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The Things People Teach Their Child Without Realizing it

Updated on August 31, 2013

The Things People Teach Their Child Without Realizing it

When raising a child it is not always the things you tell your child that instills their values, morals, knowing and understanding the difference between right and wrong, but what they observe and what the parent shows them instills more of these behaviors. Parents try so hard to teach and tell their children what to do and how to behave, but not all parents actually practice what they preach, and therefore, the child (or children) do not listen and continue to do the opposite of what they are told. Children are very observant creatures and they learn how to live and behave through their observation, so parents teach their children so many things that they do not necessarily even recognize. So parents should always be aware in how they behave, act, carry themselves, and live because poor behavior, negative actions, and bad habits are reflected through their children.

My daughter entertaining herself through educational toys.
My daughter entertaining herself through educational toys. | Source

How to Entertain Themselves

Life is all about staying busy, cramming in so many tasks, appointments, and obligations into a single day, so it is important for children to learn how to entertain themselves while their parents are busy with all of the important tasks that need to be completed before the sun goes down. Children are not always born with the ability to entertain themselves, they must observe their parents from the time they come out of the womb until they are able to move, wiggle, crawl, and walk so they are finally able to entertain themselves. It is known that when children play, they are acting out what they observe from the adults that surround them. Children play in the same ways in which they observe other people live. This is why there are children who keep themselves busy for hours playing house, while others have a difficult time tearing themselves away from the television.

Yelling When You are Angry is Acceptable Behavior

It is inevitable that children will throw temper tantrums, some more than others. Temper tantrums are learned through the children's parents, which is why some children throw worse tantrums than others. It is instinct and natural to become angry and enraged throughout ones life, but when something goes wrong and a parent feels angry and begins to yell and scream, they are teaching their child (or children) that yelling and screaming when you are upset is perfectly acceptable and normal behavior. It is important for parents to be able to control their anger and to not yell or scream when they are upset. It is important to teach children how to cope with their anger and other emotions in a more healthy manner than kicking and screaming.

How to Treat Other People

Most people are surrounded by others at some point during their day and how the parent behaves and when in a social surrounding is observed very closely by a child. If a parent is happy and excited to be around others, so will the child. If a parent is awkward, shy, and anxious when surrounded by people, that too will be reflected in their child. If a parent is rude and mean to the people they come in contact with, the child may grow up to be mean and rude as well, but if a parent is genuine, respectful, polite, and kind to people they come in contact with, the child will also grow up to become a very kind and generous person. Everyone learned the golden rule while in grade school, and it holds true for ones entire life: always treat others the way you would like to be treated.

My daughter showing her Nana love.
My daughter showing her Nana love. | Source

How to Love

A child will grow up giving just as much love to others as they were given when they were young. A parent teaches their child how to love and how to show love. If one desires their child to grow being a loving, caring and supporting person, the parent needs to show the child how to do so, by loving the child unconditionally (and by showing love to others that the parent cares about). Hug often, give kisses, hold and nurture, and overuse the words, “I love you”.

Our healthy and very happy little family.
Our healthy and very happy little family. | Source

How to Form Relationships

A major and crucial lesson that children learn through observation of their parents is how to develop and maintain personal relationships with friends, spouses, and family. When the child's parent(s) develop and maintain healthy relationships and are shown how to do so throughout their everyday lives, they are more than likely to grow up doing the same, and are less likely to develop unhealthy and abusive relationships. The more love and support a child has in their lives the more productive, healthy, and accomplished the child will become. Healthy relationships are extremely important for any person, so when the parent of a child maintains healthy relationships and surrounds their child with positive people that show gratitude and love toward not only the child, but the parents as well, the child will notice such behavior and learn how to notice when a relationship is toxic. Those who develop unhealthy relationships in their lives, the child will be more likely to make the same mistakes when they grow into adulthood.

A Parent Must be the Person They Desire Their Child to Grow Into

In order to raise successful, respectful, and active members of society that grow up to accomplish and achieve greatness, the parent must also be that person. Children learn through observation not by lecturing. A child is a reflection of the parent(s).

© 2013 Jami Johnson


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    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 

      4 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      I think that it is interesting that when children turn out well, the parents are often applauded for doing such a wonderful job raising their children, but when children do not turn out well, we blame the media, their peer group, and the negative influences in society. In reality, when parents do not provide a proper example, the children are left to their own devises, and they turn to these other outlets for role models. Your hub has explained that nicely!

    • christryon profile image


      4 years ago

      My boys have turned out the same way. My husband and I have rarely argued in front of them. We take long walks or stay up late to discuss things. When we have had arguments, one of us is pretty good about keeping a sense of humor; so much so that they have commented on several occasions: Who are the kids and who are the adults? because right now we really can't tell the difference.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 

      4 years ago from The Beautiful South

      You make great points and I agree totally. My husband and I agreed to never even argue in front of our children but talk matters over on our own and we had two well behaved terrific kids. Enough so that people often commented on them.

    • christryon profile image


      4 years ago

      As a person who grew up in the 'do as I say, not as I do' generation, I appreciate the advice that you have shared. Thank you!


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