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Training Bra Chronicles: Booby Wars!

Updated on August 28, 2012
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I am one lucky lady. I have three wonderful daughters who are the bees knees as far as I’m concerned. That being said, I am no fool. I know I’m on the precipice of some pretty rocky times ahead. When my husband tells people that we have three girls close in age, they offer him their condolences and ask if he has a basement with a locking door. There’s no denying it, the next six to eight years may be more about survival than anything else.

Booby Wars!

Our oldest daughter, who recently turned twelve, is “developing.” She is pretty relaxed about the whole process now thanks to the purchase of a few hoodie sweat shirts, but when her body first started changing things got a little crazy at our house.

It all began with her cornering me in the laundry room about six months ago.

“Mom I need to show you something, I think something’s wrong.” I was expecting a sliver or a hangnail, she’s a bit of a hypochondriac, but instead I was faced with some serious nudity. I tried hard not to laugh.

Lesson #1: Never laugh. Everything is life and death when you are a girl between the ages of ten and eighteen. Seriously laughing at them just pisses them off.

“They’re not the same,” she was pointing to her breasts and no they were not the same. My little girl was growing up.

“That’s normal hon.” I find myself saying this on a daily basis to all three of them, not that it helps.

Lesson #2: Nothing is normal. They are the first one anything has ever happened to and should be treated as such. A parent requires a constant look of shock and sympathy when anything is being related to them by a tween girl.

“Are you sure?” She looked like I was totally feeding her a line.

“No woman’s boobs are the same size, perfect symmetry only exists on Barbie.” She gave me that confused “I just smelled dog poo” look and left the room. Great now Barbie-like perfection has been introduced as a goal. Crap!

So I resorted to what any educated, bewildered mom would do and I ordered a book online about girls and their bodies and asked all three of my daughters to sit down with me and have a look at it. Big mistake!


Lesson #3: It’s a younger sisters’ duty to tease their older sister mercilessly. Do not give them extra ammo.

So we cracked open the book and headed straight to the “Your changing body,” section. For the record, when I purchased this book, I thought it was a masterpiece, a tomb that had every answer to my daughters’ upcoming uncomfortable questions, with accompanying pictures. I never thought it might be wielded as a weapon of mass humiliation. Silly, naïve me.

Our younger daughters are ten-year-old twins and I think there may be some validity to the whole “evil twin” concept. They just take turns being the evil one. This time it was the smaller of the two

After our lovely mother-daughters chat I put the book on the bookshelf and encouraged my girls to pull it out anytime and wandered away feeling like my “World’s best Mom,” mug was sure to be on its way. I really should have thought out that whole “pull it out anytime” comment a little better.


Lesson #4 Be specific. It will bite you in the butt otherwise.

That evening we had friends over for dinner, and you can just guess what book got trotted out for all to see. But wait, it gets better. As if my oldest daughter’s cheeks weren’t red enough, the evil twin for the day thought it might be a good idea to flip to the page depicting how your breasts develop and ask people what they thought her older sisters’ boobies looked like? She had a picture picked out but wanted a second opinion. See Lesson #3.

Needless to say our house was a bit of a booby battle ground for a few days after that. Surprisingly the book remains on the shelf for all to see, but a discussion about appropriate viewing times has since been had. My husband is considering moving to the barn until they all turn twenty-one.

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    • Brittany Daniel profile image

      Brittany Daniel 5 years ago from Cary, NC

      I'm on the cusp of this battle as well. My daughters are 8 and 9 right now, and I just bought the 9-year-old a "cup bra." (I didn't know they came that small!!) She didn't seem shy about it...not yet. But I feel it coming. Thank you for this! It brought a few laughs and notes-to-self.

    • Thundermama profile image
      Author

      Catherine Taylor 5 years ago from Canada

      Thanks Brittany. It is shocking how small bras come these days and how early puberty starts for some. Glad I could bring some laughter to what may be some trying times ahead.

    • DanaTeresa profile image

      Dana Strang 5 years ago from Ohio

      This is great. I love how you give a lighthearted approach to such a touchy subject. It is fun to read yet educational. And thanks for the terminology. I happen to love the word booby. It is just non-offensive and non-scientific enough to use in many situations! Thank goodness for me I went to an all girls private school. No boys to tease us and plenty of girls to talk abou this stuff with. But I still has the same PANIC ABOUT THE UNEVEN SIZES that your daughter did. If its "normal" why don't we all know about it! I would suggest to moms to TELL YOUR DAUGHTERS about this phenomenon before they even have time to question it. Maybe when you are buying the first bra. And now that I am an adult my boobies are noticeabley uneven, and I have embraced it. Why the heck not, I'm certainly not gonna change it! VOTED UP!

    • Thundermama profile image
      Author

      Catherine Taylor 5 years ago from Canada

      Thanks Dana! I questioned whether I should include the uneven element in this hub, but it's true for us all so I'm with you, we should embrace it and be honest about it with our daughters from day one. Hooray for boobies!

    • deannachase profile image

      deannachase 5 years ago from Bowling Green Ohio

      I had to read this to my husband. We're both still cracking up. Well done and voted up!

    • profile image

      brokenwingsautism 5 years ago

      I am giving this to my best friend. She just had to buy her daughter a bigger bra and was amazed at how much bigger the middle school child is than she is. She will love this.

    • Thundermama profile image
      Author

      Catherine Taylor 5 years ago from Canada

      Thanks Deanna a brokenwing!

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      This is funny. My 15 year old is already bigger than I am and wants a reduction. DD is not comfortable for her and the guys follow her around drooling. She feels like she is being hunted. I sicced her big brothers on these guys and told her brothers to ensure that she is treated with respect. Your husband will be building a gun turret and living in it when they start their menses.

    • Thundermama profile image
      Author

      Catherine Taylor 5 years ago from Canada

      Wow, poor kid, that's a lot to handle at 15. Yes my husband is planning on carrying around a baseball bat at the very least for the next 10 years.

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      Thank God for three older protective brothers. They keep her pure whether she wants to or not.

    • profile image

      The lady on Bedell... 5 years ago

      OMG - I am laughing SO hard. I had no idea you were such a writer; wit, yes, writing, no. However, knowing you (and the girls) well....Wow. I will have to remember to keep a straight face (Lesson #1) next time we are together and NOT ask about the book. mwahahahaha.....or maybe I should.

      Can't wait to read the next instalment! xx

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 4 years ago from North Texas

      Interesting hub. Afraid all the stories I hear from people about their teenagers and 2 years olds (terrible two's) make no sense to me because neither I, nor my daughter ever went through such things.

      I do hear from other parents sometimes who say their kids never went through these things, and I can identify with those parents, but most parents are either dreading the terrible two's or the terrible tweens and/or teens, or claim to be in the middle of them. I'm curious to know what causes some children to experience them while others do not.

      Voted you up and interesting!

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