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There Is No Need to Spank a Child

Updated on April 4, 2011

When I was growing up spanking was very much a part of my father's discipline. I remember him making my brothers and sisters and myself lay over our bed while he whacked us with a paddle or a belt. There were times when my twin sister and I would huddle and cry in our room while we listened to the screams of our little brother being paddled because he did something he was not supposed to.  We were all afraid of our father. In fact, we all left the house at a very early age because of it.  I think it frustrated my brother the most and he ended up acting out very badly by the age of 11.  As my father and brother got older, my father felt he was losing control and his spankings escalated into full out fights between him and my brother. I can't blame my father because that is how he was raised, but I can say that my father has not done the best he can do with his life.  I left his house when I was 16 with the first man that said he loved me and wanted to be with me. I took the opportunity because I didn't feel I was getting that in my parent's house. He ended up being abusive, but as naive as I was I didn't think it was abnormal because I was used to being hit when I did something wrong.  I had my first child at the age of 18 and my second at the age of 20.  It was not until I was 21 years old that I recognized that being knocked down, punched in the face or spit on was not a healthy relationship.

I realized this one day when my younger son was three years old and he was crying because he didn't want to get into the bathtub. He couldn't tell me why so I just assumed he was doing it "just because". He just kept pointing at something instead of talking and it made me so angry that he wouldn't just tell me. In my anger I slapped his mouth and told him to stop crying. Of course that didn't work because I made his lip bleed. I didn't realize how hard I hit him.

I discovered a few months later that my son has Aspergers syndrome, a form of autism.

I, like my father, had failed to see the big picture. I didn't even know the half of what my child had been struggling to accomplish. I have never felt so disgusted and guilty in my life. Since then, I have vowed to myself that I will never hit my children. There is no need for it. The most important thing to me is to understand why they are behaving the way they are and fix it. You can not underestimate the intelligence of a child's mind. When they are doing something that I do not want them to do I no longer get angry. Now that they are getting older, if they are getting angry, I keep my mood calm and when they see that they are the only one behaving that way it quickly stops. Children don't like to be embarrassed and if they are causing a scene in the home or a public place if you let them know they are creating negative attention towards themselves they will listen and take notice.

Then I calmly explain myself, I ask THEM questions as to why they are mad, then I suggest an alternative means of dealing with the situation. If they are having difficulty controlling their anger, I simply tell them that I do not appreciate the way they are handling themselves, and I sit them in the center of the kitchen. (Never in their room because I think they will start associating their own space as a place they only go when they are in trouble.) This way, I am not putting them in a position where they can get in more trouble. They can still see what is going on and what they are missing out on because of their behavior and there is nothing for them to touch.

I have also noticed the behaviors between siblings who are spanked and those that are not. When you hit your child I think it instills in them that you have to hit in order to get what you want. They tend to fight with each other more or they have more fights with children in their school.  I've seen a toddler being spanked for doing something wrong and then in return hit or bite the parent. When if the parent had literally "put the child in their place" such as the kitchen, the child calms down and more times than not goes to hug the parent when they realize that what they did was wrong. The first couple of times it can be exhausting because the toddler will keep getting up, but the harder you persist, the more they realize you are in control and the more respect you will get.

My biggest pet peeve with spanking now is the fact that it has become so publicized as a sexual act rather than an act of discipline. Today's society is teaching our children that being spanked can be seen as a fun and exciting thing. If you google spanking and look at the images 90% of them are two adults posing either in a sexual nature, or in joking manner. Parents have completely lost the advantage if you believe that spanking is a form of good discipline. It has even been incorporated in our dancing so of course if you "spank" your child, they are more likely to see it as being hit and that to me creates violence.

It is such an old tradition that has been utilized since the beginnings of time, these teachings cause the domino effect when the child turns into an adult. If we were all raised to just stop, understand, and communicate love rather then use a physical and hurtful way to properly assess our situations the world would be a much more peaceful place without all the hypocrisy.


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    • mcrawford76 profile image

      Matthew I Crawford 6 years ago from Greeley, Colorado

      Very nice hub. If everyone could all follow your footsteps we could actually succeed in creating a generation who doesn't know what a spank is. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

      Voted up and bautiful.

    • gauti0001 profile image

      gauti0001 7 years ago

      nice one

    • The Jet profile image

      The Jet 7 years ago from The Bay

      I'd never hit my kid... when I have one. Haha. Cool hub.

