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Things You Should Never Say to a Stay-at-Home Mother

Updated on November 23, 2013
A mother is a mother no matter what type of lifestyle they choose to lead.
A mother is a mother no matter what type of lifestyle they choose to lead. | Source

A List of Questions and Comments That Should Never be Said Out Loud to a Stay-at-Home Mother

There are all different types of mothers, and not one of them raise their children in the same fashion. Mothers should always be praised by making it through the day without chocolate stains on their clothing, for a toe that is not stubbed, or for a day that goes by where she did not step on a Lego. One should never be belittled for their own personal career choice or for the decision to stay home full time. Some mothers decide to go back to work soon after their child is born, and some mothers decide to stay home with the young child, both of these choices are decided upon out of love, dedication, and strength for the entire family.

Personally, I am a young stay at home mother, and many people approach me to ask questions, or just feel the need to tell me what they think about my lifestyle decision for our family. I understand people have opinions about certain lifestyles and they feel the need to voice them, but if a person does not understand someones personal life decisions they should just be quiet until they have learned to form questions that are a little less demeaning and hurtful. Any mother makes decisions that will better the entire family, every mother sets her own selfishness aside and chooses to either go back to work, or to stay home, and it is amazing that both women exist in this world. All types of mothers are strong, selfless, and independent.

There are just certain questions and statements that should never be said to a stay-at-home mother, so before you open your mouth, stop and think, sometimes when your curiosity peaks, you make another person feel bad, and no one should be made to feel guilty when they are trying to do what is best for their own family.

If you ask a stay-at-home mother certain questions, you are bound to receive a sarcastic and seemingly rude answer in return.

This list is made up from the most common questions and statements that I run into when having a conversation about being a stay-at-home mother and homemaker (paired with my sarcastic and smart-ass answers).

“Don't you think it's selfish to stay at home and free load while the father works all day?”

What a stupid thing to say, did that really just come out of your mouth? Free load? I wish that I could do nothing and have him come home from work and never complain that there is a few dirty dishes in the sink, but no, it is my full time responsibility to maintain the household even when he wants to relax.

“So? You just let him take care of you?”

Yes, he pays the bills. No, he cannot wash is own underwear. It's give and take people. He gives me financial support, while I provide him with emotional support, a clean house, clean underwear, a clean and happy child, and home cooked meals everyday, but yeah, he takes care of me.

“If you have financial stress or if you're low on money, just go get a job.”

Oh jeez, why have I never thought of that? This would be fantastic advice if I could make more money than the weekly daycare bill. If daycare takes my entire paycheck, why can't I choose to stay home with my child instead?

“Isn't it tiresome to stay at home all day and only talk to children? Don't you get bored?”

I don't always stay at home, my daughter and I go outside, we play games, we learn together, we take walks, we visit with friends, and I quite like it. There is no one day that is exactly the same as the other, so I rarely get bored.

“Don't you feel awful when you have to ask him for money? Don't you miss having your own finances?”

Of course I miss having my own personal checking account, but I never feel awful when I need some money because he never feels awful when he needs clean clothes, food, clean dishes, vacuumed floors, a tidy home, and a well-behaved child.

“Do you ever get any time to yourself?”

When you go to work, how much time do you have to yourself? Don't you have to stick to a certain schedule, interact with your boss and coworkers, work together to make difficult decisions for the better of the company? Sounds like a stupid question when it's reversed, huh? I make time for myself just like any other mother.

“I could never stay home all day and do what you do.”

Then don't, you have many choices in life, my choice was to stay home, if you feel you can't handle the responsibilities of the household, go to work, it is really that easy.

“Don't you think being a stay at home mother is a little old fashioned?”

Maybe, but it is what is best for our family. Everyone makes sacrifices and decisions for the better of everyone involved in the situation. What seems old fashioned to one person, makes the most sense to another.

“What about your dreams and desires? Don't you want your own life?”

