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The Boy Teacher and The Man Student; Cancer and Other Issues

Updated on December 3, 2019
Ericdierker profile image

A life long pursuit and the results. Doctorates and experience sometimes do not mean much. Just listening is my expertise.

What to Do?

When they see more than you it is tough. And yet good.
When they see more than you it is tough. And yet good. | Source

We Do Not Do "Well" Here. Well is a Default Position

Cancer is not normal. Cancer is not formal. It does not dress up right. Cancer can be all kinds. Cancer is something that can heal other issues. With cancer people come out and love. The boy is looking concerned as he is reaching an understanding of disease. Our home does not “do” cancer. So maybe the ignoring may cause other emotional issues. Solutions about cancer can and does cause more emotional issues than physical in my opinion.

B: What is it like having cancer, I mean you seem normal.

F: Funny that question boy. You know I am not normal.

B: Dad you know what I mean, you seem normal for you.

F: Maybe I should show that stuff more. I do not want you to think you should hide issues.

B: Dad I know about it but you do not show it.

F: Dierkers do not suffer. We take it on the chin and keep fighting, that is who we are, sorry.

B: Dad you are so strange. You go to doctor’s appointments a lot.

F: That is just BS so they can make money treating me. Did I kick your butt in Volleyball?

B: hihihi I love it when you say “butt”. You sound funny.

F: What? I emphasize the “B” or the “U” too much?

B: Nope, the “tt” too much and it sounds like titty.

F: Son you have issues.

B: No dad, you have issues like cancer.

F: No son, it is not allowed to have issues, we have solutions. But we have to talk issues out.

B: That makes no sense.

F: Good on you boy, that makes no sense. Maybe this way, we have issues so we talk them out so they are not issues. I know that makes little sense but trust me on this one.

B: You give me a headache, talk sense. Or can you?

F: Nope, I just me.

B: Dad is mom right? You just live in the clouds?

F: Well son that is not for you to ponder. It is illegal to live in the clouds until you learn and preach and teach after a fancy pantsy education and years of work inside the clouds. Then you can live up there.

B: I think I get that. Is that why mom stresses out so much? She is right here down with me?

F: Does she play soccer with you? Perhaps I am more down to earth.

Amore

Senore'

Love
Love | Source

Is It Right?

So we move onto Legos and build a jet and some kind of town. It is a hassle. “Dad, watch TV and leave me alone.” This is right. I should not be the boss. So the TV goes on and I check email and do some work outside. Then insist he does some with me. Of course I have been surreptitiously watching him the whole time. Absolutely nothing better than watching a boy build stuff. OK maybe watching a daughter make a collage could rate up there.

Dang I wish I knew what I was doing as a father.

B: Dad our terrarium is strange. The hissing cockroaches are turning white.

F: Watch they will shed that.

B: They are molting?

F: Dang fine understanding son.

B: I read and Rico said that we lose like a million cells a day.

F: That is cool, you have that understanding, how about a billion?

B: No way, that is cray cray.

F: Really?

B: But maybe I get it. That is amazing. But it kind of makes some sense. But that means we are actually different every day. Wow and every week and completely dude every month and like our birthdays, wow.

F: I never thought of it that way. I wonder how we can remember stuff.

B: OK, another headache. Check out this rubber band gun Addy gave me for Thanksgiving.

F: Let me put on glasses so you do not hit my eyes. The one thing that might not heal.

B: Cool, now I can shoot you in the head. Thanks for getting me the bag of rubber bands. Will mom get mad about them on the floor?

F: Deal with it.

B: You mean, clean them up. Oh, then I have more to shoot at you.

F: Hey buddy, do what is right. Do not do it to please another. They will be pleased that you did what is right. And if they do not wipe their dirt from your sandals and move along.

B: Dad you always talk about the Bible.

F: How did you know that was Bible talk?

B: I don’t know. I just know. And I know there is another. Something about not being telling other people what to do, but just do it.

F: I do not mean to teach you scripture yet. You need to decide for yourself.

B: Dad I just learn it. I don’t know if it is right like you say. I mean you do not say if it is right.