    • Andrew Gubb profile image

      Andrew Gubb 7 years ago from Barcelona, Spain

      I love the openness here. I feel the same way about hitting children (I always say hitting, not spanking, because hitting a child is not different from hitting an adult and doesn't deserve a different name).

    • zzron profile image

      zzron 7 years ago from Houston, TX.

      Nice hub and welcome to HubPages. I have to disagree with you on this. Children do need to be spanked from time to time depending on their age and what they did to deserve a spanking.

      Spanking is to get their attention and discipline them when they are out of line or out of control and need to be taught right from wrong and should be used as a last resort if a good talking to doesn't do the job.

      Children need to know they have people in their life who love them enough to spank them when they deserve it otherwise you have children growing up to be adults who think there are no rules in society and in up in a world of hurt like some celebrities because someone didn't love them or care about them enough when they were younger to take the time to spank them when they needed it.

      This is part of the reason we have spoiled arrogant adults who think the rules and laws or for other people, not them.

    • Lady MJ profile image

      Lady MJ 7 years ago

      Oh my goodness Paul "listen to your children because that is the only way they will ever listen to you." I think that pretty much sums up my whole article. I love that line!

      Thank you Jaye! Another reason I use the kitchen is because that is where they do their chores. Dishes, trash, etc so the less time they have to spend in there while not eating, the better for them and they are very aware of that ;)

      Thank you so much for your comments! I always get excited to see them.

    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 7 years ago from Deep South, USA

      Great recommendations to parents, Lady MJ! I especially like your suggestion that the "time out" should be in the middle of the kitchen, not in the child's room or standing in a corner so the child can see what he or she is missing.

      Parents have the truly awesome task of loving and teaching their children. How that is done will affect their adult life as well as their childhood.

      Great hub! JAYE

    • Paul Kohler profile image

      Paul Kohler 7 years ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      There is a lot of good information here, the most important thing is to listen to your children because that is the only way they will ever listen to you. I am against spankings or yelling at my children for the reasons you mentioned they will grow and so will the cycle. Thank you for sharing

    • Lady MJ profile image

      Lady MJ 7 years ago

      Awe! I got tears in my eyes reading that alwayzzcitra! Thank you so much. Hugs are given all day, every day in my home. They are sent assuredly! Your baby is blessed to have such a lovely mother.

    • alwayzzcitra profile image

      alwayzzcitra 7 years ago from Palembang, Indonesia

      Very insightful hub! This is one of the best articles I have read on spanking kids.

      However, there IS a difference between spanking and beating. Spanking should not hurt you, or leave you any scars, be it physical and emotionl like what beating does.

      Not that I believe in both of them!

      I have a 15 months old and I have promised my self that I would never lay my hands on her. Physical punishment will only teach children that violence is okay and tolerable. No I don't want my children to believe such thing.

      Send my hugs to your childen! :)

    • J.S.Matthew profile image

      JS Matthew 7 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Well written and very personal! Welcome to HubPages. I can see that you will do very well here! Keep up the good work!

      Glad to follow and hope that you'll stop by and check my Hubs out and also follow! Looking forward to reading more!

      Keep Going!


    • Lady MJ profile image

      Lady MJ 7 years ago

      Thank you all very much for your comments. I'm glad I am not alone in this. I love my babies too much to inflict pain and see them cry. Unfortunately there are children who really push their parents, but I think it is a way of trying to tell their parents something else is wrong, but are afraid to say it. I have heard that they are going to allow principals and teachers to spank students again. I don't like that idea at all.

    • dynamicsoul profile image

      dynamicsoul 7 years ago from united kingdom

      People are be lucky to have children who listen to their parents.. Some children can push it so far that there is no other option for parents than some discipline. However, if used on a child, it should be done with thoughts of how it can be used in a non harmful way, maybe as one off warning and deterent when a child shows out of control behaviour.

    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 7 years ago from Australia

      A wonderful brave, truthful write. well done

    • rebekahELLE profile image

      rebekahELLE 7 years ago from Tampa Bay

      I think you have said it very well, especially having experienced the hurt and shame and confusion that spanking can cause. It sounds like your son is fortunate to have an understanding and wise parent. Keep up the writing and thanks for sharing this important topic!

    • the clean life profile image

      Mark Bruno 7 years ago from New Jersey Shore

      Very Well written Hub and you are correct in your words. I too, have never spanked my children, well my son a few times, but my daughter Never!! With my deep voice and the Italian temper my children knew I meant business when I spoke so there was never a need to spank or hit, thank God.