ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Toddlers Please Slow Down

Updated on April 19, 2017
Source
Enjoy it while it lasts toddlers because life is nothing but chains, government chains, safety chains even trees are not free.  they put them in chains.
Enjoy it while it lasts toddlers because life is nothing but chains, government chains, safety chains even trees are not free. they put them in chains. | Source

Toddlers will not be so eager to leave their strollers and run around the house and shopping malls if they knew what life is all about.

Toddlers are the original revolutionaries. They do not want to be chained to car seats and their mothers’ backs. They toddle about until they fall flat on their bums or faces.

Some wail and holler in pain. Others surprise you because they look at you and smile. Precocious little things!

http://nonqaba-cinemamytake.blogspot.ca/2014/07/zulu-24-crying.html

Speed Limit

But seriously toddlers, let’s talk about your complete disregard for the speed limit. What is the rush really? Do you live in Bulgaria where the speed limit is 140 km/h?

It is because you don’t know what you are getting yourself into. Being an adult is like being in prison, with all kinds of chains that are supposed to protect adults from themselves.

I see you running about at the mall until you hit a shopper who is depressed because her credit card has been declined.

Of course she smiles because you toddlers are so adorable but in real life, that would be an accident, which involves hospital bills, unless you live in Canada where most health care is free. That is not completely true however because the government gets the money from taxes.

It is a mean world out there full of stop signs, yield signs, and traffic lights that flash green, amber and red.

Toddlers, reduce the speed. You are not on the no speed limit section of the German autobahn.
Toddlers, reduce the speed. You are not on the no speed limit section of the German autobahn. | Source

Warning All Toddlers

Now toddlers listen up! Here are some reasons why you should slow down and delay your attempt to walk and run, whichever comes first.

  1. Your destination – being adults – is a world of limitations, governed by pieces of paper that determine where and how you sleep, wake up, eat, work or play. It is called legislation or the law.

  2. ‘Big Brother’ (Canadian, American, Chinese governments etc.) has already given you a Social Insurance Number or National Insurance Number which will track all your antics and misdemeanours, at home and abroad.

  3. You also need another piece of paper called money, to eat, play and pray (religion is big business), so you better appreciate your parents for now.

  4. You toddlers do not like wearing clothes. You are always topless during the summer. In winter, you drop your mittens and size zero shoes all over public areas and at home. The government doesn’t like that. All body parts should be covered. They will charge you with public indecency or worse. Office blocks too. Most people are expected to wear a suit and tie.

  5. I know that being tied to a stroller during the formative years of your life has created a phobia for belts across your body but you need to put on that seat belt. Your motor insurance insists, so do municipal, provincial and government laws.

  6. When you grow up, do not even consider driving and zipping up and down highways. In a country like Canada, the Motor Vehicle Act tells you how fast or slow you should drive. You cannot step up on the gas at 50 km/h near schools. Go live in Germany if you like driving. You will have fun changing gears on the autobahn system of roads, especially those that have no speed limit. Contrary to popular opinion, the whole system is not speed limit free.

  7. You toddlers think you are clever, crying to get attention for food or diaper change. You stand in line in the real world and wait for your turn or take a number to buy croissants or fish. It is quite common in Winnipeg to see pedestrians waiting in line for traffic lights to turn green.

  8. You better enjoy Gigabytes, the family dog as much as you can because you cannot take him anywhere. Apartment buildings and commercial places have a pet policy you know.

  9. Do not smile at strangers. I know it is a baby thing, but it could lead to complications later in your life. People in the bus, Toronto Transit Commission subway, Metro in Paris or London Underground do not smile. That is the real deal. There is absolutely nothing to smile about.

  10. Taxes. Canada Revenue Agency or the IRS? Toddlers, let me warn you. There is no place to hide from the taxman. Oprah Winfrey once told viewers that the IRS visits Harpo Productions so often, she has a room for them when they drop by. Governments want a cut of any money you make from a car plant or import and export business. They say they provide airports, roads, buildings, telecommunications and other infrastructure you need to run a business or earn an income.

Mama put cooked lentils in the blender for you.  Stop spitting the soup out of your mouth.  Toddlers beware!  It's a harsh world out there!
Mama put cooked lentils in the blender for you. Stop spitting the soup out of your mouth. Toddlers beware! It's a harsh world out there! | Source

Food

Now toddlers, what’s up with playing with food? I’ve seen you pushing it out of your mouth with a knowing smile, or just spit it out on your worse days.

You do that because you have a wide choice. You might not have that in the real world. Most people who live on boxes of macaroni and cheese do that because of cash flows, or should we say the flows have stopped?

Stop playing with your cereal and get used to grandma’s grits. Just add some honey and a slice of whole wheat toast and you have the energy you need. Who knows? You might be too poor to buy cereal for your own kids.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)