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The Boy Teacher and the Father Student 45; “How to Be a Housewife”

Updated on December 14, 2018
Ericdierker profile image

Holding degrees in philosophy and Law. Formal studies or certificates or degrees in business, theology, insurance and security. Ex-preacher.

Who Is The Kid?

I have no idea how it works -- I am growing younger.
I have no idea how it works -- I am growing younger. | Source

Where Do We Go From Here?

I am trying but tonight I squeezed by, Mom came home late so dishes were done and the second vacuuming was done after the boy in bed. We got out a tree and adorned it. We had a blast reading Mother Goose for an hour. Our meal had all the ingredients of a proper diet with all that stuff. I did gardening today and went and got fresh fruit and an item or two my lady wanted.

I did work from home that my boss liked. I straightened and washed the bedclothes for my son. I swept out front. And then I worked on papers again. I am just a housewife.

Funny I use the word “just” a housewife. “Just” is just wrong. We had a brutal one last night with some tough raised voices and some crying.

F: That is not right at all you cannot read the clock.

B: I am trying dad.

F: B.S. at your age you should be able to build a clock.

B: No, really dad.

F: Fine until you can read the clock you cannot look at anything that has screen.

B: Does that mean I cannot go outside past the screens on the porch?

F: Being a smart ass is not scoring any points. You intentionally avoid reading a clock so you do not do what you are supposed to do on time!!!!

B: (starting to cry) No.

F: Don’t give me that crap and what the heck is the crying deal anyway? Does it work for mom so you get your way?

B: No.

F: So why are you crying? It makes no sense.

B: Because you are yelling at me.

F: Do you cry when you mom yells at me?

B: No but she is Vietnamese and they yell all the time.

F: Fair enough but you are not off the hook about the clock or crying.

F: Let’s go check it out about children dying of hunger that do not cry.

B: (more weeping) No, I will stop.

F: We have been down this road. You can feel whatever you want to feel but it is dead wrong to act like a victim to affect others. I think right now you are sobbing because you do not want me to get mad at you about the clock.

B: I can read the digital clock on my IPad.

F: That is so heavy I cannot wrap my head around it. Let’s go toss the football around. Who wears a watch? Never mind.

Let Us Keep On Trying, Please Do Not Walk Away

I Love That Belly

In parts of Asia a fat belly and gray hair is revered.
In parts of Asia a fat belly and gray hair is revered. | Source

I Don't Know

So the housewife is trying to be tough and establishes some authority nonsense over the boy. What a load of crock that is. Who controls what with an almost 9 year old and an older dad? I can only control me. I have to play the tough guy to show how to act like a man. Which brings us to “housewife”.

Mom rose to a rank of chairman of the board of a very prestigious and important hospital. She let me advise on kind of important legal liability issues. By then I had sued at least a dozen doctors and hospitals for malpractice. I kind of knew my stuff. But we were in Scottsdale Arizona for a state hospital kind of deal that had the rotation of my mom being chairman of that whole deal. Believe me it is heavy stuff deciding who gets treated for what illness.

So some transplant from New York City called mom “Madam Chairwoman” and mom came down on him like a load of bricks. “I am neither a ‘madam’ or a ‘Chairwoman’ I am simply the Chairman.” So it is fully fitting that I am a “housewife”.

F: Hey kid that tree is awesome you knocked it dead.

B: Will you put the lights on it tomorrow?

F: I am thinking maybe not. The way you placed the ornaments and with the bright star on top I am kind of digging it dude.

B: But that is weird not having lights.

F: Alright buddy we are weird enough I guess but let’s give two days and then decide. Remember I pick you up early because old fat guys need someone to watch if the fall off the ladder putting up the lights outside.

B: Dad did you know that you programed you phone where all you have to do is touch 9 and it calls 911?

F: No I did not. With these fat fingers and without reading glasses that might be a problem.

B: OK but it could save your life. I think my big brother Brooks put it in there.

F: Hmmm us old farts don’t like 31 year old youngsters doing that kind of stuff.

B: That is so silly.

F: OK but what if I fell and hit my head and was unconscious?

Loving The Bulls

I have two sons born under the sign of the Ox.
I have two sons born under the sign of the Ox. | Source

A True Class Act. Just Dance. Don't Tell My Wife But I Love That Lady Singer

Why Do I Get The Loving?

There is a saying that goes like this; “Red sky in morn sailors forlorn, red sky at night sailor’s delight.” But I do believe that is for the Atlantic ocean. If I were a gazillionaire I wound have a two seater fighter jet. I would have it take off from Carolinas as we watched the sun rise and set and get to fly to Japan to watch rise and then back to So. Cal. To see it set. I am not sure if that could work with fuel and if Mach 13 is possible. Cool idea though, don’t you think?

