The Boy Teacher and the Father Student 32; Discoveries of All Sorts

This discussion is pretty accurate to truth. The words talked about are for sure the real ones. I was having one of those macho dad instructor moments I thought. There is one lesson I got here. Do not teach 8 year olds 3+ syllable words. They come back to bite you in your tush. (more later on tush) I started out strong as the teacher, by the time were we were done I was a whimpering “D” grade student. If we do not do humble by ourselves God and life will teach us.

F: Hey buddy check this out on invertebrates, remember now, Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family and Genus. And remember I do Species and Subspecies.

B: Easy Dad.

F: Fine tell me about a Seahorse.

B: They are an invertebrate, animal and like a Kangaroo.

F: What in the heck are you talking about? Invertebrate I get but “Kangaroo”?

B: The daddy has the babies in a pouch. Marsipals.

F: I got you. Are they mammals? And it is Marsupials.

B: Nope, mammals have hair. But that pouch thing is the same.

F: You know it is not the same and you are jerking my chain. Seahorse babies are born in the dad’s “pouch”.

B: Why doesn’t mommy care about this stuff? I mean should I care?

F: Dude, that is up to you. I really like this stuff and reading with you about it. You act all like you like it too.

B: I like playing ball and games with you better. You told me that that makes me smarter. Like math with mom.

F: What does “better” mean?

B: Better means more. We should say that more than better.

F: But you would not say that when you hurt more you are better. Would you?

B: Dad, you think too much.

F: Fair truth boy.

B: Is your brain really a muscle? Like our exercises morning and night, does thinking make you stronger? And why doesn’t our brain grow out of our head? It makes no sense at all. I get smarter not stronger. But my muscles get bigger.

F: OK, I like those questions. Answer them your own danged self.

B: I get love and I get exercise but I do not get the brain. Is brain really our mind?

F: Can you imagine that the smartest people in the whole world have been asking questions like that like 4,000 years before Jesus. Like our favorite colors, my brain thinks differently every day. That is queer don’t you think.

B: Daddy “queer” is in the “no fly zone” you cannot say it.

F: I do not like that. Queer and weird make sense. Different. Which means diversity. And it is illegal now to use the N word and the R word. Yikes! I cannot even read Samuel Clemons any more.

B: Who is Samuel Clemons?

F: Mark Twain.

B: Who is Mark Twain?

F: A pseudonym for Samuel Clemons.

B: What is a pseudonym?

F: A fake name for an author. Do not ask why.

B: OK why can’t you read him anymore?

F: Don’t worry unless I go get you his books you will never read him. Get this; if you offend someone or especially a group in your writing they will ban you and your books.

B: what is ban again?

F: Being kicked out forever.

B: Oh, like that friend Jon that you banned from our house because he swore dirty in front of mom and I.

F: Touche’ I guess I am a hypocrite.

B: You taught me touche’ when we stick sword fight – it is funny cuz it sounds like tushy. But hey you taught me hypocrite about Christians who say one thing and do another. You are like them?

F: Got me again son. But you can forget all this because next week hypocrite will be called the “H”- word and be banned. I better call up Jon and apologize and I bet he will do his best to stop cussing.

B: Ha Ha Ha. You forgot to forgive him. Are you a hypocrite again?

F: Yes and let us talk about something else.

B: Again? You said never be afraid of talking about something.

F: That does not mean being irritated by a small boy.

B: Can’t shake it, can’t make it, can’t take it, bet you break it.

F: You are so weird.

F: Make you a deal. You go write for ten minutes then you can play interactive tablet stuff for ten minutes.

B: Does it have to be interactive? Can’t I just watch something?

F: No. Once more. Interactive teaches you some skills that will be helpful with computers. Staring at a screen will fill your head with mush.

B: That sounds like an idiom because it is your mind and brain that gets filled with mush remember? We were talking about muscles in the head.

F: Geesh you are on fire this morning. You are pulling fancy words right out of the sky.

B: Idiom sounds like idiot and you just did another one. Hihihi.

F: Hey I just gave you a deal. Now go off and let me rest my head.

B: You mean brain.

F: Stop!!

Who said life would be easy? Well as I investigated that, no one did except fools who left out, “if you are at peace” as a preface. Which has a totally different meaning. After the morning mental brutality I stuck with just being the student in the second row, only raising my hand when I was 100% sure of my answer being “the” answer. Again I could not hide from this kid on fire, even shrinking tiny in my chair trying to somehow use my camouflage defense like the tasty Swallow Tale butterfly that looks like the Monarch which is very poisonous to eat.

B: Dad let’s play the Yoga game.

(phewy I thought to myself – just a silly game what could go wrong? But I play it “hard to get”.)

F: Right, you mean that game where I do poses and your 74.3 lbs jumps and crawls on me breaking my back?

B: Ya that one, come on you lazy old dog. Dang is that another idiom?

F: Wouldn’t you rather go outside and name bugs?

B: No. Or I get to do electronics – my choice.

F: Let’s start with downward dog to get warmed up.

B: Did you know we do warmups every morning at school with music?

F: No I did not. See I really should sign up to be a teacher’s helper in your class so I know what is going on.

B: No way Dad, that would really be embarrassing. I am sorry to hurt your feelings but you are so old they think you are my grandpa.

F: Don’t feel bad about that son. But it does kind of hurt my feelings.

B: Cheer up dad, their dads don’t know our Yoga. Now get down you downward dog!

F: Ouch, man that hurts, get off I think I pulled a muscle.

B: Are you OK dad? I’m sorry. Does it hurt bad?

F: Prank!! I got you good.

B: Up Ward Cat pose. You can do just elbow if you are too weak.

F: Let us see who is weak when I do “bucking Bronc”.

B: That’s not a pose. You are cheating.

F: It is an adaption of the configuration developed during the Khan dynasty of Mongolia, by a radical fringe sect of the Tibetan mute consortium.

B: I know you are faking because of all the big words in one sentence. What do you say, I heard you on the phone? “if you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle the with bull”.

F: Yikes!