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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Names (for) Babies

Updated on August 13, 2016
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth has been a member of HubPages for five years. He is retired from a 23-year career in the weekly newspaper business.

"I am not claiming, nor will claim to be an expert on child-raising or even naming the said child with a name that might, if used correctly, give him or her a life of success, power, wealth and popularity. If I were "that" enlightened, I would not be writing this hub. I would be in New York in my offices on the top floor (next to Trump Tower) and raking in millions each week.

"Sadly, all I can do now is dream about such a life. But at least (so far) the I.R.S. cannot tax my dreams. Can they?"

Image from page 54 of Abraham Lincoln and the London Punch  cartoons comments and poems  published in the London charivari during the American Civil War 1861-1865 1909
Image from page 54 of Abraham Lincoln and the London Punch cartoons comments and poems published in the London charivari during the American Civil War 1861-1865 1909 | Source

Nothing is sure

A sad fact about this entire genre of a child's name dictating his/her future is ludicrous to me. You can name your child whatever name you want and as long or short as you want, and even with giving your child the best in private schooling, college, mentors who make a ton of cash for helping college students reach their full potential and still they can turn out to be a bum. And I do not mean "bum" in the sense of panhandling, but living off of you, his/her parents who forked out thousands on their education.

Tell me something. Where is it written that today's college grads are to seek work a small time, give up and move back into the house with mom and pop? Not just for a short stay, but for a lengthy time. If you can provide me with documented, written evidence of this "way of life," that so many of the younger set are following, I will give you $20.00 in cash.

Names of children vary as the size and shape of the waves of the Seven Seas
Names of children vary as the size and shape of the waves of the Seven Seas | Source

"I did some research on my name, Kenny, and it turns out that my name means "handsome one." But you be the judge."

Moving on

I am again going to help you, the people who are expecting their first, second or third child and not really settled on a name for the child, by giving you this piece called . . .

Well before I continue, I want to go on record to share two people, one I would trust to help me with my naming of a child and the other, forget it.

John Fogerty, musician, songwriter, co-founder of Creedence Clearwater Revival. I would trust Fogerty any day with helping me with naming a child. Fogerty is down-to-earth and grounded in reality, thus his name choices would be earthy, but strong. Creative, but honored.

The late Frank Zappa formerly of The Mothers of Invention. Sure, Zappa is "out there," or was "out there," with his views on politics, music and life. But when it came to naming his own children, he named them Dweezil and Moon Unit. Need I continue?
And now, once again, my headline:

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly Names (for) Babies

Page 342 of The Outing in 1885
Page 342 of The Outing in 1885 | Source
Moon Unit, Frank Zappa's daughter
Moon Unit, Frank Zappa's daughter | Source
Dweezil Zappa, Frank Zappa's son
Dweezil Zappa, Frank Zappa's son | Source
Gordon Kenrick Hirst  Crown Studios' New South Wales officers and men of the Australian Imperial Force A.I.F. and the Australian Naval Forces  portrait collection 1919
Gordon Kenrick Hirst Crown Studios' New South Wales officers and men of the Australian Imperial Force A.I.F. and the Australian Naval Forces portrait collection 1919 | Source
A beautiful baby
A beautiful baby | Source

An honest question:

are YOU completely happy with YOUR name?

See results

The next time you get an urge to complain about your name . . .just consider the poor chap who Johnny Cash is singing about in this song

The late Jack Elam
The late Jack Elam | Source

Jack Elam played as "J.D. Smith," a deputy sheriff on an early television western, "The Dakotas." I always wished that I had been named "J.D.," for "J.D." commands instant respect (for male children) not just as a youngster, but throughout his life as a man.