B: Dad will I get hair in my ears like you?

F: Yes you will but you will be so rich you will have doctor fix it.

B: I brush my teeth 3 times a day, will mine look ugly like yours.

F: No, yours will stay just right.

B: Will I get man boobs like yours.

F: No, probably not because we teach you good health habits now so you do not get fat later. Fat is bad.

B: You know what dad?

F: What?

B: I think I like you the way you are. Did you really lose as many pounds as I weigh?

F: Within 10 or so yes.

B: I think it is OK to be a little fat because then you can eat candy.

F: Son that is putting the cart before the horse.

B: But you showed me a picture where the horse pushed the cart.

F: Knock it off you know what I mean. But you may be right it isn’t the right thought.

B: Mom says getting all dirty is bad. And you say getting all dirty is good. And you say playing in the rain is good and mom says it is bad.

F: Let me fill you in on that boy it is not so weird. Your mom grew up in a place with dirt floors and outside kitchens. When it rained hard many could not get out of the rain. We treasure rain and dirt because we have just a little of both.

B: I get it. Stuff is like candy. Too much is bad for you but just a bit makes you happy.

F: You get it better than I do.

And so we agree. But it is strange for the housewife to be the one who loves dirty. I will never get that part right. But today I am cleaning windows and mopping floors. I think I need to do some dusting and wood polishing. In between I will assist an attorney in his suing the Border Patrol now called Customs and Border Protection. (Really? folks?) I should sue them just for that stupid name.

Our “Border Protection” protection is a loving housewife.

Love The Song But Not The Folks

Comments

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    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Isn't that a fun notion Bill. I think we may be to late now. That globalization ruins everything ;-) Thank you for leaving a note. I will be off to maintain my poundage now.

    • lifegate profile image

      William Kovacic 

      8 months ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

      Eric, you have me thinking - thinking about moving to Asia. I always knew there was a place for my fat belly and gray hair. Thanks for the tip - and so much more.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Brian it is great to hear from you. I got one where the DEA and CBP entrapped a 16 year old and then shot him dead. I love a secure border but it has to be secured from our government also. I am scooting your way to say howdy again.

    • B. Leekley profile image

      Brian Leekley 

      8 months ago from Bainbridge Island, Washington, USA

      I'm glad, Eric, that you are assisting in suing the Border Patrol. I assume the suit is to protect democracy and human and civil rights.

      Until I moved recently (Kalamazoo, MI to Bainbridge Island, WA), I was the chairperson or chair of a church committee.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Sean I just read this to my 8 years old buddy. He dang well almost cried. He has a banged up arm from our playing hard. He cannot relate pain to me.So I am learning to be attentive.Life just keeps on getting better.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Manatita I just got a notice of eviction. My buddy dropped it off when he and our beloved dog came to visit. We being lawyer types can print them in heartbeat. I was being evicted for too much fun! We are just living.

    • Sean Dragon profile image

      Ioannis Arvanitis 

      8 months ago from Greece, Almyros

      Give a big hug to your little wise man from me, my brother. And tell him that it is a hug from a strange place called Greece, and from a weird guy who loves you both! Housewife is a title of honor for me!

      Serving is loving!

      Sean

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Bill my man I will write a different sermon thanks to you. I have a floor to mop -- how cool is that!!?

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      8 months ago from london

      You're tough all right. Harsh lessons in learning not to cry.

      I like the woman too and the music is cool. Makes me happy and say a very early Merry Christmas! Ha ha. The kid's tough, Bro.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      8 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I'm a house husband and proud of it. Bev has the "real" job away from home, so I'm Mr. Cleaner and Scrubber around here.....and I'm grateful I'm able to do it all.

      Have a great weekend, buddy!

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Thank you much Jason. That honesty deal is tricky. You cannot do brutal honesty if you do not take the time to work through it. I hear most folk don't have the time. So priorities get skewed.

    • Ericdierker profile imageAUTHOR

      Eric Dierker 

      8 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Lori we had a "quiz" show last night. Water, (ice) dust and meteor type rock make up the rings of Saturn. And the Father, Son and Holy ghost are all in the same deal.

      And the list goes on with his answers. I am in big trouble :-)

    • manunulat profile image

      Jason M Quinapondan 

      8 months ago from Cebu, Philippines

      I think parents should have more conversations like this with their children. Honest and thoughtful. I enjoyed reading this article. Nice Eric!

    • lambservant profile image

      Lori Colbo 

      8 months ago from Pacific Northwest

      Oh my goodness. That last dialogue had me in stitches. I love how honest you and your son are. Nice read.

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