ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Right Side of My Bed

Updated on April 19, 2013
how i usually feel
how i usually feel

Just Move

Technically speaking there is only one side of my bed from which i can get out, the other is blocked by my sons bed. One would consider then that it is would be impossible to have varying sides of my bed. I use the expression to mean having your feet firmly planted on the ground and moving in the right direction. For the almost 27 years of my life, two of which i have been a mother, I very recently noticed that I have only been going through the motions of day to day life. I have often attempted to create reasons for myself, things to motivate me to move forward and advance in my life however my bursts of energy and drive are very short lived, regardless of the name i put on the "fuel", ie.; for myself, for my son, for my family, for God, for my future. I have used every reason i could think of to motivate myself to go forward, yet have consistently fallen short and right back into the same type of rut where I begin to feel pointless. Not in a i want to kill myself way, more in a why do I bother living way. If you have never experienced this conflicting emotion you may wonder what the difference is, let me enlighten you to the fact that there is a HUGE difference between wanting to end your life and simply not wanting to participate in it.
I have been prescribed depression medication in varying doses and of different names, some which made me feel better some which made little to no difference. However the "good" feeling didn't last very long, a few months, a year tops. I have done many things in life in attempts to give myself the push to go forward and to love to live my life for more than a few weeks at a time. I could never successfully get to a consistent place where i was able to stay above the weight of living. I was in the ARMY for eight years, i was married for almost 3 years, i have been a mother for 2 years, i have gone back to school, i have gone back to work, i even recently started my own business, yet i was still dragging under this inexplicable weight. After reading a sappy Harlequin romance novel today, something sparked inside of me and i began to ponder and auto analyze. Today i have decided to move forward for no other reason than, moving backwards is not an option. I can continue to be miserable and weigh myself down, with my what if's and maybe's and i should have's. I cannot change yesterday and today is almost gone, how do you keep from being depressed under these facts? I hadn't realized that it truly does take just as much effort to not do something and later beat yourself up about it, than it takes to just do it. Today I have given myself the slight mental push every time i began to lag and compress into myself, trying to avoid as much of the worked as possible. It is not easy, by any stretch of the imagination, i have spent my life making excuses, blaming everyone including myself, turning to my God and my religion, yet i wasn't genuine, so none of it worked. The blaring question in my mind, "WHAT IS THE POINT?". Life, LIFE is the point, with 27 years of experience i can honestly tell you it is easier and lighter to just live it than to attempt to fight the current. I am a firm believer in standing up for what you believe and going against the current of mass or popular opinion, but being reticent to living isn't a strength, it's a weakness. Imagine all the good any person could do if the invested the effort used to keep from moving forward into living. Truly living is the hardest thing i have ever encountered, even harder than giving birth, I'm so used to going through the motions, and giving the bare minimum and complaining that life is too hard that i hadn't realized how hard it is not. I will not be able to make the best of every situation immediately and i will still make excuses and i will still take my meds, of course, but everyday i will choose one moment at a time to not let myself become stagnant in life and in routine. It is the hardest decision i have made in my life, honestly harder than celibacy until marriage, two years strong, harder than admitting to myself I AM a recovering alcoholic and not that i HAVE been an alcoholic in the past, harder than a year in Afghanistan. With this in mind i don't just challenge myself, but i also challenge you, who read this, join me in this, one day at a time, truly LIVE your life, no excuses, no holds bar.

How often do you choose to deal with the consequences of actions, or inaction?

See results


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • nathaliaines profile imageAUTHOR

      Ines Nathalia 

      5 years ago

      Thanks, i'm on their site often to access their published material

    • profile image


      5 years ago

      I like your honesty. Not long ago a good friend of mine suggested me this:

      Being open minded, I was - and still am - impressed with the variety, realism and applicability of many of their suggestions and explanations. Navigating through the site and its different sections I recommend it since reading specific things in times of discouragement can help. I salute you for your honesty once again. It's not common anymore these days! All the best!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)