A River Runs Through It

Just the way floods are.
Just the way floods are. | Source

Freedom to Not Be Free

Ain't We All Got Trouble

So we move along and things get a little tougher. So I give my elder boy a call. He answers up San Francisco way. He is dealing with all his business stuff and his great gal from Columbia. But he takes the time. He is the best. He must have gotten it from his mom. A great lady who impresses me still. So the call is hard.

F: What should I do about Hang and her driving? Two wrecks in two days and I gave the keys yesterday and rode with her yesterday and it was scary.

B: Dad you had me ride with her. I thought it was just splitting up people. You tricked me. She is scary on the road. And she should not be driving my little brother. You put me in there to see.

F: Well OK I am busted. It was a manipulation on my part and then again with your sister home. I am a SOB bastard. I risked your well-being for your opinion. Life sucks and then you die, hihihihi.

B: OK you jackass, you need to deal softly you cannot be harsh. Boundaries are good but yelling solves no problems.

F: I hate you.

B: Yeah that is why you called me.

F: Can you see me snarling over the phone.

B: Dad let us get this straight. You are screwed. She is your angel. But!!! You would not even be alive without her walking you through.
F: F--- She is also throwing things out that are perfectly fine and putting things in places we cannot find them. I am so worried and do not know how to act.

B: You taught us to act in love and things happen right.

F: You are not helping at all son. Tell me what to do. Not your ethereal crap I live in. I need some practical advice. I am not doing this right. Praying is not working.

B: Praying is not for advice. It is for peace in acceptance.

F: I was stupid to send you off to UC for degrees in art and philosophy. You are a pain in my arse. So I do not need to read between the lines? Get her a little advice from outside of me as that is not confrontational. One more time, sh—

B: Stand up and deal with it dad. She has worked hard to take care of you, now stand up and take care of her.

F: You are a pr---

B: I know, but you know or you would not have called me.

F: I love you buddy and you make great points. Can I call you tomorrow?

B: Nope, I am tired of your issues. LoL. And I love you.

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    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Ann I thank you much. My boy and I start off each day now saying "this is going to be the best day ever". It kind of reminds us that even bad stuff we can learn from and keeps it positive.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      4 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lori I am sorry I missed this. those are great sentiments. Maybe today is when I needed to read it - God's plans and not mine. Thank you.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      4 months ago from SW England

      I love these conversations of yours. The serious mixed with the funny. But then I suppose most off-the-cuff conversations are like that.

      I wish you well, you and your lovely family. That son of yours has the best teacher ever!

      Ann

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      6 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      Southwest Radio Ministries begins every broadcast with these words:

      God is still on the throne and prayer changes things.

      May the King of Glory who sits on the throne and hears all the prayers and petititons for you and your family bring you peace and healing and all that you need for life and godliness.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Tim we are going through what some might call "issues". We are doing more group hugs. How great is that? Can you believe that today I am "tasked" with getting my son from fourth grade. How fun will the walk home be?

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Liz it is my intention to let others know about issues in family matters. I really appreciate your comment.

    • Tim Truzy info4u profile image

      Tim Truzy 

      6 months ago from U.S.A.

      Tough love, and a gentle heart with a heavy dose of compassion-that's the medicine you give to us and we send to you, dear brother. Your real life stories remind us to stand tall in every crisis. Blessings. Prayers are for miracles, too. He didn't stop making them; we just have to look for them. Peace be with you.

    • Eurofile profile image

      Liz Westwood 

      6 months ago from UK

      Thanks for inviting us in to your family conversations.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Linda you are such a great friend. How funny is this. We are having a day off from too much rain. Heck I used to drive in sleet, snow and Ice. But how fun. I think I will walk Gabe home today. Let us see just how wet we can get by golly a hot bath will cure any problem.

      Planks do need to be renamed the torture rack.

    • Carb Diva profile image

      Linda Lum 

      6 months ago from Washington State, USA

      Eric, I don't know if you will always kick Gabe's butt playing volleyball, but I know for certain that cancer picked the wrong guy to mess with.

      (Planks? Oh my gosh, those are torture!)

