Tips of How to Resolve a Conflict and Restore a Broken Relationship
The main aim as to why people solve conflicts and mend relationships is to make peace with those around them. We often misunderstand what peace-making is all about. It's not about appeasing someone we have offended nor is it about avoiding people we've wronged. Appeasing and avoidance are in simple terms referred to as coward ways of solving a conflict. It is called co-dependancy.
Do we need Peacemakers in our world today?
During earlier and today's generation, there has been a state of mismatch and misunderstandings and people engaging in different conflicts not to find a lasting solution. We've witnessed conflicts between nations, generations, sexes, religions, political parties, cultures, families, rich and poor, men and women, work colleagues and many more. We definitely need a way to solve the conflicts between nations and our personal lives and solve the broken relationships.
1) Make The First Move
It doesn't matter if you were the first one to be wronged or not. Making the first move is a bold and brave idea of intelligence. Conflicts are not just resolved accidentally rather intentionally. So you gonna make the move. This is not to say that time heals everything. For instance, if you get shot you'll need to rush to the hospital to heel the wound. Hence, the only way to resolve conflict is to face it. The more insecure you are the more defensive you are and what makes you have a feer. Have the courage from love to face your dad, mom, sister, spouse or workmate whom you've wronged or who've wronged you.
2) Know When and Where to Call the Shot
Create an appropriate time and place to initiate the conversation. Make sure it's a quiet place and where you'll encounter minimum or no distraction. Believe me not that when you bring the issue publicly in front of your friends, family or workmates, then the person you are addressing will take you for granted and somehow you won't meet the core goal of solving the conflict. This will give you a humble time to discourse into great depths to find lasting solutions.
3) Begin With What's My Fault
Even if the conflict is 99.99% their fault, you have to find something to first confess even if it was in your defensive position. The fact you were the one wronged we shall get to that, but first have your confession instead of accusing, excusing yourself or attacking other people, I first look at what's going on inside me. During this time we put aside our ego, pride, and self-centeredness to avoid the feeling of bitterness as it is always more rewarding to resolve a conflict than to dissolve a relationship. The secret sense that will break a log-junk when solving a conflict I to say "I am sorry, I was only thinking of myself"
4) Listen for their hurt and perspective
Every time there is a conflict somebody gets their feelings hurt and it's not about the idea but it is the emotions that get hurt. The most negative individuals need people to listen to them to cool them and when people realize that they are not listened to they get mad. Listen to the emotions behind their words. In short, be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. When you listen to people you'll listen to their hurt and perspective. Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.
5) Speak The Truth Tactfully
Don't just say it the way it is because you are hurt. That shows that you don't care about other people's feelings, you just care about yourself and letting it out. Speak the truth in love. For instance, when a parent speaks to the kids while yelling then the kids will only listen to the emotions and not the words. They will only remember the emotions, not the words. This is because people are never persuasive when they are aggressive. Do not use harmful words.
6) Fix The Problem, Not The Blame
Learn to attack the issue, not the blame. Never try to intimidate anyone with anger. For example, "you are just like..." Don't use harsh words when fixing the problem. Don't say things that are intentionally designed to hurt like labeling, belittling or psychologizing.
It is important for people to employ such better tactics to solve conflicts and restore relationships by not necessarily having to worsen the situation but maintaining a high level of wisdom to our actions and words. By so doing, we become agents of reconciliations and bridge builders, not wall builders by solving the conflicts.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2019 Dennis Omondi