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They say "I Hate Being a Mother"

Updated on July 21, 2012
motherhood
motherhood

Motherhood

I recently read an article online called 'The Misery of Motherhood' and I totally identified with it. Before you shoot me down and say I am out of my mind, please read on. I am a single mother of one child, I never planned this life it happened when I was in a long term somewhat blissful relationship. I got pregnant whilst on the pill and the rest is history. Nothing could have prepared me for the feeling of utter despair that I would feel some days when I woke up. I few said it was post natal depression which in fact it was for the first two months. Then I seemed to get over that hurdle and I thought everything was going fine. However, this changed and I started to feel trapped, tired, fed up and almost like I was in prison.

Many other Women Feel the Same Way

After reading this article I decided to Google the phrase “ I hate being a mother.” There were over 50 million results, an array of blog posts and forum threads of women saying they found motherhood so stressful and so disheartening that they wanted to run away. I understood how some of these women felt. I am not saying I do not love my child because I totally do however, some women are just not cut out for motherhood. I try my best and work hard every day to try and make my son's life the best it can be. However, every day is a struggle, turning on my laptop at night to do my work is like an escape, a peaceful haven I can just sink into when I have had a bad day. Some days are good days, because I am someone who believes in the power of positive thinking. I meditate and try and eat healthy and exercise to get away from this niggling feeling. It does work, it makes me feel a lot better at times. However, sometimes I feel like I was not designed for this job.

Is Every Woman Designed to do the Same Job?

I compared this feeling to starting a new job and being so excited about the job, and then after a few months you realised you should have applied for another job. I feel that I was designed to be carefree and free spirited. Travel the world on a whim without thinking about nothing else but how many pairs of underwear I should pack. I spoke to 40 women who basically told me exactly the same thing, they felt that they were not cut out for motherhood. They loved their children dearly but they felt like their life could have been better if they just did not have any kids at all.

Support

I also spoke to mothers who said they felt happy and fulfilled and felt like they enjoyed being a mother. Most of these women had something in common, and that was plenty of love and support from a husband or family members. When you do not have a strong support network it can be very hard and you can sometimes feel like you are in some kind of locked cage. You try your best, you take them to playgroup and to the park and the theme parks, and teach them and love them and nurture them. However, you do not enjoy it as much as you thought you would, why? You feel like you are a shadow of your former self. Some days, I am so tired that I forget to eat, forget to smile and forget to sleep until 4 am because I need to get some work done. Some people might read this and say stop complaining, you should never had kids in the first place then. Well, at the end of the day, everyone is different, some take to it like a duck to water. Some people just never take to it, I am trying my best every day. However, I still haven't taken to it, I hope that changes though.

Working

I think that women who work feel more fulfilled than those that do not work. You get an opportunity to do something for yourself and be amongst like minded adults. I work from home, and when I get the chance I go to events or work assignments however, I am majority of the time with my son and sometimes other parents when we go to playgroup. He will be going to nursery in full time in October so I will be able to write full time and run my business full time instead of part time. This means that my son will be able to feel more fulfilled and so will I. I do believe that when he goes to pre-school full time things will shift, and I will get the opportunity to enjoy motherhood and enjoy being me again too.

I remain positive every day, and try to be happy even when I do not always feel like being happy. This goes out to every mother out there who is working hard to give their children a better life. Keep the faith and try to remain positive. It is hard but I guess we have to keep fighting every day of the week.

Never give up xxxx

Motherhood is so hard at times but all we can do is love our children xxx

Comments

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    • intriguewriter profile imageAUTHOR

      intriguewriter 

      5 years ago from worldwide

      Hi

      I couldnt find you on fb either, i saw someone with the name nana diong so i added that person not sure if it is you. Here is my fb link http://www.facebook.com/misse.damoah add me from there, if it is you I have added message me on there.

      thanks

    • profile image

      Nanabenjamin 

      5 years ago

      Thanks to be willing to talk with me...

      I tied to add you on Facebook but I couldn't find you.

      Here's mine please let me know if you can find me.

      My email is nanadiong@hotmail.com

    • intriguewriter profile imageAUTHOR

      intriguewriter 

      5 years ago from worldwide

      nana benjamin if you want to talk you can message me through here or on facebook I am miss e-damoah on there

    • profile image

      Nanabenjamin 

      5 years ago

      Hello!

      Your post caught my attention and while reading it I felt like someone else in this world feels and understand what I feel.

      I also had my son unexpected, I was 15 weeks pregnant when I passed out at work for no reason, (I m never suck). When the nurse told me my boyfriend and I were in shock. I started to cry because part if me was happy but deep inside I wasn't.

      My boyfriend didn't help me in my choice of having an abortion, and I was scared if going in alone, time passed and everybody was telling me that I would be fine and a great mother, I forced myself to believe that.

