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Don't hide your children's paternity! You will regret it.

Updated on February 5, 2013

Not knowing, hurts

Check out Dr. Phil's Family First Book

Tell children who their father is!

Should you tell your children about their biological father? I know first hand that the answer is YES!

I lived my entire life not knowing my father. When I finally found his family, he had passed away two years earlier. My mother had my whole life to tell me who he was so that I could've had a good life with him in it. But she AND her entire family chose not to tell me. I still don't know why.

Even if your childs father is nothing to brag about, or even if he made it clear that he doesn't care about his child, TELL THEM! They have every right in the world to know, and you're playing God by not disclosing this information.

I am lucky, my father was an incredible father, husband, and friend. I have four siblings that I could've grown up with and had a good life with. MY life was not good at all. Too many horrible things happened to me, and I know that If I would've had my father, my life would've been better. Not to say that bad things wouldn't have happened, but I would've had that support system to carry me through.

If the father of your children is not a good person, or if he wasn't a good person when you were together, so what! Your children have a right to know who he is. They need to know who he is. Maybe his family would welcome the children. But even so, medical history is a very important bit of information to have also. It can mean life or death in some situations!

If you don't know who the father is, find out! Do everything in your power to find out! It's your responsibility!

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 6 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Excellent article and I totally agree. I was adopted and my parents told me at an early age and it was the best thing they could have done for me. My sister had a child out of wedlock and she was always honest with her daughter about it. These are issues that the child can sense anyway, and without an honest discussion about it the child can feel inadequate and somehow to blame for a myriad of things. You are right on!

    • Shahid Bukhari profile image

      Shahid Bukhari 7 years ago from My Awareness in Being.

      From the Icon, it appears, what you have sought refuge in ...

      And

      I am only suggesting ... in giving you a Purpose in Life ... Do something ... you seem to have an excellent writing ability ... you can express your feelings, and communicate ... why not channelize it in the right direction ...

      I don't say you become a Muslim, or a good Christian or Jewess ... I am just saying ... why not be the Founder of a Campaign against out of wedlock childbearing ... just because the false secular laws require you to be at least 18, and there are these freedoms of sex, with Consent, and such allowances ... permitting homosexuality ... and social stigma ?

      Start a campaign against this nefarious activity ... your bearing orphans whose dads are alive ... for you both have had your jollies ... but whats the Child's fault ? ... Do not take away a human's Right to Belong, to his or her Parents ... and to heck with the laws stopping you from doing so.

    • MissJamieD profile image
      Author

      MissJamieD 9 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      RooBee--You're right, it is NOT okay to hide this information, no matter what. I don't want to hear excuses from any mother or father who kept their other parent a secret. Parents need to stop the selfishness and stop playing games because they're hurt. I'm glad to know that some people actually agree with me, that there is NO reason to keep this from a child. As I said in the hub, even if the other parent is a deadbeat, your child will forever appreciate you for allowing them the truth. Thanks for reading RooBee:) Nice to see you!

    • RooBee profile image

      RooBee 9 years ago from Here

      I agree and have seen this painful situation more than once. Whatever the intentions in doing so, it is not okay to deny a child such knowledge.

    • MissJamieD profile image
      Author

      MissJamieD 9 years ago from Minnes-O-ta

      Exactly CS Alexis! Thank you:)

    • C.S.Alexis profile image

      C.S.Alexis 9 years ago from NW Indiana

      Yes, I agree that it is best to know who the parents are but it is also best to take life as it comes and deal with whatever you have. "What ifs" and "could have beens" are a hindrance to personal growth. Look forward and learn from the past. Holding on to pain does not help anything.

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