks with him over the summer. Also, his grandfather called and wanted him to visit him. He would spend another week or so there. We made it through the remainder of the school year, and, at the beginning of the summer, immediately shipped him off. And that has made all the difference.

A troubled young boy left my home and a budding young man returned. During his time with real men, he worked on cars and had conversations a boy can only have with a man. While away, he called me to let me know that he had matured, that the old him was gone and that he was a new man, and that he was ready to begin dating. He came back home talking about being a man of integrity- and yes that is the word he used. And now that he is home, he is showing me constantly that he is a changed man. For the first time in a year, he made the honor roll. He thinks about how his choices are the causes of his punishments instead of shifting the blame on his 'mean' parents. And I know that this shift is because of the positive male influences in his life. Thankfully, we didn't learn too late, that sometimes you just need a man.

(Scroll to the bottom to post comments.)

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • AMarie Jackson profile imageAUTHOR

      AMarie Jackson 

      5 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      I am glad that you found this to be a welcomed surprise. It is very difficult being a single mother. More appropriately for us, it isnt that we are single but lacked a male influence. And that is so fundamental when trying to teach a boy how to be a man.

    • FL2BoysMom profile image

      FL2BoysMom 

      5 years ago

      What a surprising story. And very endearing. When I got the email from HubPages, I thought I was about to read an article slamming women who feel that they need a man, and I was oh so prepared for a knock down drag out fight. I was a single mom for two and a half years, and I have boys. Having a 'male influence' around, has been a huge help to me in understanding them, and living with them.

    • AMarie Jackson profile imageAUTHOR

      AMarie Jackson 

      5 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      He is finally in a place where he can totally be himself. He is really flourishing. Everywhere he goes people are speaking so highly of him.

    • profile image

      Brenda P. 

      5 years ago

      I'm glad he's maturing, its so funny hearing about the things he does now, especially the girl friend. I can't wait to see him again, I can hear him and D.J. talking about the girls.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)