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When my mother told me about my REAL father.....

Updated on February 20, 2013
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Paternity

The day mom told me....

I've explained in other hubs I've written, that I did not know who my father was for most of my life. At 23 years old my mother decided to finally tell me. She called me on the phone one day and said, "We have to talk about something. I don't want to tell you in person so I'll tell you when you get here." The upcoming weekend, my husband and I packed up our two small children and took the hour and a half drive to my mother's house.

When we got there, mom told us to sit down. My younger sister was also there. Mom proceeded to tell me that the man she told me was my father my entire life, wasn't my father. He was my sisters father, but not mine. The first thing I did was jump up and point at my sister and say, "I told you this would happen." I guess I didn't really know how to feel at the time, but I was definitely confused, to say the least.

I asked my mother who he was, but all she could remember was his name. I found that a little fishy since she, on countless occasions, pointed out where everyone in their town lived, back in the 70's. She didn't remember if he had family or what their names were. She wasn't even sure of the spelling of his name.

Finding Papa

Long story short (you can read more about them in my other family hubs) a stranger helped me find my fathers family 2 1/2 years ago, my very first day on a new job! It was the craziest and most exciting day of my life! The saddest part of it all, my father had passed away two years prior to the phone call.

This January (two years after I began talking to my fathers family) I had the opportunity to go out to Oregon (from Minnesota) and meet his wife of 30 years and their four children. I'd never been up in a plane, and I'd never been out of my tri-state area. I flew 1,500 miles, halfway across the country, alone. But I didn't feel alone for long.

I had never felt like I'd felt being there in a house with my four brothers and sister and their families. They were so receptive to me, and loving. I was told several times, by their friends and family that I'd met, that I looked just like the family (and my father). It was so endearing, I'll never forget those words. I longed, every moment of my childhood, to have a father, brothers, and maybe even another sister. I got those things, finally.

I sensed a little apprehension from my fathers wife (my step-mother) and my two younger brothers (ages 19 and 23 now). But I don't blame them in many ways. The youngest one has had the hardest time, and the longest amount of time without papa. I think he probably suffers in some different ways than the other kids who had more time with him. But, soon will come the day when I finally get a paternity test. The final moment of truth. Nobody will have room to deny or question again. That, for me, will change my life forever. Even though I felt so "at-home" in Oregon, and have a very tight relationship with my new sister, I need that truth. I need that proof.

I've been through some things over the last decade or so and have been through moments where I just wanted to give up. But I have to tell everyone in the world right now, never give up hope! Granted, I waited a long time for this good news but I'm so glad that I didn't fold like a cheap suit. Good things DO come to those who wait. Granted, I'm still waiting on that test, but the relationship I have emotionally, with my new siblings, is unmatched. There's no way we couldn't be related. But I now know that my life will be happy again. I will be happy again. My children will be happy again. I will be loved again. I have my father around me 24/7 now, that's all I can ask of God. My siblings and step-mother gave me papa's favorite sweatshirt and I can't tell you how much that one small material item of his, has changed me.

I'll be getting that paternity test soon.Wish me luck!

Never give up! Joe Dirt said it best, "you gotta keep on keepin' on".

Comments

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    • MissJamieD profile imageAUTHOR

      MissJamieD 

      5 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      I would definitely keep trying to get ahold of her. I don't know why people think it's necessary to wait until 18, maybe because they're out on their own typically and it won't affect the present family as much. But I would not wait. I would try to talk to the mother, if she ignores you, research other ways to speak with the child. If he's the father he has every legal right to see her....he can take her to court. I wish you the best, these are tough things to go through, for everyone involved. But once he gets to see his child, he will be so happy he did the work, and of course the child will as well. You must try. I wish you the best:)

    • profile image

      April 

      5 years ago

      Hi Jamie, My brother is a father, he just found out he has a 10 year old, The mother wont contact us, i tried, I dont want to blow up this little girls world, should we try now? Or wait til shes 18??Need so much help:(

    • MissJamieD profile imageAUTHOR

      MissJamieD 

      5 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Thank you Vicki!! I wrote a hub about the DNA test results and they are my siblings and he was my real father:) I'm going to write about my experiences in Oregon very soon it's just very emotional. Thank you for being so sweet and reading my story:)

    • profile image

      Vickiw 

      5 years ago

      Hello Jamie D, this is such a bittersweet ending to your search. So sad that you didn't meet your father, but at least you do have loving siblings, and feel close to them. I admire your persistence, and will join in the cheers when you get the result of the test! Glad that I happened on your heartfelt story, and I will think of you, and follow your story.

    • fits4life profile image

      Cherri Brown-Jett 

      8 years ago from Richmond

      I'm glad I read this hub. I wasn't on HP when you wrote this, but I do have a hub about fathers. So many children do not know their fathers and it has such an impact on our society. I pray everything is well with you now.

    • MissJamieD profile imageAUTHOR

      MissJamieD 

      8 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Bertiebrite--I'm sorry to hear your story. I hope you can share more in the future about your feelings on this subject. I know it always makes me feel better, knowing there are other people in the world like me. Hugs

    • Bertiebrite profile image

      Bertiebrite 

      8 years ago from New Jersey

      My father was known to me, but lost to me just the same. Hope all goes well for you, Blessings

    • pkoson profile image

      pkoson 

      9 years ago

      To hear the truth

      Please revisit the last hub I started. I think it will make a little more sense.

    • MissJamieD profile imageAUTHOR

      MissJamieD 

      9 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Thank you everyone! As always, I appreciate the support. I probably seem quite needy to some, and maybe I am, but I take every piece of advice to heart from all of you:) You're the sweetest bunch of peaches!

    • AEvans profile image

      Julianna 

      9 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

      I wish you all of the best and that will give you complete closure!:)

    • profile image

      jjrubio 

      9 years ago

      How wonderful you found your family...I am sorry he passed away. And yes one material possesion from someone we love can mean so very much.....GOOD HUB!

    • goldentoad profile image

      goldentoad 

      9 years ago from Free and running....

      fingers crossed

    • MissJamieD profile imageAUTHOR

      MissJamieD 

      9 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Thanks so much Ivor and Cindy--I'll be sure to post it here ASAP!! I appreciate the support as usual.

      Ivor, I'll be getting back to you tomorrow sweetie:)

    • cindyvine profile image

      Cindy Vine 

      9 years ago from Cape Town

      Good luck! Will be thinking of you and we'll crack open the champagne when you get the results. My eldest daughter has never known her father and has often expressed the desire to meet him. Unfortunately, I have no clue where he is, but from a young age I did give her his name and all the photos I had of him.

    • Ivorwen profile image

      Ivorwen 

      9 years ago from Hither and Yonder

      Wishing you luck, Girl!

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