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Teenagers in love - and all that comes along with it for the parents

Updated on March 12, 2012
Sex is something everybody talks about.....how can a teenager resist?
Sex is something everybody talks about.....how can a teenager resist? | Source

Me, personally coming from Germany and growing up there....then coming to this country years later - I felt dumbfounded by the way teenage sex, especially when it comes to teenager/parents is addressed or not addressed. I had a friend who asked me one day what to do and how to talk to her son about sex and the first girlfriend etc....It puzzled me - because for me it was a very natural and simple thing to do - go and talk. She was scared to death! Well, scared to death to talk - how will you react when your son comes home one day with the news "Mom, my girlfriend is pregnant...". If you can't handle to talk with your son, how do you want to handle that?

Well, they are teenagers....with hormones swirling around, hearing from others about love and sex, the tv is not hiding the topic either, magazines available everywhere, internet provides info in every way, Dad has some porn movies at home and they caught their parents watching it (parents never noticed - they were too exited!). Maybe they even heard their parents through closed doors! How do you want to keep the kids away from something that everybody talks about, must be somewhat exiting and fun. Off course they have to try it!

While the teens today do not seem much more mature in other ways, but their hormones are going crazy at much younger age - so their interest grows at younger age as well. It's about time to address the topic once you notice there are changes - this is not my little boy/girl anymore....They also grow up in an environment where sex is no longer hidden and a secret as it used to be. And when you are ready to talk to them - don't be surprised if they already know it all and maybe even more than you wish they would know about it.

Now you are getting worried....the first boyfriend/girlfriend! Oh, no....don't get involved and get pregnant! Best thing - get strict now and enforce rules of where to be and when to be home etc. Well, you really think that will help? Don't you remember....the more things were forbidden, the more you feel like doing it? Believe me - they find a way to have sex elsewhere....and then it happens, what you are so afraid of....They do it without protection. How could they have asked for protection, when you clearly signal that you forbid any sex or relationship? You are creating a barrier instead of an open door.

While my parents didn't do everything right, but when I was ready for sexual encounter and very young age, they were at least that straight forward and told me I should come to them, if I wanted the pill. When I was ready I asked for it! Yes, they knew now what I was up to....but do you really think they didn't know without me asking?

I don't believe in keeping boyfriend/girlfriend apart, giving strict orders when to be home etc....all these things just cause them to do it in secret and unprotected. And then that what you worry about most happens....And that is what happens in the US way too much. - I actually was shocked when I came here and learned about the ratio of underage girls being pregnant or already being a mom. I was the youngest mom at 21 in a big group of pregnant women, I was very young overall in Germany. Are there teenage pregnancies in Germany? Yes, but by far not as many as here....and it puzzles me. Is it really just the education parents are afraid of? Or is there something else?

I don't think it is a good idea to be a mom under the age of 20 at all. It takes a lot of maturity and it is rough with the first child. Often the finances are not that great when you just started your job or career. Both the mother and the father are still too young and still developing emotionally and mentally - many are not capable of handling a baby and are overwhelmed within no time at all. Some don't get any support by their parents and left on their own with the new life.

For the Christian at heart my idea of not forbidding the teenager to have a relationship and to have sexual experiences, might be against any biblical teaching and offensive. But I am also looking at it from a different point of view - the Christian point of view might be yours, but not that of your teenager son or daughter. How can they agree with you, when they don't feel the same way and most of them do not, because there is just too much curiosity about sex.

While I firmly believe in God I somehow can't find agreement in no sex before marriage for some reasons. First of all, sex is the most intimate part of a relationship - and there is no other place than in a relationship where you encounter sex (at least you shouldn't!) - So, if you don't get the chance to explore yourself in this area, about how you feel and what you like etc....how can you possibly find someone who blends with your sexual ideals? I also feel that sexual experience goes along with maturing. I know of some, who were just going stray over and over again....not able to settle until they were in their early 30". Now imagine this individual, getting married with no sexual experience and now with the urge to just stray along....chances are they will go cheating - which will probably end in divorce....Marriage without finding your true self including your sexual experience might come with the high risk of divorce. - What if your sexual desires collide? He wants it wild - she wants it sweet and plain and they just can't find a compromise? Wouldn't it be better to realize before marriage?

My son is 17, he has a girlfriend and things ended up that he is living with her and her mother, they get along very well and everything is fine. I am not scared, because I know they don't have to have sex in secret, but also because I talked to my son and they both have a clear sound mind on this. A friend of mine, their son ...is now a father of a little boy....he is a year younger than my son. After the birth they split up....The girl lied to him, telling him she would take the pill. Not nice from her! Still, nobody will consider it - he still will be held responsible for the boy for life. - My son was shocked when he heard about him being a father. I was glad that he had this happening so close to his circle of friends.....as a lesson for him.

