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The Single Dad Experience: Dealing With Your Ex...
You're a single dad. That, for the most part, means you're single. But you're also a dad and that means you take care of a child. (I'm making a point, just stay with me.) At some point you had a relationship with a young lady (Or an old one if you're into that, Kels don't judge) and now the two of you are no longer together but you have a child. It can be hard moving forward and whatever lead you to have your kid isn't what I'm going to focus on today. Today its all about how to deal with your EX.
There are so many ways things can go when an EX is involved. Maybe you broke up amicably and now you two are just good friends, maybe she was cheating on you, maybe she's a horrible person. However it went down the first thing I need you to do is this:
- FOCUS ON BEING AN AWSEOM DAD.
This may sound silly but your first and only priority is to your child. Being a good dad will show your kid not only what kind of man you are, but what kind of man he can be or what kind of woman she will want. From this point on ANY relationship you enter will involve your child and no matter if its an EX or a NEXT they will have to respect the relationship you have with your kid. Or kids. (Like I said, Kels don't judge.) Placing your child first is the only way to ensure that no matter what happens with your EX, your kid never feels left out or second place.
Now on to the EX. It will of course depend on how things went down and let's also keep in mind that there are different types of EX's. First, let's talk about your EX being the mother of your kids.
- RESPECT THE TITLE
I don't care what happened, how it happened, who it happened to, who was at fault, what, when where, why. RESPECT THE TITLE. This woman has given you a gift that can not be measured. For that alone she deserves your respect. You have to be a ROCK. Be firm on your decisions and make sure that you can separate your personal feelings from your priorities. Being jealous and petty is a sure fire way to screw things up. Make sure that you keep open and honest communication with your EX. When you talk, do your best to do it without malice. Ex's have a place in our hearts whether we care to admit it or not. We can not let those feelings get in the way of doing what's best for our little ones.
- LET THE RECORD SHOW
I'm not saying you need to be best friends but it really helps when the two of you are on the same page. But if you aren't then just act like everything you say and do is being recorded. Sounds a little scary but when there is nothing romantic and things between you aren't all gravy, its best to treat your interactions with a touch of, how shall I say it, panache. Feelings get in the way and we can often let them guide our interactions when we really just want to get our points across. Stay levelheaded and calm with your interactions. That's the best way to deal with someone that may have other intentions.
Ex's are EX's for a reason. Don't make things messy by keeping them in the picture when you are trying to move forward. Your kid may get confused with her role and when it IS time to move on to the next one it could be hard for them to comprehend what's going on. When we break up with people they take a little part of us with them and we take a little part of them with us. It's important to leave the bad stuff behind or it'll weight you down and you'll never move forward.