To the parent who made me feel like I was just money
To the parent who made me feel like I was just money. I love you. But making me feel like I was just some money that came out of your paycheck really hurts. All I wanted was for you to be there. But it seemed as though, you were annoyed at the fact that you had money coming out of your hard earned paycheck. I know you have a family of your own to support, but that doesn't mean that I'm not your child too.
Growing up, people would ask who you were and why they had never seen you around before or a lot. I would tell them that my parents are divorced and that would be the end of it. I thought it was cool to have two birthdays, two Christmases, etc. but it isn't. Not if two people can't co-parent. It's miserable.
For years I've tried to figure out how to make it easier and not to see what was so clearly in front of me. I wanted you to love me for who I am. I know you tell me you love me and I believe you. But the way you talk about people like me, makes me wonder.
It hurts knowing that you never really got to know me. The real me. Do you know my favorite color? My favorite song? How I'm doing in school? Or the person I'm in love with? All I've ever wanted was a relationship with you.
But I am so proud of you. My younger siblings know who both of their parents are and know they are loved. I'm so proud of you for learning how to be a parent and to be a care taker. Maybe one day we'll be able to have a normal parent/ child relationship. Until then, I hope it makes you happy that no more money is coming out of your paycheck.