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The Pains of being Born to a Broken Family

Updated on September 22, 2011
The Real Victims of Divorce
The Real Victims of Divorce

Several songs have already been released about people getting together and people falling apart. Several other music arrangements have been created to relate the feelings of those getting caught in the middle of the whirlwind of emotions related to the occurrence of divorce among couples, the children.

Being a member of a broken family, and an only child at that, I could say that I have come to know the truth about divorce within the bitter end. Children of divorce undergo several stages of realizing what they are really undergoing and most part of it is the struggle of getting through the process of healing. It usually depends on what age the children are when they undergo the said challenge of adjustment. At the average, children ages 9-10 are the ones usually prone to experiencing the said familial turmoil.

The first stage for such children is the aspect of letting go: most often than not, children undergoing this stage try to show themselves as somewhat "okay", at some point even relieved about the situation. They try to grow up as other regular children and find a way to be as normal as possible especially when they are among their friends. Inside, though, they know that their life is somewhat different than others and this could actually cause them to throttle later on.

The second stage is denial: as the children grow older, they begin to realize how different their lives are from the others. They try the best that they could to be strong through mixing along with friends and just blending in. Inside though, they seem to be denying to themselves what has happened to their families and try to make up a story that would best fit their desired memory of a "good family".

The third stage is moving on: although there is a time of struggle, there also comes a time of acceptance and coming into terms with what has occurred and what has become of their families. At this point, matured children [or at some point grown adults] are now in the process of healing themselves up.

The fourth stage is the lengthened effect of divorce on their personal being: May the approach of healing have been successful or not, children who have been brought up in a broken family develop personal grudges. Some become evidently "allergic" to commitments; some others become overly protective of their partners; some others become excessively suspicious and doubtful regarding the loyalty of their of their partner. Another long-time result of divorce on children is the fact that sometimes, the question of whether or not they are to be blamed for the separation of their parents remain for such a long time and at some point never gets answered.

Some children of divorce who have taken the more positive path of regaining strength from the struggle they have been into intend to create better families and at some point gets frustrated when they fail to do so and fear that they might be taking the same path their parents have taken in the past. True, the marks of divorce are hard to cope up with especially in a long-time span.

Families were first created to stand together and not apart. The reason why there is a father and a mother within a family is to stand for the needs of the children to be supported and mentored. Living with just one is hard, and being torn apart on who to live with is specifically taunting to the young minds of the children.

Couples often end up deciding over the path of divorce when they come to realize that they are in need of living separate lives due to the fact that they do not agree on several matters anymore or that they have already lost passion for each other. Setting aside what their children may feel, Isn't it just a selfish move to let the children suffer while the couple decide to live apart instead of working things out effectively?

For more help in finding out how children are affected by divorce, here are some interesting books to read

Effects Of Divorce On Children (Family Matters Book 1)
Effects Of Divorce On Children (Family Matters Book 1)

This kindle edition of the book provides an in-depth identification on what children of divorce specifically undergo towards the hope of getting over the pain of separation.

Effects Of Divorce On Children
Effects Of Divorce On Children

This provides an on-the-spot definition on how children respond to broken family setups. Helping the parents cope up with the challenge, this reading insists on making it easier for the children to deal with the pain and incur a normal life as they grow older.

Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce
Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce

What the parents say-How the children react: the presentation on how children hope to cope with the struggle of surviving the challenge of living with separate parents is the primary target of this reading.


Why Saving the Marriage has Become a Road Less Travelled

Out of 90 married couples, only 35 couples are willing to work their differences out through the years of their being married. Most of the time, couples today give up on each other and decide to go separate ways and at some point finding another person who they say "they really love". This idealism about marriage and divorce has become an acceptable fad among couples both young and old. It seems that only a few are really able to understand their vows and what is meant by the phrase "'till deal do us part".

I remember talking to a couple married for 62 years now; they said that in marriage, the crucial stage of adjustment takes at least 6 to 7 years from the point of undergoing the wedding ties. They mentioned how working the odds out is a team process and that during the first stages of marriage, both individuals would found out several things they might not like about their partner. In the process of getting to know each other, acceptance and understanding plays a great role.

Perhaps, for those who are thinking of incurring divorce, they might likely want to ask: "Have I done everything enough to save my marriage and save my family? "


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