- Family and Parenting
The 10 Types of Parents-TRADITIONAL PARENTS, Part 3/5
What TYPE of Parent Are YOU
In Part 1/5 of this hub, I discussed the ultramodern parent who believed in the intrinsic value and individuality of their child. They do not believe in the traditional parent-child role, they believe that their children are their own persons. They want their children to be the individuals they were meant to be. In Part 2/5 of this hub, I discussed the moderate parent who play a more dominant parenting role in their children's lives. Even though they believe in a more traditional parenting role, they are still friendly towards their children. In Part 3/5 of this hub, I shall describe the traditional parent.
III. TRADITIONAL PARENTS
(5) The Establishmentarian/Traditional Parent- Establishmentarian/traditional parents believe that it is the PARENTS who are in charge. They are unapologetic about that fact. They are clearly not hesitant in letting their children know this. They staunchly believe that children must know where they stand in the family scenario.
Establishmentarian/Traditional parents contend that there must be strict parameters regarding parenthood. They are of the school that children must be taught what is expected of them regarding familial and societal paradigms. They strongly affirm that it is their duty of parents to teach them the rights and the wrongs. They believe that parents must take a stronger and more active role in their children's lives. They assert that when strong parental parameters are established, children will feel more secure.
Establishmentarian/Traditional parents vehemently maintain that the proper family is when the parents are in the dominant role. They contend that after all, children are inexperienced and unknowing regarding life situations, adding since the latter is not knowledgeable, they must motivate their children in order to make them into acceptable adults. They are not unabashedly afraid to set what other parents consider to be strict rules in the household. They maintain that the household should be harmonious and that means that there must be rules and regulations. They contend that how would children learn to be law abiding citizens if rules are not enforced and this includes house rules.
Establishmentarian/Traditional parents are unabashedly not ashamed in one iota to assert who is the leader in THEIR house. To reiterate, these parents ARE PARENTS and they do not care if others know and do not like them for their staunch pro-parenting stance. They are of the school that it is THEIR house and their children are just tenants until they grow up and establish their own living arrangements. Clearly, there is little democracy in the house of Establishmentarian/Traditional parents. They strongly portend that since they are paying the rent and expenses, they are in charge, no questions asked.
Establishmentarian/Traditional parents apply this quasidictatorial policy to their children. They are the parents who stress obedience. In fact, they believe that obedience is one of the hallmarks of a well-adjusted and well-trained child. While they maintain that children must have autonomy in their lives-it is with limits, severe limits. However, there is a digression here. These parents maintain that children do not run the home. According to them, children are there to listen to their directives. After all, they are the parents and know about life, their children do not.
Establishmentarian/Traditional parents assert that obedience is a good word. They strongly assert that if children were more obedient to parental authority, there would be less societal problems. Remember the mandate that a child should stay in a child's place? Well, these parents still believe it. They also believe that besides obedience, children must realize that authority figures have their best interests at hear. In other words, they affirm that authority is authority because they have the power and expertise to be such.
Establishmentarian/Traditional parents definitely believe in the old paradigms of parenthood. They believe that this type of paradigm is best for their family overall. These are the type of parents who believe that their children are blank slates to be molded to their expectations. Yes indeed. They believe that children cannot and do not know. They contend that the newer parental paradigm where the child is an individual with needs and desires of his/her own and a right to his/her determination as utter buffoonery. They assert that children are naïve about life and they do not have a highly developed cognizance of themselves and that is why parents have to strongly inculcate regarding standard principles.
Establishmentarian/Traditional parents do not believe in being friends with their children. They figure that their children have enough friends without adding them to the mix. They know that their parenting style may cause dissension with their children. However, they could not care less. They realize that parenting has both positive and negative aspects. If their children do not like them because they took a position, so be it and the decision stands. Their goal as parents is to be the best possible parents and to raise a well-functioning child who will eventually become a contributing and useful adult.
Establishmentarian/Traditional parents maintain that conformity is essential for the efficient running of society. They assert that if people were allowed to do what they want, society would be highly chaotic. While they support their children's individuality and right to expression-it is within SEVERE LIMITS. They are fond of saying that one really cannot do what he/she wants, there are bylaws and standards to consider. They further maintain that conformity makes life so much easier. Another afterthought to this is there are acceptable and unacceptable behaviors as societally preordained. They inculcate their children with the premise of always being acceptable. They feel that people who conform are more acceptable, welcomed, and rewarded than those who elect not to conform and to go their own individual way. They see no practicality or sense in being a nonconformist when it is much more commonsensical to just fit in and not rock the boat.
Establishmentarian/Traditional parents are strong adherents of tradition. They maintain that things have existed for a reason-it works. They have more faith in the tried and true than the new. They are of the school that the old ways are oftentimes the best way. Oftentimes the way they raise their children is the methodology of their parents and/or grandparents. They believe that what is good enough for their grandparents and/or parents is okay with them. They are not about to try the new for the sake of being up-to-date. In fact, they could care less about being so-called up-to-date, they will do what works- and the older the methodology and procedure, the more likely it is usable.
Establishmentarian/Traditional parents apply this parenting philosophy to their children. They are not afraid to discipline their children. They sometimes use disciplinary methods which some people call harsh. These parents are strong proponents of using tougher forms of love on their children when necessary. They are not fond of the newer parenting methodologies which they feel are too soft thus ineffective. They believe that sometimes tough is better in the long run. They are also not loathe to using spanking to discipline their children. They are of the school, spare the rod, spoil the child and be any means necessary.
Establishmentarian/Traditional parents see parenting as a very, very serious business and undertaking. They believe as parents, they are responsible for teaching a new life and instructing him/her in the way he/she should go. They maintain that parenthood is not for the weak and timorous. They assert that being good parents sometimes mean that their children will dislike them; however, effective parenting should never be based upon a child's approval but by the results achieved.