Good Names for Male Children

  • Vince - - strong, a man named Vince may be an adventurer or explorer. Or a professional wrestler: "Vince Victory," which is not entirely a bad thing.
  • Thad - - western-based, humble and trustworthy.
  • Jimmy - - All-American, kid down the street who loves baseball, slingshots and puppies.
  • Newton - - creative, a people person, a leader.
  • Mark - - good hearted, able to serve others, obedient.
  • Larry - - the guy next door, jovial, hard-working, prudent.

Strange Names for Male Children

  • Gabby - - not really a name for male children. Always into trouble either with someone else or with his mouth.
  • Oakman - - this one would easily fit into the "good" names for male children. Honorable, not a gossip, but a listener.
  • Slick - - great as a nick-name, but not as a sir name. Implies shrewd in getting away with minor crimes and hard work.
  • "Big" - - pretty good nick-name for a male child who is big for his age, but not as a sir name. (e.g. "Big" Johnny Lace).
  • Dewey - - American based, a neighborly type of man, provides well for his family.
  • Bear, Tiger, Gator - - are cute male names if you want a nick-name, but as in "Big's" explanation, none of these are for sir names for male children unless you do not care if your male child is the subject of ridicule.

Inappropriate Names for Male Children

  • Dog Tag - - the child is a child, not "G.I. Joe."
  • Sheep Head - - seriously?
  • Moses - - no offense to God, but in 2016, not many parents are giving their male children this name.
  • Snake Skin - - I am not going to elaborate on this one.
  • Hot Skillet - - are you trying to wreck your male child's life on purpose? Now if he were a member of a street gang in the 1940's and was a wizard at playing craps, this name woul be ideal. But I must remind you that this is 2016.

Good Names for Female Children

  • Anne - - a writer's name. Maybe a poet. Very feminine.
  • Jennifer - - playful, smart, fun-loving.
  • Janet - - girl next door, very honorable name.
  • Margaret - - very American. Neighborly, people person.
  • Linda - - sweetheart, beautiful, makes a great business leader. Note: The gorgeous Linda Carter "Wonder Woman," inspired this name.
  • Karen, Karin, Kitty - - all quite memorable, sweet, good neighbor to all.

Strange Names for Female Children

  • Sky - - unique, but not many parents like answering, "where is your daughter?" "Sky?" "no, your daughter." See how much confusion this can create.
  • Autumn Leaf - - if you lived in the 60's, this would be perfect for your little girl, but this is 2016.
  • Sundown, Sunrise - - not really a bad name. I can live with this.
    Teardrop - - please!
  • Kitten - - great as a nick-name, but as her first name, forget this unless you are a family living off the grind in the bush regions of South Africa.
  • Blondie - - only in the comic section of the paper. Not as your girl child's name.

Inappropriate Names for Female Children

  • Hot Coals - - do you really need my explanation on why I strongly advise against this name.
  • Easy L. - - if her name is "Lou, Lucy or Lucinda," and you are trying to give her some street cred.
  • She Cat - - hey, you are not living with Tarzan.
  • Blaze - - nope. She is not a member of any Roller Derby club.
  • Bloom - - okay. I will compromise on this one for it makes me think of flowers.
  • Sparky - - nope. Only for Chevy Chase' character "Clark W. Griswald," in those "Vacation" movies. His wife, "Ellen," called "Clark" this name in college, so there it is. Your explanation for NOT giving your pretty little girl this name.

Note: I want to get a lot of progress results from my followers if they are expecting a child.

And a good night, Gardendale, Alabama.

Little Marys new dress
Little Marys new dress | Source

© 2016 Kenneth Avery


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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      21 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Jennifer Mugrage,

      Hi. Thanks for reading this hub and hey, I do understand that you do not have the time to read every hub I publish. But you will be happy to know that I have slowed down a lot in publishing hubs.

      Now. In all honesty, are you referring to "me" as feeling self-pity? And did I give you that idea?

      If I did, Jennifer, I am so sorry. I apologize sincerely.

      Thank you kindly for stopping by and you can stop by anytime you like.