The last time I checked, I did have my own life, but I guess there is a chance that my brain was swapped out for a robot and I no longer make my own decisions. Or maybe I was brainwashed. Dreams and desires don't cease just because I stay home, of course I have dreams and desires, and of course I follow them, I just do it in a different way than you. Remember this is the life I chose, no one chose this for me. I actually have more time than most to find a path in which I can follow my dreams.

“I wish I could do nothing all day instead of working.”

Oh my goodness, how did you know that I sit in bed all day, eating snacks, letting the child run loose, destroying the house, while I let the laundry pile to the ceiling, and just throw the dishes away instead of washing them? Yes, I do nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“Why didn't the father stay home? Why is it always the woman?”

Assuming it is always the woman who stays home is ignorant, and quite false. There are men who choose to be the homemaker of the family and love staying home with their children. In my family, the reason I was the one who decided to stay home is actually quite simple: he already had a good job in which he spent five years building up to the point where he is now, also, he made more money. I made less money and worked at Subway making sandwiches, staying home seemed like a better life choice than asking the father to stay home so I can continue to make sandwiches for rude people. If choosing a homemaker makes sense to a certain family, the person chosen to stay at work is most generally decided by whom makes more money and who's job will give them a better stepping stone into the future. Also, the family must decide who would be more productive in maintaining the household duties and caring for the children. It is not something that is instantly decided, it takes a lot of planning, and tough decision making as a family and a couple.

“Doesn't it bother you that you are so dependent on him?”

When two people are in a committed relationship and have decided to begin to form their own family, both people involved are dependent on each other. It never bothers me that I am dependent on him in certain ways, I love him, and in many ways he is dependent on me as well. Our child is dependent on both of us, therefore we share all of the responsibilities to make sure that our child's needs are met at all times. Every family is dependent on one another, and that is what forms a loving, well established, successful family, no matter if the mother works or stays home.


In Conclusion: Every Mother is Special and Unique

Every mother around the world is special and decides to raise their family in a unique way. Every mother makes sacrifices, becomes selfless, and provides their family with strength and love. A stay-at-home mother will sacrifice her own financial dependence and career to provide the household with stability as well as maintain the household by keeping up with all chores and caring for the young children. A mother who decides to work sacrifices extra time with their young children by providing more income within the household so the time spent with the family can be more special and so that the children will be provided with everything they need for years to come. A mother is a mother whether she chooses to work or chooses to stay home.

© 2013 Jami Johnson


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    • Hannah David Cini profile image

      Hannah David Cini 

      3 years ago from Nottingham

      Great read- I never realised how much being a stay at home mum was but it is so worth it.

    • Maxine Pase profile image


      3 years ago from West Virginia

      "Must be nice to sit at home all day."

      "What time did you actually roll out of bed today?"

      I got both of those from a grandparent whose wife was a stay at home mom and should know better.

      The criticism can be very nerve wracking for a new mom.

    • moonlake profile image


      4 years ago from America

      When my children were young all mothers on our country road were home with their children. It sure has changed. Maybe you don’t want to miss one moment of your children's life.

      I don't know how mothers do it now days. Do most really make enough money to pay daycare, clothes, gas, etc. I know some work because they are the ones that have the insurance.

      One of our family members stayed home with her children. It was a decision she and hubby made together. They didn't want their children in daycare and he made enough money.

      Well they got divorced and he now tells his children that he was the one that worked hard and she doesn't deserve any money she gets. Sad because one of the kids believes every word he says. He's a sick, sick man and she's lucky to be rid of him.

      Congratulations on being a stay at home Mom. I vote up on your hub.

    • Sharkye11 profile image

      Jayme Kinsey 

      4 years ago from Oklahoma

      Great hub! And so true (sadly). I HATE the "but what about your dreams/desires/life" question. How do you know this isn't my dream? My life is about so much more than just what job I work or whether or not I have a checking account.

      When we ran into some financial trouble, everyone told me I should go back to being a CNA. That is why I got started working online at home. But even though it paid the bills for a long time, no one considered it a "real job", even though I was doing it as well as all the household management that you mentioned, as well as raising a toddler and being the general maintenance person for the house and yard.

