The DNA test.......
After all this time
The long and short of it
Well, thank God (seriously, thank God) that the DNA test I was waiting for, proved to be what my siblings and I have thought all along, he IS my father and they are my siblings! I'm proud to be the owner of four shiny, new siblings and a wonderful step-mother:)
I cannot tell you or begin to explain the feelings I'm having today. I only found out yesterday afternoon. I called the new mother-in-law and all of my siblings. They are all as happy and overjoyed as I am. But I must say, the difference between knowing something in your heart, really feeling it, and seeing proof on paper, are two very different things. All five of us kids thought we were so tough because we already "knew" we were related. Now that the test results are in, everybody was happy but also emotional, as you could expect. But in a good way. They all made me feel so loved and wanted, it's one of the best feelings I've ever had the fortune to receive in my lifetime!
As I said, it's hard to explain the true feelings i'm feeling today. Yesterday after I read the results, I was in a daze and was not quite sure how to deal with anything. My mind was so jumbled I couldn't think anymore. Believe that! For four weeks prior, my ex and I have been dealing with some issues and we've been becoming more at peace every day. We've been spending our days until he gets into drug treatment, trying to stay sober by driving around and enjoying all the beautiful and majestic wildlife that Minnesota has to offer. We've been talking about our marriage, our kids, our lives in general, etc. And neither of us ever have a problem talking, trust me. But as soon as I received this news, even though I expected it, I was in a zone. As you can imagine, there are many thoughts that would be associated with an issue like this. Although I've dealt with the guilt and resenting my mother for not allowing my father to know about me, there are other things that I haven't been able to deal with, not knowing the truth for sure. Now that I know, I'm feeling these odd feelings. Hard to explain I guess, but I'm a little lackadaisacal still at this point. Will I wake up from a good dream and return to my usual nightmare? No, dreams do come true.
I'm so excited and mesmerized by these details and facts that I really don't know what else to say here. I have so much more that I want to write about, but I can't. I have too many other jumbled thoughts going on to make much sense right now, but I'll be here soon to catch up with everyone.
I love you all for your support! Thank you so much!