ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The 10 Baby Commandments

Updated on April 1, 2015

The world is a big place for a little chap like me and unfortunately parents don't come with instruction manuals (if only they did)! So I thought that I would write one. Here are some pieces of advice I would like to share for all you who were in fact born yesterday. Here are the mantras that I have lived by and that have carried me this far – there are 10 to be precise.

A Day in the Life of a Baby

Stretch, yawn, slap my Mummy's face

Oh great, look at that, she is wide awake

Morning Mummy, big hug, I love you

by the way I might have done a... never mind


Breakfast time and porridge is really yummy

Plus it makes Daddy's clothes look very funny

A little milk on the side I need strength to play

And cause lots of mischief when eyes turn away


You see being a baby is serious business

I have Daddy's ears to pull and Mummy's nose to twist

So much to learn and fun things to see

and every bath time I must have a big....


SPLASH


It's bedtime already I'm more awake than before

'Go to sleep' you say, I say you're being a bore

Though I'm enjoying this cuddle, I like snuggling with you

While I'm cosy and warm I might well do a …..


ZZZZZZ!

Perhaps some of the big people will read this also and some day come to understand how hard we work, day in and day out - its not all milk naps and cuddles...ok a lot of it is milk, naps and cuddles but we earn them.


  1. Bite or lick everything- I mean everything! Apart from the fun range of textures and tastes you will encounter; the variation of responses you get from the grown ups is brilliant. My favourite response so far is from when I tried to eat the wheels of my pushchair- who knew Mummies could move so fast!

  2. There will be days when a big person will leave you alone for a few minutes and you will hear them say to themselves 'Baby will be alright for 30 seconds; What's the worst that could happen?' We aren't old enough to understand the meaning of rhetorical so be sure to do your true diligence, experiment lots and find out exactly what is the worst thing that could happen while they are away.

  3. Mummies do not like doing housework, it makes them sad. It is a kindness, therefore, to show her you care and feel her pain. Cry non-stop and passionately while she cleans; she will appreciate your act of empathy.

  4. You are little so be sure to be loud, especially when out and about. With so many distractions at somewhere like the grocery store, it must be a tough job to keep track of us – make full use of your lung capacity and let everyone know exactly where you are.

  5. You know how much they love our tiny little outfits, we do make them look extra beautiful. It's so sad to leave them sat in a drawer and we grow out of them so quickly so get through as many as you can in a day. See each fresh change as a new challenge to find a reason to need changing again; get creative.

  6. Spread food everywhere...it's called sharing and is just plain fun. My personal best was rusk on the back of my head but see the possibilities not the limitations and smear away.

  7. Socks are obviously important, we aren't allowed to put them down for a second without them being brought back to us. Never stop trying to figure out what they are meant for and if you ever do feel the wiser please tell the other babies. I have already eliminated chewing, throwing or posting under the couch.

  8. When they are awake big people check on us regularly but a major flaw in the design of the parent prevents them from being able to check on us when they are asleep, this can be overcome by ensuring that they don't sleep for too long at a time.

  9. When you hear the word 'No' don't be lazy, check repeatedly what it is exactly that they are forbidding, when you think that you have it worked out then check a few more times to be sure. As soon as everyone looks away check again to establish if it's still a 'no'.

  10. I have to be honest – my methods aren't foolproof and I have broken one or both parents before. A broken parent is easy to spot by excess caffeine consumption, tears, shouting, excess sugar consumption, pulling out of hair or hugging the knees while rocking back and forth. If you suspect you have broken a parent flash them a smile...it really fixes everything!

Other Games for Funsies

I thought I would finish with a few fun game ideas. If you manage to keep to all the above and still have time on your hands, there is no doubt, you deserve some fun!

Fun with Words Big people are so desperate for us to learn the art of chattering (though I don't think I need to because my Mummy talks enough for the both of us); play on this desperation and have some giggles. Find one of their phrases that you can almost imitate, you don't need to be able to repeat it exactly just something close ('e-o' for 'hello' or 'gigga-goo' for 'I love you'). Wait till you hear them say your chosen phrase and repeat your imitation as loudly as you can- wait...everyone will stop...everyone will look at you. The fun and games to follow is indescribable, the voices and sounds everybody makes to try to get you to say your phrase again you could not imagine. Do not repeat it, just sit there and have a quiet chuckle.

Tissue/ Top Colds and sneezes aren't fun but if there is one thing that can be said about babies- we always make the best of everything (and never overreact when we are told 'no'). If you have a runny nose or have done an almighty sneeze try to wipe the yucky onto your big persons clothes before they get you with a tissue. With a little determination and a few gymnastic skills it is usually possible.

Hide the Toy This only works if you have toys that are a set (stacking bricks etc.) or that have multiple parts. When it gets close to your bedtime hide a few parts or a few from the set and leave the remaining parts in the middle of the room. As you lie in bed listen carefully while your Mummy or Daddy tidies away your toys, finds the parts you left and uses naughty grown up words wondering around the house trying to find the hidden bits. My stacking blocks are numbered and I love nothing more than falling asleep to 'Gordon Bennett- Where did he put number 5?!'.

I hope that this helps my fellow bubbas. Remember above everything- this is one big exciting world so never miss an opportunity to explore! There are new discoveries to be made every day, stairs to climb and laundry baskets to conquer. The world is your playground. Have fun and a few giggles.

Thank you for reading.

A Smiling Baby 20.12.2008 Kenny Louie from Vancouver, Canada
A Smiling Baby 20.12.2008 Kenny Louie from Vancouver, Canada | Source

Baby Poll

Tell me fellow little people; what is your most exciting discovery yet?

See results
"First rice" by tigerpuppala_2 - Flickr. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:First_rice.jpg#mediaviewer/File:First_rice.jpg
"First rice" by tigerpuppala_2 - Flickr. Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:First_rice.jpg#mediaviewer/File:First_rice.jpg | Source

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Hannah David Cini profile image
      Author

      Hannah David Cini 3 years ago from Nottingham

      Thank you so much for your kind feedback. I can imagine with the little parts, especially lego; my partner is planning on having an abundance of it (for baby of course). At least I will have someone big to blame for bits lying around. I am definitely conscious of little echoes, he listens far too carefully when I talk grumpy and can imagine as soon as he starts talking it will be a replay of all the telling offs that we have given to him or each other.

    • Medusa13 profile image

      Chelsea Rowe 3 years ago from Henrietta, New York

      Great voice and a very engaging and creative piece. Just wait for the toy pieces to get smaller! The little one seems to hide them in obscure places, but yet still in your walking path. Ouch! The expletives have to eventually become masked so little echos don't ensue.

    • Hannah David Cini profile image
      Author

      Hannah David Cini 3 years ago from Nottingham

      Thank you so much for your kind words and share Mekenzie, waking up to such encouraging feedback really made my day.

      I love your FB page, there is some really cool stuff on there .

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 3 years ago from Michigan

      Dear Hannah, What an endearing writing style you possess. I love how you communicated a baby's thoughts with such humor and wit. I giggled throughout and pictured the baby's scheming little mind at work.

      Great work here - I will share this precious prose on my FB page called Mekenzie's World - come and check it out. Voted up!

      Blessings to you little Momma!

      Mekenzie

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)