      But being a writer couldn't possible be as big of a life dream as giving showers to elderly people that beat you up while you try to wash their hair. Right.

      Usually, this was always mentioned by someone who either did not have kids, or who had kids that were grown.

      Career moms rock, stay-at-home moms rock, work-at-home moms rock. Moms just rock, regardless of what they choose to do with their lives. Voting up!

    • lydiasayswhat profile image

      L McCarter 

      4 years ago from Murder Mitten Midwest

      Amen, Amen! I am a professional writer but I work from home. Being a stay at home mom is a job enough in itself which explains why I don't get any work done until my little ones alseep! I hate the comments and assumptions that you must have loads of time on your hands. Are you kidding? Have you seen how much daycares make off kids?

      Thanks for the great post!

    • BNadyn profile image


      4 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida

      Well said! Staying at home to care for your children or going to work is a choice that is between you and your family, not something that should be judged by others. I was never one to judge others for staying at home to care for their kids or if they left the house to work instead. My father was a stay-at-home dad during the day while my mom worked and then he would leave at night to go to his job. You do what's best for your family and that's what I learned from my parents. I was surprised at some of the things that were said to me (many of them similar to what you mentioned) when I became a stay-at-home mom. Thanks for discussing and sharing this!

    • stephanie mclain profile image


      4 years ago from Texas

      Some people will never understand why we do what we do. I'm a full time stay at home step-mom. I've actually had people ask me why I would want to stay at home and take care of someone else's children. Of course I gave them an ear full, but as I have taken care of these children for YEARS I don't view them as just "someone else's children!" Thank you for writing and sharing!

    • slackermom profile image

      Lisa Palmer 

      4 years ago from Attapulgus GA

      Bravo! Well said. I've been married for twenty one years and have stayed home for most of them. During that time I have worked a few times, I have attended college and earned a degree. But my choice to work or stay home was always dependent on what was best for MY family. The beauty of the feminist movement was women have the CHOICE to work inside or outside the home. And we all have the right to choose the option that works for our own family and have absolutely no obligation to justify that choice to anyone.

      I wish you and your family all the best. voted up and awesome.

    • Mike Robbers profile image

      Mike Robbers 

      4 years ago from London

      Your advices are really useful ,not only for mothers but also for fathers and men in general, so as to understand better something very important as is the role of a stay-at home-mother.

      Voted up

    • FullOfLoveSites profile image


      4 years ago from United States

      “Don't you think it's selfish to stay at home and free load while the father works all day?”

      It's still work! That's so stupid. You're a mom -- alarm clock, chef, dresser, teacher, disciplinarian, friend. Obviously those who have said that have never been mothers yet themselves. They have no pay, except from hugs and kisses from their children. :)

    • april holland profile image

      April Savage 

      4 years ago from Florida

      Love it!! And you are right, a lot of people just don't get it.

    • VVanNess profile image

      Victoria Van Ness 

      4 years ago from Fountain, CO

      Those that don't or cannot do this themselves just don't understand. :) Kudos for all of your hard work. I'm there with you!

    • VictoriaSheffield profile image

      Author Victoria Sheffield 

      4 years ago from Georgia

      I 100% agree!!!

    • JamiJay profile imageAUTHOR

      Jami Johnson 

      4 years ago from Somewhere amongst the trees in Vermont.

      VictoriaSheffield, I know exactly what you mean! I have heard it all when it comes to staying at home full time, but these where the most common... We are all the same, we all work hard, so others should stop putting the homemakers down and start supporting our lifestyle choice! Being home is give and take (and so is going to work).

    • VictoriaSheffield profile image

      Author Victoria Sheffield 

      4 years ago from Georgia

      I''ve been a stay-at-home mom for 19 years and I am telling you, this article says a mouth full! I've been called lazy and everything else but people like us know that we have the hardest job!! motherhood!!


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