The Single Dad Experience: How To Date A Single Dad
Normally I try to write things to help other single dads out that might be feeling a bit lost when it comes to this single dad stuff. Not today. Today its all about the ladies...
I won't promise that these tips will land you a single dad but they should help you when you're either being courted by one or if you're interested in going after one. Warning: You just might find the man of your dreams!
I'll jump right into it. First and foremost you need to understand that if a single dad is interested in you then he's already done the math as far as how things could work out with you in the equation. He knows he has a kid (or two, or three) and if he's looking your way you've been factored in. Do yourself a favor and don't downplay that. If you start dating and things aren't going smooth, PLEASE don't toss in that "you've got too much on your plate" crap. Let that man be a man and put you on that plate girl.
Next up, understand that you will never be more important than his kid(s) are to him. Respect that relationship! If he has to cancel because he needs to do something with his child then you can't be mad. He's got a responsibility and if you're trying to be in his life you need to get that in your head. Yes, he can love you with all his heart but that kid is first place and will remain there for all eternity. This doesn't mean you aren't important , it just means that he has priorities. Single dads long for a companion that understands his situation and isn't trying to knock what he's doing.
This part is a bit of a challenge as it hits a little close to home for me so I'll be talking about it while also trying to talk my way through it. That of course is dealing with his childs' mother. I have to pleasure of having two wonderful children from two different women, both beautiful in their own way but also very different in how things are handled. Ladies, just like you have to respect his child it is IMPERATIVE that you respect the mother of his children. I don't want anyone to get it twisted though, that doesn't mean she gets to be disrespectful and you sit there and take it, it means that you carry yourself in a manner befitting a woman in your position. Let's analyze it just a bit, shall we?
- If you get to meet the mother of his children understand that THAT is big deal. It's not saying that he's ready to marry you or anything, it's more of a show of respect on his part. He's saying that he's at a stage in his life where he is past that relationship and is ready for the next one and by introducing you to her he is bridging a gap that will hopefully get your family closer. You don't have to be bff's with his childs' mother but having a healthy respect for her will help out in more ways than I can list.
- If you're meeting her then he might also be showing off. Take the meeting as a compliment but don't let it go to your head. It's just another way for him to prove to you that there is nothing going on between him and her. A lot of times people will say that there is still something between parents even after the relationship has past because they have a child together. Trust me on this one, if you are meeting her on HIS terms then things are OVER between them. He's trying to gain your trust with this move.
- He's already got a mother for his kid. You don't need to replace her.* Meeting the kids can be a very nerve racking experience. You don't want to come off too strong because that may scare the kids but you don't want to come off too soft or they may not respect you. Be yourself and be firm. Study his parenting style to see how you can compliment it. If he's bit rough, then its okay for you to be a bit soft but make sure you talk it over with him first. He may have rules in place and you don't want to undermine his authority. When you date him, in a sense you're dating his kids too so be sure to be just as genuine with them as you are with him. Kids can see fake from a mile away and if they smell it on you then your days are numbered as a girlfriend.
When you start to date a single dad you're entering a world where it isn't just you and him. There's you, him, his kid(s), and to an extent the mother. Depending on his relationship with the mom things can get a little stressful. Not all moms are built the same and you may run into that one that just can't let him go. In those situations you may want to weigh your options. If you decide you want to stay, then plant your feet in the ground and let it be known that you aren't going anywhere. Stay regal and never stoop to anything less than ladylike. He'll appreciate it, trust me.
*Unless of course something has happened and the mother isn't in the picture at all. The circumstance at to which he has become a single father can differ and its important that you understand how he came to be a single dad. Maybe the mother passed away or is in a place where she can't see their child. Be mindful and respectful but also remember to be patient. A single dad is the best kind of man because you know he knows how to take care of business. If you have kids of your own you can see how he'd be with yours and if you don't it'll give you a weak peek at how he'd be with the ones you might have in the future!