      I have to be honest and say thati didn't care much during my pregnancy, I did drink couple if time and smoke cigarette, I was secretly wishing for a miscarriage.

      During the first week at the hospital and home, I was in my own boat. I felt live for my son but resentment as well...

      I was crying everytime I looked at him, but wouldn't let anyone touch him, it was like I was trying to figure out what was happening around me.

      Now my son is 2 months old, I'm still so confuse, I so want to get away, hoping that this is use a dream, I would wake up and be back to my normal life, to work and having my own time.

      I feel like I'm way to selfish and that I should have had him. I'm mad at my bestfriend for not pushing into my first thoughts, I'm mad at the world for having my son. Don't trust the pills anymore, cyz it didn't work for me, I'm sooo upset and there is nothing to calm me.

      I feel like I'm acting around people when I say that I live motherhood, and that everything is just FUN.

      This is not for me and there is nobody I can talk about this because they all blame it on PPD.

      I know deep inside it has nothing to do with it, I'm just a selfish person that was suppose to be without child.

      I'm still with my partner, but the resentment u have towards him scares me, I cannot even stand him talking to me! I hate him deep inside for having me pregnant and not helping me to make a choice while I still had the time.

      I hate him for being happy having a son while I am the one who carried him for 9 month and had a c section, and nurture him, and pamper him I take such good care if him but it is all without being happy about it.

      I love my son.

      But I hate being a mother and nobody understands me.

    • intriguewriter profile imageAUTHOR

      intriguewriter 

      6 years ago from worldwide

      well good luck. You have to try and remain positive but you know some people do not tell you the truth and say it is going to be easy and blissful. It is the hardest thing anyone could ever do bring up a child but it is also rewarding. I Advise you to try and do some nice things for yourself before your baby is born. Go to a spa day, and maybe travel around a bit and go out with your friends for nice dinners and fun times....not clubbing or anything like that just enjoy yourself. Because when the baby is born your life will be totally turned upside down for a while. Be happy and positive but make sure you have plenty of family support because when you dont hve that support it is very hard. Good luck

    • profile image

      Jessica Kay 

      6 years ago

      I never wanted to be a young mother (20) i always wanted to be married and stable first. But now facing my pregnancy very positive and as a single parent i believe if i do my best everything will turn out for the best. Sometimes i do feel like i destroyed my life dropping out of college and all until my baby is born but i know me being healthy and positive and with my family is what's best for my baby right now. :-)

    • intriguewriter profile imageAUTHOR

      intriguewriter 

      6 years ago from worldwide

      thanks for the comments

    • intriguewriter profile imageAUTHOR

      intriguewriter 

      6 years ago from worldwide

      Hi thanks for your comment here, I am no longer with the father he is around for my boy but not very supportive. I am not saying my son has not been a blessing but I just dont think i was cut out for motherhood. I do my best and my son is happy and healthy. Well as for daycare, he is going to pre school, it is not really a daycare facility. He is very intelligent and loves being with other kids and he actually told me he wents to go to school. In terms of working from home I cant really get much work done with my son around because I have to skype clients in other countries and I cant really have a lot of noise and in the background. I do a lot of business conferencing with clients and my freelancers so really in order for me to pay the bills and keep a roof over our head he has to go.

      i do all my work at night which is not really working out in terms of clients so school for him is the best thing. He is also gifted and will be going to a school for gifted children. So, I am not just packing him off to daycare. I wrote this article because i KNOW There are a lot of women out there suffering, I am very strong and independent and I am getting on with it but for me personally I was not cut out for this. I am cut out for being a business woman and living life to the fullest on my own. I cant do that so I am living my life to the fullest with my son. I can be a mother and still have my own identity what I struggle with is a lot of women I speak to act like being a mother means b eing a mother and that is it.....you can live your life in any other way. Which is utter rubbish because you should still be able to have your you time and still be a mum. I feel much happier as a mother when I can go to work assignments and make money and come home see my son and provide for him to the best of my ability

    • Gabby McMahon profile image

      Gabby McMahon 

      6 years ago from Ennis, Co Clare, Ireland

      while it is my ultimate goal in life to have happy, healthy children, I totally respect and understand women who are not jumping with joy when they become mothers....I think that is how my mother must have felt, hence her inabilities to relate to us and to raise us properly, even tough in her mind she did the best she could.

    • Kartellmyst profile image

      Kartellmyst 

      6 years ago from Oklahoma City, Ok

      IDK. I didn't plan my pregnancy. I was three months pregnant and didn't know that I was pregnant..yet I didn't ever have a miscarriage. I see my 1 month old son as a blessing. Even though I never wanted to be a young mother..it happened so quickly. ..but I can't turn back time and seeing it clearly now I think that he is the reason for living. ;)

    working

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