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The Working mom, How do we survive
How do we survive?
How do working mom's do it? How do they find the time for everything, when there don't seem to be enough hrs in the day? Or all any mom wants to do is relax, after a long day at work. Why do we always feel guilty and like in some part of our lives we have failed to meet the standards we have set for ourselves?
Are you a working mom that feels guilty all the time because you spend so much time at work, or school? You feel like your kids, husband, and house are getting the shaft?
I know for a fact I am one of them mom's, I feel guilty for not being at home all day with the kids cooking and cleaning and spending time where I feel I should be. Or even after I get home I feel like I do not have a right to relax, because I need to make up what I didn't get to do during the day. I am also one of those mom's that feels like she should be able to do it all and, seeing someone try to help makes me feel even worse. Even if I want to ask for help I cannot, even if I just need a day I won't take one.I mean how could I? The dishes need done, dinner needs fixed, the kids want to go swimming or have friends over, laundry is piling up and you now have massive mountains, the dogs need to go out the floor need mopped and you still need to dust and clean the bathroom.
I am working and trying to go to school and let me tell you with 5 kids it is a LOT!! I will say that one more time it is a lot! I do have a wonderful man that supports me but I also feel like I am not doing what I should be doing for him as well as the kids. I mean it cannot be that hard to come home and do the laundry and clean the house and make dinner and spend quality time with everyone, except I just run out of time and hrs. in the day. So yet another day goes by when i finally go to sleep and feel like I am not providing for my family like I should.
I want to be the best mom, wife, the best at school, the best at work, and after a long day of getting up for work at 5:30 a.m. and not going to bed until after 3am I fail once again! I know I am being totally hard on myself but, I strive to be perfect( I know and unreachable goal) but there is no reason for my house, husband or kids to have to suffer because I work 60 hrs a week :/ I could cut back on working and school, but then my kids and house still suffer because then they have to go without, so what is a mom to do? Writing a blog to get rich is not working :) At least not so far "wink wink".
I want my kids to have the best life possible and give them everything I can, all while making sure I take care of my man! I am definitely old fashioned in that way, i want to be the one cooking, cleaning and doing everyone's laundry. i feel horrible when Josh has to do it cause I am gone all the time. I think he deserves one of them so called super wives, as much as the kids deserve on of them super mom's!
So now that you all know my feelings on this issue, this is what I am going to do about it. Well the simple solution is become a super mom and super wife, but I know that will never happen, because there is always something I am going to be slacking in and I will make myself feel guilty all over again.
So what can I do? How can I be everything to everyone? Well blogging helps, but I have done some research, and this is what I have found and a new plan for myself. I hope all you other mom's out there can find a way to be that super mom and super wife you have always dreamed of.
I am going to refocus on what is important to me and my family, Is a spotless house more important or is giving the best of the hrs I do have at home a day to my family, you guessed it I will have to let the little stuff go and spend time with my kids. They only grow up once and if I focus on all the small petty stuff I will miss it, and I do not want to know the guilt I will feel from that. When you combine motherhood and career you are going to have a few trade-offs.
Here are the reasons I work and go to school. #1 I want my kids to have the best life possible, #2 I need money to provide that, #3 I am in school to make my own dreams come true and give my kids and family an even better life, #4 sanity, and #5 MONEY!
I am going to stop thinking about what I should have done and start thinking about what I have done! I should do the dishes, but instead I played a game with the kids or I cuddled up with my love and watched a movie instead, oh yes that sound like a much better idea to me. The dishes will be there tomorrow. But just one of them perfect memories may not be. My kids and Josh will always be the center of my world, but it is not all on me to make everything perfect all the time! It is ok to ask for help and accept it when it is offered. I now realize with a career i will not be able to do it all alone and I will miss games and special moments, but I think it will be all worth it one day when I can look back and say I raised some pretty perfect well adjusted adults and I did everything I could for my family.
I have to lower the bar or I am always going to feel like I have failed everyone. Somethings are just going to have to be good enough! I know my kids are happy and healthy thats is all that matters. You know how young girls get images in their head that need to look a certain way because of all of the air brushed models in magazines, well moms have the same struggle. We see all the so called super moms in books, and magazines and we read how moms should be, and everything in that picture or on T.V. looks perfect. Well in real life, we all need to remember life happens and out=r kids need a place to live and the bills paid so we are not living in our car. We just need to enjoy raising our kids and know that none of our meals will look like the ones on the front cover of ny magazine. You really do not have to be perfect to be a great parent!
Don't worry about how other mothers are, or how great you think they are. Do what is best for you and your family! Make decisions based on your own life and your kids and family needs. Don't let the parenting police get to you. Don't make anyone make you feel bad for doing what you have to do for your family. They don;t know your family like you do, or even what makes your kids tick. You need to do what makes your family happy, and makes your family stay connected with each other. Remember you have the right to raise your own kids your own way!
No mom or wife is going to perfect including me, and every mom needs to realize even if we are not perfect our family will still love us and all of our imperfections and shortcomings! We can all be perfect in our own ways and will all fall short in some way or another. If we were all perfect all the time what would we have to strive for? Read my next blog to see things I have changed, and different schedules for the kids and cleaning I have set that work for my family. My family schedules may not work for you but they can give you an idea of something you can do for your family, that will work for you.