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Twigs and Pebbles
What often starts as Twigs and Pebbles...
Can you remember as a child getting your feelings hurt? It hurt so bad to have a friend say something derogatory or to see your best friend scheming against you. Sometimes you would cry and would feel so lonely not having a true friend you felt you could confide in. Often you could not get the thought out of your mind, and you were ashamed to tell anyone. If an adult were to ask what was wrong, you might say, “nothing.” You had a hurt and no one else could help; you retire to your own little shell and find no comfort being alone in your dilemma. You feel small, incomplete, abandoned, beaten! “Don’t talk to me, leave me alone…” What starts out as just Twigs and Pebbles may turn to Sticks and Stones if left unchecked.
Sticks and stones may break my bones...
When you’re a child and the first time this happens you are terrified. It may start out as being jeered or heckled. And it doesn’t get better the older you get; generally it gets worse. You are just more sensitive to each and every situation, and soon you mull over little rhymes you first heard as children like, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me,” …but they do. Some feel the pain so keenly that they in fact declare and resolve to never condemn someone else like what has happened to them, not wanting to cause pain like they’ve experienced themselves. Yet on the other hand, some ‘friends’ tend to sympathize with those suffering the humiliation and all the while are inserting a a knife in their back and laughing at them at the same time. We’ve recently heard that some young people have even committed suicide because of the effects of peer pressure.
Where you ever teased as a child?
“Just because someone says something, don’t make it so”
As a child I remember the rest of the kids ganging up on me and ridiculing me for my freckles, having blonde hair and because my dad was older than their dad. He knew I was hurting and he sat me down on the back steps and had a little talk with me. I’ve never forgotten what he told me that day. “Just because someone says something, don’t make it so,” he told me. He also said that when others talk about someone else it is because of their own insecurity and he better not every hear of me talking down someone because of a disability, a handicap or a deformity. “Talking about others behind their back is cheap, and we don’t do that, if you don’t respond to this bulling, they will eventually leave you alone and start on someone else,” he said. He was right about all of it. If I just didn’t say anything; if I just ignored the bully he would see it wasn’t getting him anywhere and he would generally leave me alone after a while.
Narcissism is not a new term
Later, in college I ran across this developmental problem while studying psychology and my mind was carried back to my own childhood. I found out that the basis for this type of behavior is deeply rooted in children’s minds early in life and if not recognized and dealt with could later develop into much greater problems as the child matures. Narcissism is certainly not a new term but I have seen the effects of its grip on adults at work and even in the descriptive character of those in the news. It is a growing problem and studies are ongoing as to the effects of negative feelings toward others as being one way of trying to elevate one’s own ego and status among friends and within society. This super-ego mentality can lead to criminal activities if not recognized and controlled at an earlier correctible age…
© 2010 SamSonS