Children raised in such environment know exactly where they stand with their parents. They have a system of dos and don'ts. They know what they should and/or should not do. Even though they have some freedoms and autonomy in their lives, it is within limits. If they go beyond those limits, they usually face parental disapproval. Even though they are in a secure environment, this environment can be somewhat oppressive and stifling. Some children rebel against parental strictures, especially the more assertive, nonconformist, and the individualists among them. Children in this environment also know that they were never be equal to their parents for their parents oftentimes see them as children even as adolescents and adults.
(6) The Retrogressive/Ultraconservative Parent- Retrogressive/ultraconservative parents maintain that parents are the more important members in the families. In their estimation, the children exist to obey and absorb parental inculcations. These are the parents who staunchly believe that children are not individuals but belong to them. They truly affirm that they OWN their children. They more than believe that children are "the lesser" in the family structure.
Retrogressive/ultraconservative parents maintain that they have parental hegemony in their house. They believe in the hierarchical family structure with the husband/father being the head, the wive/mother as the assistant, and the children at the bottom. They contend that children should be children and that means that they should be as unobtrusive as possible. After all, they maintain the children are not adults so they must listen to what the former says. They assert that they as parents know and there is an preordained reasoning to that.
Retrogressive/ultraconservative parents are also staunch proponents in the concept of obedience, especially obedience to authority. According to them, there is a hierarchical order in this world for a reason. In their estimation, those who are in visible positions are in those positions because of inherent intelligence and other characteristics/qualifications while those who are not because they simply did not possess the intelligence, characteristics, and/or other related components. They are of the school that those in authority know more and this is translated to their respective parenting philosophy. They believe that as parents, they know more than their children so the latter should listen to their wisdom as they know best.
Retrogressive/ultraconservative parents are extremely authoritative parents to say the least. They are not afraid to use their parental authority in relation to their children. They see nothing wrong with parents exerting strength and might to raise their children. They are of the philosophy that might is equal to right. They affirm that children expect and respect such parental assertion. They are proponents that the best parents rule by strength. They must establish their authority in the household; if not, their children will virtually run the roost.
Retrogressive/ultraconservative parents took old-fashioned parenting principles to another level. In such homes, there is very little democracy. The parents have the most and ultimate say in the household and that is the way they like it. To these parents, the perfect child is acquiescent and obedient. In other words, children have to be good. Good means to speak when spoken to and to agree with the parents as much as possible. Children who are more assertive and nonconformist are often considered to be hardheaded or otherwise recalcitrant by such parents. Retrogressive/ultraconservative parents want children who deemed not threatening to their familial order.
Retrogressive/ultraconservative parents want children who they can easily control. They favor children who are more unobtrusive over those who are more assertive. One of the main emphasis of their parenting style is control and power. They believe that as parents, they have power over the household and their children. Yes, THEIR children. They do not believe in the concept that their children are individuals with their own concepts, ideas, and goals. In their opinion, any children they have are theirs to be inculcated and molded to their respective expectations. In other words, their children are to OBEY, no ifs, ands, and/nor buts. They believe as parents, what THEY say, goes and they should not have to explain to their children why something has to be done. Such an idea to these parents is a total anathema.
Retrogressive/ultraconservative parents are not afraid to use power to get their children to do what the former wants them to do. They believe that as parents, they have the right to use any and/or every arsenal possible to have their children comply. They see nothing at all wrong in the use of power if it means being a better parent. Another afterthought of power is control. These parents believe in controlling their children. In their eyes, that is part of being a parent. According to them, If a parent is unable to establish control in his/her household, he/she should not be a parent at all. To them, using control is an essential component to running a smooth and harmonious household. In connects to their philosophy that as parents, they are the boss while the children are the subordinates in question.
Retrogressive/ultraconservative parents believe in being parents first and foremost. To them, parenting means oftentimes establishing rules and making unpopular decisions in the eyes of their children. In their opinion, so be it. They maintain that they are definitely not their children's friends. They are parents and that means they are the enforcers of what need to and should be done. They are the adults in the relationship and that means being the responsible one. Things must be done for the good of the child and the family unit and sometimes what needs to be done is not pretty in their opinion but must be done nevertheless. They assert that even though their children may contest their policies now, they will realize later in life that it was done to the latter's benefit.
Retrogressive/ultraconservative parents are not afraid to lay down the parental law. They furthermore are not hesitant to use tough love methodologies in order for their children to be fully functioning people. This tough love methodology can include spanking. They see nothing wrong in using such discipline if makes their children well-behaved. The use of tough and more punitive discipline is often commonplace in this household. To them, a good parent is a tough parent.
Retrogressive/ultraconservative parents are more disciplinarians than parents. They believe that as parents, they have the hegemony in the household. The parent-child relationship exists for a reason in that the parent as the more dominant family member is to teach and prepare the child to be a well-functioning and contributing member to society. They maintain that parents and children must know their respective role in the family hierarchy and act accordingly. They are of the school that children, as children, should assume the subordinate role in the family and listen to and obey their parents.
Children raise in such environments oftentimes feel as if they do not count. They have little voice in the family as most decisions are made for them, often without their consent. They have very little or no autonomy and/or independence in their lives. They feel that they must do as their parents wish. They are taught to value their parents' opinions over their own. They are seldom taught the importance of being decision makers and independent thinkers as this was considered to be disobedience by their parents. They are more outer than inner directed. Some children in this environment rebel against parental strictures to prove that they are their own persons. Others are compliant to their parents in their face but act out as soon as their parents are not there or when they are away from the home environment.
© 2013 Grace Marguerite Williams