    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      21 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      I do apologize for using the term, "fear." It overcomes me sometimes. And I do agree with you on your explanation on "fear is the beginning of knowledge (of God)." That fear can be also translated into "reverenced," or revered.

      Thanks so much for your comments.

      Peace and have a quiet day.

      Write anytime you like.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      21 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      Thank you kindly for your respectful and warm comment. I not only appreciate the comment, but you as well.

      I like Paul due to The Apostle Paul, but where are the Silas' in our country? And the other Biblical names. I get James. Sure. I even have two great friends with James as names.

      "Beer?" a nickname? You are serious. Never heard that one before.

      Keep up the great work and write me anytime.

    • Paul Kuehn profile image

      Paul Richard Kuehn 

      21 months ago from Udorn City, Thailand

      My name of Paul was given to me possibly because my dad had an uncle called Paul Richard and Richard is my middle name. I have always liked persons with Christian names and find it hard accepting some of the popular names today. If you want to see some strange names for Thai girls, I suggest you read the hub I wrote on that topic. I couldn't believe that one of my sixth grade students had the nickname of "Beer." I enjoyed this hub and am sharing it with HO followers.

    • The0NatureBoy profile image

      Elijah A Alexander Jr 

      24 months ago from Washington DC

      Brother Kenneth,

      You are again using a term you do not know the meaning of again, "fear." Fear does not mean to be afraid or scared, it means "to approach with cautious learning" which requires one to open up all learning faculties for the purpose of learning. Afraid and scared means to close down all faculties except for defense and protection.

      Why would the Bible say "the fear of god is the beginning of wisdom" if it means afraid? Since god is in everything it means to approach everything with cautious learning. Knowing that has eliminated my b being to afraid and scared of anything. I've found that "dominion" man are told to have over everything and the earth in Genesis 1:26-28 means "to exceed the ability of" meaning "man [our specie's name as indicated there] have nothing on earth to be afraid of because they can exceed the power of everything here. Understanding knowledge is the way to liberty. The Bible has also said "in all your getting get understanding" so if we accept society's instructing what words means rather than educating ourselves [to bring forth from within by objectively observing, participating and reasoning and learning to communicate it to others] we will find our way out of mental slavery.

      So simply by being the objective observer and reasoning my "birthright" affords me that can not be removed from me by other man so long as I practice reasoning, is why I have reached freedom. Thank you for your kind observation and attitude toward my freedom, my friend but I'm, for the time being, not traveling, I'm stationary in DC.


    • Jennifer Mugrage profile image

      Jennifer Mugrage 

      24 months ago from Columbus, Ohio

      I don't read your every Hub, because I just don't have time, but since you mention it now, I would for sure read a Hub with that title.

      For what it's worth, I think people tend not to realize it when someone is envying them. Or if they find out, they just find it insulting or comical. "I feel so sorry for myself, and YOU are envying ME?" "You don't know how bad I have it!" etc.

      Also, of course, very few people like the way they look, especially when they are young. That seems tragic until you imagine what the world would be like if a bunch of self-involved teenagers all thought they were Adonis. It would be even worse.

      Feel free to use any of these totally obvious cliches in your Hub.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      24 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Aweee, Jennifer,

      You are a master of the written word. Yes, I used "master," due to the fact if I had said "mistress," that would have insulted you. And I ain't about insulting a DEAR Friend: YOU.

      I mean it too.

      I will let you in on a secret: I look the same and act the same in person as in this photo.

      And as for ages, I feel as if I am 22 at heart. Not so much in body (e.g. Fibromyalgia; Recovery from Congestive Heart Failure--the toll taken).

      I want to run a hub idea past you and see what your take will be.

      I am producing a hub entitled, "Are You Now or Were You Ever The Envy of Anyone?" would you read it?

      Write me anytime. Love reading your comments and works.

    • Jennifer Mugrage profile image

      Jennifer Mugrage 

      24 months ago from Columbus, Ohio


      Ah, yes. Getting text onto a photo and turning the whole thing into one image ... very impressive.

