- Family and Parenting
The honor of being a Mother or Father
A newborn just longing to be fed and loved
It starts out this way.....you just have a helpless child who depends on you for feeding and attention...and most of all, love!! They hear your voice and it is so familiar after nine months.... it is automatic....they react and so do you. What an awesome sensation that for the first time, the first NEED and the first sense of LOVE is for you!!! That is the power of being a MOM or DAD and there is no other person or thing in this world that matters to you or this child.....and that feeling will last a lifetime.
Studies will tell you that a child that is left alone for hours on end without any nurturing or caring does not adapt. They do not grow or become the children that they can without their MOM or DAD to help them get to that point. What an awesome task one is given to be a parent. Some would say anyone can do it, but can they really? No, it takes a special person to truly fulfill the meaning of being a parent. It is not just the fact that you have a child.
A parent is made up of being someone who cares for a child, nurtures a child and supports a child in what we call everyday. Anyone can write a check or say they have children, but are you truly devoted to being a parent? Does this mean you are truly a parent...???? What makes up the parent mold????
I once put on my refrigerator this story:
"A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year-old son waiting for him at the door...
Son: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question'
Daddy: 'Yeah sure, what it is?'
Son: 'Dad, how much do you make an hour'
Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" that man said angrily
Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour"
"Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down. Looking up, he said,
"Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?"
The father was furious, "if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense,then march yourself to your room and go to bed. Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions
How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:"May be there was something he really needed to buy with that Rs. 300 and he really didn't ask for money very often!" The man went to the door of little boy's room and opened the door.
"Are you asleep, son?" He asked. "No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, may be I was too hard on you earlier", said the man, "It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the Rs.300 you asked for" The little boy sat straight up, smiling "oh thank you dad!" He yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled some crippled up notes.The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at his father. "Why do you want money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.
"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied."Daddy I have Rs. 500 now. Can I buy an hour of your time ? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you".
I remember when I decided that I would go back to school. I had had a good job in Jersey right out of high school. I had been there for five years, gotten married and had my daughter. We lived downstairs from my in-laws in a one bedroom apartment. My daughter's room was a little alcove in the kitchen that I made, as much as I could, into a nursery. We couldn't fit a real crib so we had a portable crib set up. I made a curtain out of a Mickey and Minnie Mouse pillow case that I had and family and friends helped with a basinet and gifts to provide for the rest in the beginning. I remember how it felt to be pregnant, and some of you might find this appalling, but I hated it!!! The only awesome part about it was the feeling of my babies, as they started to kick. After a point you can actually feel them inside you and know that you are bringing a little person into this world. Those kicks and movement gave me an overwhelming feeling of joy, awe struck that there was a little tiny being that I loved with all my heart, who I had not yet met, and I would never forget our first meeting......because my life would never be the same!!!
She had peach fuzz hair and it was all over, a scrunched face, and a cone head, but she was the most beautiful, precious being to me!! All of a sudden nothing else mattered. I was going to give this little piece of me the best of everything!!
Then my second came along. A "Beautiful Boy", who was rough and tumble. The typical little fearless daredevil and what I thought would be my challenge.
Then we moved to Florida and their father had a hard time finding a job. Me, I had a job making minimum wage and actually broke down when I saw my first paycheck because it would not bring us through the month. It was at that point that I started trying to find a way to make it easier. I left that job and started working in a place where they would pay for at least two classes a semester at college. I was there!!!! I was going back to school.
Then I found out I was pregnant and, of course, at first, I thought, is this going to be too hard, but there were now three huge reasons why I had to go!! They were depending on me to take care of them and I would not fail!!!
I went to school, getting bigger and more tired by the day. It was difficult, sometimes, to keep going, but all I had to think about were my kids. My baby came along in the midst of finals and term papers and work and balancing it all, but I was holding one of the centers of my world for the first time and I knew that I was going to try with all my might to get it right for them and me......I was going to master this juggling act, at the same time they would never have a doubt that they come first.
Yes, I gave up a lot of time with them for ten years every other night and some time during the weekends for studying and papers and projects. Sometimes missing school orientations, school nighttime events, but I made it to soccer games on weekends, coached soccer teams on the nights I was not at school and did my best to balance kids, work, school, and coaching. There were times when I questioned what I was doing. Was I giving them enough time, did they understand why I was doing this? Do I make up for the times I'm away???? I did the best with what I had and tried to lead by example and giving up would in no way be a part of that example!!!
Do we sometimes put the material before the warmth and caring and being there? I have thought about this often over the years. And have found solace in the fact that it was done, not for the expensive car or things I could give to my kids, but it was sheerly to provide necessities which made the sacrifices along the way well worth it!!! I never wanted them to feel like they had to buy my time....or that my time spent without them wasn't for good reason. I hoped to show them that it was still important to me to give them my time and support filled with hugs and kisses and a love that deepens with each breathe I take.
Whatever activity or thing was important to my kids was important to me. Yes, work and school took up a lot of time, but I made time for all of it....Now they have grown into adults. I have led by example as much as I could and I see through their drive that they are following that example. Not just exelling in school, and working, but they have found a balance between those necessary things and found time for friends and family too!!
Who says you can't have it all? If there is nothing else that I have given to my children other than to show them that it is truly an honor to be their "MOTHER" and showed the true meaning of "MOM"......then I have succeeded and I HAVE IT ALL!!!!:)