I believe the best prevention is to talk about sex, being open towards your teens desire to have sex, even if it goes against your grain - but trust me - if they want to do it...they will find a way and that way is much more dangerous, because it is unprotected. Which way do you feel better?Knowing that they have sex and where they have it? Or fearing that they might have sex?

First love, first flirt....and sex is next
First love, first flirt....and sex is next | Source

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    • beadreamer247 profile image
      Author

      beadreamer247 5 years ago from Zephyrhills, FL

      Hi coffeegginmyrice,

      I am glad to hear that you have such a great relationship with your children and while there is nothing wrong with some strictness, I think you seem to have the right sense of when you push the wrong buttons and when not. This generation is very different and I am not sure, but I think it feels like that with every generation.

      But I am not sure about your worries that your trust with your older daughter's boyfriend will be affected. First of all...if they have sex and she ends up pregnant - it is not just her boyfriend, but it takes two to have sex....So, your daughter made the choice to have sex at the same time. And I think it is less about trust, unless they come to you and ask for protection (like the pill) - but far more to have a better understanding, why it happened. Sometimes - even though they know it all and the risk, but the curiosity and their hormonal desire just are too overwhelming. Often they also think "it won't happen to me"....until it does! They are young and think they know it all etc - just like we did - and do stupid things (well, they won't think they are stupid until they are older and look back....just like we do now).

      You did not mention how old your daughter is....so I assume she is still in school. And if your daughter knows your strictness she might not even be willing to talk to you about this topic and do things in secret...Strictness can sometimes cause the kids not even to come forward....

    • coffeegginmyrice profile image

      Marites Mabugat-Simbajon 5 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

      I have two young girls and hope my heartfelt advice would stick in their heads and hearts until they are grown and ready. I hope that my trust to my older daughter's boyfriend will remain intact and not be broken. I come from a strict upbringing and I am definitely doing the same upbringing to my two girls, not to be harsh, but to be reasonable, forgiving, understanding and loving in hard love so they know they can talk to me or run to me if one day they need advice or a shoulder to cry on. I don't just offer them a shoulder but wide arms and a mother's heart. I pray that they will both be guided well and become wiser, respectful and responsible girls. Our kids, our pride. Prayers, lots of love and support in the family, and great circle of friends will help carry our children in their growing-up journeys.

      Thank you beadreamer247 for a wonderful insight.

    • ThomasBaker profile image

      ThomasBaker 5 years ago from Florida

      I really agree with many of your points. I would also say that your Hub was extremely well written; like a professional. I am hoping to see more of your articles in the future.

      Tom

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      I have always talked with my children about the birds and bees. I left it up to his father to talk to the oldest and his girlfriend was pregnant at 16. My son is now 25 with 4 children and struggling because they decided he should drop out of school at 18 so they could get married. She was already pregnant with their 2nd. I talked with him but no one talked to her. She would not use birth control.

      My two youngest had their good example and may not ever have kids, but that is up to them. At the moment, I am just happy that there will be no more grandchildren for awhile. My son's wife finally listened to me and decided that after 4 kids, she would get her tubes tied. HOORAY.

      The other two are smarter.

    • Saleeln18 profile image

      Saleeln18 5 years ago from Illinois

      I really liked this hub, good job.

      I was (and still am) a teenager in love so I understand full well what you're saying here. Like you my mother had no problems talking to me about sex or anything like that when I got my with girlfriend, she accepted it and just told me to be ready and to be careful.

      My girlfriends parents on the other hand seemed to be petrified of it, the took the fear you mentioned here to the extreme. They went to great lengths to ensure me and her would never do anything like that, ridiculous lengths actually (not that that was the only reason).

      Me and the girl actually ended up breaking up but then getting back together a while later except this time we didn't tell her parents. But eventually they found out and all hell broke loose, they took her to the doctor to get her checked for pregnancy and sexual activity just to find that neither of the two had been going on.

      Now after finding this out, their controlling ways are allegedly going to subside, the were apparently so ridden with fear that it drove them to do everything in their power to keep us apart, everything but actually talk about sex with her/us (talk about it rationally and civilized that is).

      Anyways, I'm sorry for ranting all over your hub lol but you did a great job!

    • beadreamer247 profile image
      Author

      beadreamer247 5 years ago from Zephyrhills, FL

      Hi gmwilliams,

      thanks for your support. I feel it is the responsiblity to talk to your kids about sex, regardless of the fact that they already might know more than you want them to know at some point. But I feel when you talk to them, even though they feel somewhat embarrassed and don't really want to share their own thoughts - trust me they listen. And they know - if things really get to a point where they need to turn to their parents...they know they can. And we cannot be there right next to them as they grow up 24/7.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I applaud your intelligent and frank approach to sexuality. Sex education should begin as young as possible with age appropriate teaching. As the child becomes older, more mature subject matter should be included in the discussion.

      I see nothing wrong with preparing teenagers and arming them with contraceptives if they elect to engage in sex. Many teenagers who become pregnant often come from homes when sex is seldom discussed and/or mentioned. I applaud what you are doing immensely!