      Why did I ask if it was really you? So many reasons ...

      Remember, the only photo I have ever seen of you is your profile photo. Compared to that one, "Hello, my name is Kenny" ...

      - is wearing one less shirt

      -and one less head of hair

      -and one more pair of glasses

      -and one additional goatee

      -and is pictured against a background that appears to be sheet

      -and is looking right at the camera with a friendly look, much less stern looking than your profile photo.

      Plus, he just looks so right with the text and caption. That's the main reason.

      But hey, for all I know there could be ten or more years between the two photos I'm comparing.

      It's funny how, when all you have are photos, a person can look so different from one to the other, but all these things resolve if you just see them for a few minutes IRL.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      24 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear Ann,

      It is always a pleasure to hear from you. I had wondered where you were and how you were doing.

      Love your daughter's choices of names. I can change my thinking now. It is not the name that creates the personality, but quite the contrary.

      Thanks for your sweet comment and compliment.

      I pray that you and yours have a safe weekend and safe Labor Day.

      Write me anytime.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      24 months ago from SW England

      Bob Geldorf and David Beckham have done the world no favour in naming their children have they? Actually, Harper was ok but the rest? No.

      My daughter named her first child Summer (when it was really unusual). Summer was born in January and I did question the choice. She turns out to be one of the sunniest personalities I've ever known. Cool!

      There are some cool female names which come from literature - Wendy (from Peter Pan) and Lorna (my elder daughter) from Lorna Doone, opened by R D Blackmore.

      I love how names mean all sorts of things and often form a character, or seem to. I rather think that it's others who form that character for them, no thanks to the given name in the first place!

      Great idea for a hub, Kenneth!


    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      24 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      I see clearly how you have abandoned much of the "steel" doctrines of that that former life that kept you misinformed and now you are completely (free) to enjoy, reach out and not only grasp, but share the hidden (from most mortal eyes glazed with fear) things of life that was put here by The Supreme Creator to execute and continue such an indescribable love for such mortal beings as we.

      Peace. And safe travels to you.

    • The0NatureBoy profile image

      Elijah A Alexander Jr 

      24 months ago from Washington DC

      Kenneth, your response to Victoria Lynn reminds me of something I often say to people when they don't know the definition of their names, "they may be calling you 'go to hell' if you don't know your name's meaning(s)" is what say.

      What are we being brainwashed for? Yes, "to maintain a certain and cemented ritualistic drive to succeed which is covered with the blood of the fallen on our battlefields" definitely. We are also being trained to follow the dictate of our leaders unquestionably like the Army and Marines are brainwashed to believe "mine is not to question why, mine is to do and die" when the UCMJ (Uniformed Code of Military Justice) in section 90 says one can be "Court Marshaled for obeying a unlawful order." Their schooling doesn't give them room to read the UCMJ to find that out.

      I know I wasn't given time to nor encouraged to read it when I was in the Air Force,. If I had I would not have been discharged "Honorably under medical conditions" because a Sgt. ordered me to un-ground an airplane I knew was unsafe to fly. I un-grounded it and he signed it off but because he had more than 20 years of service nothing happened to him and I was discharged because the grounding panel came off and caused 2 bomb to fall off doing takeoff. When the 1st Sgt. asked me why I used "mine is not to question why, mine is to do and die" I had been told in Basic Training so they opened the way for me to go the job I wanted to upon discharging.

      Since being the nomad I've been allowed to realize just how much parents, government and religion deliberately mis-inform us to keep us doing as they say. Parents do because they "loved" their parents that often punished them to do as they say they would never part with that obedience. Religions uses "start tactics" of an eternal punishment to prevent our parting from their doctrines and you see above how the military does it.


    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      24 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      @ Jennifer Mugrage,

      I think I am hurt. You did not mention the painstakingly difficult process of overlaying text over my photo.