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill my son demands I do planks and I do not like it. So life is rosy but with some thorns. lol

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Flourish, today is a great day. I can hardly wait to pick the boy up from school. A wonderful man as a buddy since college roommates in 1976 stood up and got a hold. He has a project for me. Do not look for suffer to come, I have those roses to trim as they suggest November as the time. Maybe I need to trim me.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      6 months ago from Olympia, WA

      You live in a paradise of your own making,and ain't that cool?

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      6 months ago from USA

      They say our bodies are constantly cancering. I wish you the best in your journey as you live with cancer. Children whose parents are chronically ill have a lot of internal struggles but your son seems to be coping well.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you Manatita. My shovel for the garden is about fifteen years old. The handle is warping pretty bad --- time for a new one? I decided nope. I love that shovel so I will just adjust my grip. And I will oil her up today. And sharpen her.

      I reckon that is a metaphor of some sort. (already in another hub)

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Devika, I hope what I wrote got that across. My Dr. said "Eric you are so stubborn I am afraid you just might hurt the cancer". How funny is that.

      I think lunch with him next week to go over a new lease and insurance.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      6 months ago from london

      A lot of love and comfort. Who needs anything else?. Love is all that matters ... truly doing what gives us Joy. Peace Bro.

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      6 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Eric cancer is beatable! There is no doubt that you would get well and share more of your stories with us.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Chitrangada very strange but we are more concerned with my wife at the moment. Not her physical. I demand that we overcome this. I am one strong willed son of a gun. My son asked me today how I knew a friend of his was hurt. These things flow through the heart and not through the mouth. He still looked at me strange, such is good until we learn the heart.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Jason give your brother my email. Not many of us survive stage 4 with pancreatic involvement. We did it and he is my brother they were nice and gave me 3 months and a 3% chance. Love gave me a 100% chance. Us survivors need to help others who may have lost some hope. This new round is a baby. It better not even mess with me ;-)

      At the clinic on Thursday --- not for me but for others.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Pamela the rain comes again. Fantastic here. Our weather may get stormy but our love will always overcome.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 

      6 months ago from New Delhi, India

      I wish and pray for your quick recovery from cancer. I really feel concerned about you.

      I believe that even if one person is not well in the family, the whole family suffers emotionally. But that family support is so important to recover fast.

      I am touched by the conversation with your both sons.

      Thanks for sharing this wonderful hub.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Pamela I called life time friends and got advice. I do not like their advice but you trust and you work it in. We walk in faith, take some action and then back the hell off. We made it through another day and rejoiced.

    • Nicoartz profile image

      Jason Nicolosi 

      6 months ago from AZ

      Cancer affects so many people world wide. It's devastating when we are told "You have cancer." Three of my immediate family members got cancer.

      My dad got lung cancer from smoking cigarettes. Doctors removed one of his lungs, but he best it. He has been cancer-free for 20 years now.

      My mom recently was diagnosed with stage 2 urinary cancer. She had surgery and is doing great now.

      My brother developed stage 4 pancreatic cancer and he whooped it. Mayo clinic told my brother he had 6mo to live at best. That there was nothing they could do. We did not accept that. We took him to The Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore, Maryland and they saved his life. He's been cancer-free for 5 years now. He looks amazing too. You would never know he was on deaths doorstep. So it totally possible to beat cancer. It's is very important to keep a positive attitude and stay optimistic that it can be defeated.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      6 months ago from Queensland Australia

      I got to agree with the other comments, Eric. 90% of beating cancer is in the attitude and believe me you have a winning attitude. I hope Gabe’s whiplash isn.t too bad, and it’s great that you can call your older son for advice too. I do that occasionally too.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      6 months ago from Sunny Florida

      Another in a series of father son talks that is fun to read. It is nice you can call your older son for some advice. Love and all things will work out in the end, even when we have no idea how that will happen. I guess you walk in faith. You will beat cancer, Eric. Live just one day at a time to not get overwhelmed is my philosophy.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      6 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Ruby I just finished some stretching. I will pick up Gabe and he is cleared by the Doc. Sports could get real hard today. Basketball after school today. Bring it on!

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      6 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Life is meant to be lived and by golly you do a great job. Cancer is beatable and by golly you're gonna do it. Do you know why I said that? Because I believe it. hihihi

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