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To the woman I love but will never know

Updated on November 18, 2013
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I have never really thought about what I would say to you if we ever met face to face, until recently. We were just flutters in each other's lives that will forever be finger printed on each other's hearts. I think about you every day and hope that you do too, in the same way, with love and admiration.

When you were fifteen, you gave birth to a little girl that was sick and too small. I want you to know that I am now twenty-four years old and have overcome all of those obstacles and so many more with stride through the support of a loving family that I am with thanks to you. You gave me the best gift in the world when you decided to not keep me as your daughter and I thank you every day for your selflessness.

I have always been terrified that my image of you that I have built up over the years is just a fantasy. I vision you as a strong young woman with beautiful children, a loving husband, and a lovely home filled with happiness and warmth.

I grew up in South Florida with the most amazing parents and extended family that a child could ask for. When I was younger I loved to ride horses and played the drums. I got almost all A's all the way through high school. I went to college but decided that I was happier in the work force. I am blessed to live a full, happy life still in South Florida. I have an amazing boyfriend that I plan to spend the rest of my life with. Through him and my family I am loved and supported. I could not imagine my life any different or better.

If there was one thing that I would want you to know is that I am loved. That I am right where God wanted me to be and that you were the first person to ever help me reach this amazing life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. As I get older and start to think about having a family of my own, I think about you more. I do not wish to meet you face to face at this time because even though I grew in your stomach and you brought me into this world, I believe our journey together had come to an end in that hospital room. I am my parents' daughter and you helped me get to them and I love you so much for that.

I hope that your feel the same way and that if you ever do read this that it finds your well and loved. I also hope that you understand my reasoning behind my feelings and if they are not shared, at least, they are respected.

With all of my love, Kristen Hope Mazzola


Crashing Back Down by Author Kristen Hope Mazzola, her debut novel, is now LIVE!! Don't miss out on this awesome read!

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UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00GG1KREQ
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      Andy 4 years ago

      I think even in your, possibly mutual desire to not talk, there is so much to talk about. I am sure their are good reasons for both of you to to not communicate as well as healthy reasons both pro and con. I do applaud your position.

    • profile image

      Strumrgrl 4 years ago

      What a beautiful story and message. You've said what many adoptive children rarely say in fear they will hurt their parents. But once open and embraced, sending words of gratitude to the person who gave you life and then blessed you with a loving family when they could not, must surely comfort them. Well done, very well written and clearly a compassionate subject matter for anyone who reads it.

    • khmazz profile image
      Author

      Kristen Mazzola 4 years ago from South Florida

      Thank you for your kind words! They truly touch my heart!

    • khmazz profile image
      Author

      Kristen Mazzola 4 years ago from South Florida

      Thank you for your comment, for reading and the support! It means the world to me!

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      Christina 4 years ago

      You couldn't have said it better. I feel the same way!

    • Beltane73 profile image

      Holly Kline 4 years ago from South Jersey

      Kristen, this is just lovely. I have a number of friends who are adopted, and I know how they have gone through so many similar feelings. I appreciate you sharing and wish you all the best!

    • khmazz profile image
      Author

      Kristen Mazzola 4 years ago from South Florida

      Thank you again Beltane73 for reading and sharing such kind words!

    • Mommy Needs a Nap profile image

      Michelle Clairday 4 years ago from Arkansas

      Absolutely beautiful. As a mom of 6 children who God brought to me through adoption, I pray my kids feel this way. Great job.

    • khmazz profile image
      Author

      Kristen Mazzola 4 years ago from South Florida

      Thank you so much! You're children seem blessed to have you as their mom as I am sure you feel about having them as your children! Take care and much love to another family brought together through such a beautiful journey!

    • Thundermama profile image

      Catherine Taylor 4 years ago from Canada

      Wow, thank you for sharing such a personal and heartfelt letter. As the parent of three adopted girls I commend you on the positive way you view being adopted. I can only hope my children feel the same way that you do when they are older. Beautiful!

    • khmazz profile image
      Author

      Kristen Mazzola 4 years ago from South Florida

      Thank you so much, Thandermama! I am sure your children will have a beautiful view on the formation of your family from the loving way you view your family!

    • Levertis Steele profile image

      Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

      While reading your letter to your biological mom, I was so, so emotional, choked up and wanted to cry. Your message was sadly sweet.

      When I was fifteen, I could not have raised a child because I did not have a home of my own, I did not have a job or money because I was in school and too young. I did not have a car, and I did not have the readiness for acquiring parental skills. A baby born to me would have been in a terrible situation. My dad was dead, and mom worked hard, long hours to take care of seven children. No, I was not ready, nor was I married, nor did I have a boyfriend. I was a child.

      Before I retired, I worked in a position where I served lots of children and families. Young girls who had babies had to do whatever parents said was best because they were powerless to do anything but depend on parents. Many parents coaxed their young daughters to abort, some had them give up their babies, some kept the babies and helped the girls raise them, and some parents took on the children as their own. Many girls whose parents kept their babies often endured fingers of blame and shame, nagging, I-told-you-so’s, and endless lectures. Who knows what position your mom was in? One thing for sure, she was a child. You were blessed that you were allowed to live. Because you were born sick, your mom probably suffered much, was likely not properly nourished due to depression, and did not have good pre-natal care. Yes, you were a blessed one, and I am so happy for you that you are able to see that. Your adoptive parents and family are angels! I am happy for you.

      Enjoy the rest of your life!

    • khmazz profile image
      Author

      Kristen Mazzola 4 years ago from South Florida

      Thank you for your emotional and heartfelt comment. In my case, I received no prenatal care because I was not known about. My biological mother had no knowledge that she was about to give birth until an ultra sound made my heart beat be heard for the first time. This is also why I was no aborted. I was not "allowed" by any sense of that word, because I was a mystery. I am blessed for the circumstances of my birth. The position that my biological family was in was not of a struggling family. These are the things I am aware of.

    • Creative SparxX profile image

      Creative SparxX 4 years ago

      Hello! Thank you for sharing your amazing story. I too was adopted and am the same age you are. I chose to meet my birth mother when I turned 18 and she got out of jail. Yes, jail. I was very disappointed in her and how she acted but that made me so much more grateful for the loving family I was adopted into. I still cant decide whether or not I regret the decision to meet her because I almost would have rather not known. I know the emotions you go through being adopted so stay strong girl.

    • khmazz profile image
      Author

      Kristen Mazzola 4 years ago from South Florida

      Hey! Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I cannot imagine how hard meeting your biological mother must have been in those circumstances. I am so glad that you were adopted and in a loving family instead of being with the alternative, I think that might be where you comfort will settle in this aftermath of knowing. Regretting your decision will only be a burden to you in the feature, just take comfort in knowing you wont have the questions anymore. =) Thanks again for stopping by my hub! Take care love!

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