      And just to ease my pain, were you making light of how I look by saying, "is this "really" you?"

      I am about to weep.


      Write me soon. (Sigh).

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      24 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      You drove home your decisive point about education being masked in numerous masks designed by the government. This I will agree on.

      But we and the many before us are being trained for what? To maintain a certain and cemented ritualistic drive to succeed which is covered with the blood of the fallen on our battlefields.

      This discussion could get interesting.


    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      24 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Sweet Friend, Victoria Lynn,

      Now correct my senior thinking, but you name IS Victoria, so what is meant by "I wish I had been named Victoria?" Forgive me, sweetheart, but I am confused.

      I actually LOVE your name.

      Speaking of you. I have really missed you over the past months--and wondered what happened to you.

      I thank God that you are still a citizen of "Hubville."

      It is soooooo nice to hear from you. I mean that.

      Thank you for investing some of your time and life into following me and commenting on hubs such as this.

      Fact: I am not a Nuclear Scientist by day and hubber by night.

      Just wanted you to know that.

      Write me more often.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      24 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, faith-hope-love,

      My sincere thanks to you for supporting my views.

      Funny as the names are, some are truthful.

      Scary, huh?

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      24 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Jennifer Mugrage,

      Yes. Sadly, that IS me in that photo. And the caption is the truth. I sought Webster's about names and their meanings. But I have never been quite at peace with my name. I wish I knew why.

      Thanks for the sweet comment and you can write me anytime.

    • The0NatureBoy profile image

      Elijah A Alexander Jr 

      2 years ago from Washington DC


      Forgive me for changing topics.

      You must not know education means "to bring forth from within" because that is not something that require forking out thousands to do. What you are mistaking education for is schooling actually defined as "preparing the masses to follow a leader" that government doesn't define to us but call it education which they do not define. The term school is derived from the name given large groups of fish following a single leader but saying it's an education necessary to "earn a living" people are willing to fork over thousands to be brainwashed into being a leader follower.

      What is required to become educated or so objective one "observes un-judgmentally, participate without regrets, reason with the various outcomes and being able to communicate it to others" which does not cost money. It does require our either have finances enough that we don't need to work for money or become "financially independent" actually defined as "able to live without money." The latter is preferable over the first because being the latter one must recognize their own relationship in earth's ecology, i.e.," the conglomerate of living entities consuming other living entities to maintain themselves and their specie" earth is mad of. The first does not allow one to observe that relationship but keep us believing we are independent of earth's ecology.

      I just couldn't resist saying that, I've debated saying it since seeing that article.


    • profile image


      2 years ago

      I am in full agrement with you. Good Piece. John

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 

      2 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      I love this hub--very fun and funny. I wish I had been named Victoria--wouldn't it have made me much more regal and more victorious? :-) Interesting to think about!

    • Jennifer Mugrage profile image

      Jennifer Mugrage 

      2 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      Ha ha! Is that really you? Love the shirtless picture ... and the caption! It is perfect!

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama


      LOL! Thank you for that lively comment. I can see how the "PG" name would create a lot of social embarrassment. That is taking being a fan too far, right?

      Still funny though.

      And I am so glad that you like Jack Elam also. I was serious about having "J.D." for a name, but never had the guts to get it changed legally.

      Hey, talk about a hub idea. I am going to write a hub in the future about legal names that could cause me trouble.

      Thanks again for the nice comment.

      Keep in touch.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Kenny (Kenneth), your name fits perfectly :) some wonderful and horrendous names herein. How's this? The husband of a female friend of ours named their daughter "Honey Darling". He gave his wife a choice..that or "Pussy Galore" as he was an avid James Bond fan. It has caused the poor girl great problems if ever pulled over by the police for instance.."Can I have your name Mam?" Great hub. I often thought of calling myself J.D. My first two initials. I loved Jack never knew which way he was looking.


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