ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Trip to the Zoo

Updated on December 27, 2009

Come on Kids Let's go.....


I always thought I married a girl who was not a country hick despite the fact she is from the backwoods of Pelham Alabama. When she was growing up, Pelham was no more than a spec on the map out by some trees on a hill.

She has always exhibited normal behavior and has developed a fine fake voice for answering the phone without saying the stereotypical, "Yellohh" when answering the phone. Knowing all this which I know, I have always thought in the back of my mind, "One day she will slip up and the country hick will come spilling out like the big bowl of Jello the kids didn't wait to gel properly."

After 17 years the unthinkable finally happened. I was stationed in Salt Lake City on a top secret mission which was turning into a never ending cycle of calamity. (see The Joke an epic saga penned by me) Frank, my roommate on the mission, and I had just returned from our quest for the Crispy Fish Taco and some Diet Dew when I logged onto the Internet to speak with my wife via the MySpace Instant Messenger, before we went to bed for the evening. We began small chit – chat about the days events.

Out of nowhere she says, "I took the kids to the Zoo today." I know my lovely wife knows absolutely nothing about traveling the bumpy, pothole ridden streets of Birmingham. I was thinking to myself, "I wonder who drove you, because I know you lady, and you couldn't find the Zoo if the little train that runs through the Zoo made a stop at our dwelling and took you directly there."

My next question of course was deflected by my instantaneous anger at the thought of my missing a trip to the Zoo with my family because of this mission to Utah. Even though this mission is directly involved with national security and our nations sovereignty, I was still upset. I gathered myself, and let the anger go and asked a pertinent question, "In Birmingham?"

Her response to my query was one of seriousness and also the source of my accusations of the spillage of hickdom spewing forth. Without hesitation she replies, "No goofy, in Columbiana." Again, this reply causes me to think to myself with many questions and more than a few inquiries into this odd statement.

Columbiana is where I was a patrolman for over 2 years. Not once did I roll up to a Zoo. I thought to myself for a minute and decided she must be referring to a rodeo or something of that nature which may have come to town for a day or two. Before I could get my educated guess typed into the Messenger, she replies again as if I am a big ole' fat dummy, "I took the kids to the Humane Society today."

There you have it, my wife is exactly what Jeff Foxworthy has been saying for years. "If your kids think a trip to the Zoo, is going to look at the animals in a cage at the Humane might be a redneck."


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)