The Mommy Code
The Lost Mommy Code
Being a first time mom wow bliss you so many hands to help and this was exactly the case with my daughter almost 19 years ago. Now mom of 4 well you learn a few things along the way. My kids have huge age gaps and the results is their personalities and characters can clash most of the time. When my second daughter was born the eldest was already 5 years old and the help with everyone around my mom, my dad and all of my aunts to help I was spoiled and it gave me time for my eldest as well. As a single mom to these two girls it was stressful but fun. I was thriving as a mom with a stable income I could give them what they need. Life as a mom was good and to top it I was in no relationship I vowed to my kids they will always be first.
I am so grateful to my parents always there to help, but in 2005 everything changed drastically. Suddenly and unexpectedly my mom past away. Not to sound selfish but my whole world fell apart. I lost my mom, my daughters lost the one who was there when I wasn't their gran, but that is another hubpage for another day.
After meeting my husband which i am blessed now with two boys. Another huge age gap from my daughter to my four year old and from him to the latest edition 5 years. Being a parent/mommy has become tiring feeling nonexistent. I use to live for my kids now i just here. I don't know what it really feels like to be a wife cause I have been deprived of that as well. I went from 100 to 0 lightning speed, just like that my life gone.
Currently I have no relationship with my four old son due to outside influences, but another hubpage story. I feel empty as mom I try to protect my kids at all cost from what i call the mental monsters. I lost my mommy code awhile back. I know there is another mom that may feel like this too. By the way I am no blogger or writer but I know my heart and it's full of pain, hurt and anger towards life. So many women portray them as these smiling loving mother's and wives meanwhile they so broken and bruised inside.
Hopefully my next hubpage will be a bit rosier than this one ;)