To My Beautiful Unborn Son
The Bond that Never Breaks
I love you already
I became pregnant after a loss I do not wish on anyone. I was apprehensive about having another child- on top of being a little frightened of the pregnancy. My doctors said that they were not sure I would be able to get pregnant/or if I did-carry full term due to multiple issues. They were wrong. I now have two beautiful as well as healthy children. My son is 27 months and my daughter is 17 months. I looked for inspiration from many of places while being pregnant. What I found was-my unborn was my inspiration. I’m not saying I just got pregnant and everything was great-I was very sick through both pregnancies- lots of doctors-lots of hospital stays-and lots of time in bed. I wrote a letter to my son when I was around 6 months pregnant. This was one of those just in case letters (just in case something happens and you don’t get to know me-I want you to know what you meant to me, and how much you have been loved from the start) I also drew this picture, using a permanent marker. Since both the letter and the picture were for him-I combined them together…So that is that.
I think making sure we let the ones that we love-know that we love them is so very important. I know all to well that tomorrow may not bring you another chance. So why not limit the amount of chances you will need and appreciate and love today….
These are my words to my son-whom I will one day give to him to keep, so he will always know how his mother feels about him.
To My Beautiful Unborn Son,
We have not met, yet we know each other already. I feel you move inside of me. You have been the cause of many sleepless nights, uncontrollable heartburn, painful backache, 1am bathroom emergencies, horrible morning sickness that extends through the afternoon and into the night, weekly doctor visits and more happiness than I have ever known.
You are always on my mind and because of you I am a better person. I no longer think as many selfish thoughts, because I think now about you. I dream of your arrival, of holding you in my arms. I imagine late nights, of watching you sleep. I don’t think I will mind having to stay up when you are not willing to rest your eyes. I picture dancing with you while lullabies play in the background. I look forward to bath times-your first words, but I fear the first time you are angry and tell me that you hate me. I want to see the look in your eyes the first time you see the ocean.
I dread having you cry for me, when I am forced to return to work and must leave you with another. Although it shall pain me to walk away with you crying-I am more terrified that you will not cry or mind me leaving. As much as you will need me to care for you-I need you so much more. I don’t care if you have to one day wear glasses or if I will need to put braces on your teeth-your charisma will never alter in my eyes. I hope you will always know that I was the first one to love you-and when you are feeling down-I will be the first one to help you up. I hope you are healthy and happy and realize that you can always come to me, because even though I may be angry-it’s my job to help you fix what may end up broken.
I hope I can show you kindness and teach you respect. I hope that I will know when I should feed you chicken soup-and when I should rush you to the hospital. I hope you never fall down and skin your knees-but when you do, I hope I am there to pick you up and kiss it better. I hope you can see the good in all the people that you meet, but not be taken advantage by the selfishness in them. If you play football, I will be your biggest fan. If you are an artist, I hope you want to paint with me. I hope you are determined, curious and eager-but also calm, caring and fearful. No matter what characteristics you may portray, I think you are absolutely perfect in each and every way.
You are my miracle-I hope you know that- the doctors told me a baby is not in your future. That sickness had destroyed my chances of ever being able to carry full term. I was warned not to get attached, but I know it’s too late for that, because I will not, not love you and dream of you. I hope you know that I love you more than any silly fantasy I have ever had-and I will love you more each day, it matters not to me if you are behaving perfectly or behaving bad. You have given me hope-and are the definitely something I have done right. I warn you now-you may have to teach me too, I am not sure I will always know what to do, but because of you-I will try, and I am convinced that you alone, have saved my life. Your innocence I admire, and I am now stronger of a person than I was before. So thank you my son-I can’t wait until you are here, to meet you and squeeze you, and guide you through many, many years.
Your Adoring Mother
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