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Twigs and Pebbles

Updated on August 11, 2012

What often starts as Twigs and Pebbles...

Can you remember as a child getting your feelings hurt? It hurt so bad to have a friend say something derogatory or to see your best friend scheming against you. Sometimes you would cry and would feel so lonely not having a true friend you felt you could confide in. Often you could not get the thought out of your mind, and you were ashamed to tell anyone. If an adult were to ask what was wrong, you might say, “nothing.” You had a hurt and no one else could help; you retire to your own little shell and find no comfort being alone in your dilemma. You feel small, incomplete, abandoned, beaten! “Don’t talk to me, leave me alone…” What starts out as just Twigs and Pebbles may turn to Sticks and Stones if left unchecked.

bully
bully

Sticks and stones may break my bones...

When you’re a child and the first time this happens you are terrified. It may start out as being jeered or heckled. And it doesn’t get better the older you get; generally it gets worse. You are just more sensitive to each and every situation, and soon you mull over little rhymes you first heard as children like, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me,” …but they do. Some feel the pain so keenly that they in fact declare and resolve to never condemn someone else like what has happened to them, not wanting to cause pain like they’ve experienced themselves. Yet on the other hand, some ‘friends’ tend to sympathize with those suffering the humiliation and all the while are inserting a a knife in their back and laughing at them at the same time. We’ve recently heard that some young people have even committed suicide because of the effects of peer pressure.

Where you ever teased as a child?

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“Just because someone says something, don’t make it so”

As a child I remember the rest of the kids ganging up on me and ridiculing me for my freckles, having blonde hair and because my dad was older than their dad. He knew I was hurting and he sat me down on the back steps and had a little talk with me. I’ve never forgotten what he told me that day. “Just because someone says something, don’t make it so,” he told me. He also said that when others talk about someone else it is because of their own insecurity and he better not every hear of me talking down someone because of a disability, a handicap or a deformity. “Talking about others behind their back is cheap, and we don’t do that, if you don’t respond to this bulling, they will eventually leave you alone and start on someone else,” he said. He was right about all of it. If I just didn’t say anything; if I just ignored the bully he would see it wasn’t getting him anywhere and he would generally leave me alone after a while.

left unchecked
left unchecked

Narcissism is not a new term

Later, in college I ran across this developmental problem while studying psychology and my mind was carried back to my own childhood. I found out that the basis for this type of behavior is deeply rooted in children’s minds early in life and if not recognized and dealt with could later develop into much greater problems as the child matures. Narcissism is certainly not a new term but I have seen the effects of its grip on adults at work and even in the descriptive character of those in the news. It is a growing problem and studies are ongoing as to the effects of negative feelings toward others as being one way of trying to elevate one’s own ego and status among friends and within society. This super-ego mentality can lead to criminal activities if not recognized and controlled at an earlier correctible age…

© 2010 SamSonS

Comments

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  • samsons1 profile imageAUTHOR

    Sam 

    7 years ago from Tennessee

    I hear you my Christian brother, times now are certainly better for us all.

    blessings...

  • lifegate profile image

    William Kovacic 

    7 years ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

    Samsons,

    I remember those days. Glad that for the most part those days are over.

  • samsons1 profile imageAUTHOR

    Sam 

    7 years ago from Tennessee

    thanks Dave, I think I knew that guy toolll

  • Dave Mathews profile image

    Dave Mathews 

    7 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

    I ran from a bully for two months until I learned he only had strength when he had followers. Alone he was a wimp.

  • samsons1 profile imageAUTHOR

    Sam 

    7 years ago from Tennessee

    thanks Peggy for sharing your sweet reminisce and comments. It is harder on the kids today and there seems to be such a gap between parent and child.

    also thanks for the ratings...

  • Peggy W profile image

    Peggy Woods 

    7 years ago from Houston, Texas

    It almost seems a right of passage being taught by our parents that "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." I wonder if there is a child alive that has grown into adulthood that was never teased?

    It does seem to be escalating in this day and age with the new tools at hand like cell phones and sexting photos and messages that some naive kids are doing...and later commiting suicide over because they can't live with the consequences. I'm glad that I grew up in the days of old prior to guns in schools, drugs, gangs and the like. So much more for parents to be concerned about in this day and age!

    Rated up and useful.

  • samsons1 profile imageAUTHOR

    Sam 

    7 years ago from Tennessee

    thanks Dave, I agree home-schooling has all but eliminated this problem if the child has this available. The only problem is the majority of kids have to attend public school...

  • DavePrice profile image

    DavePrice 

    7 years ago from Sugar Grove, Ill

    Wonderful word brother. I think that this arena has been the biggest blessing of homeschooling my kids. They have endured their share of hurtful remarks, but at the same time they have been able to develop their own strength of character before having to face this, and it has made all the difference in the world.

  • samsons1 profile imageAUTHOR

    Sam 

    7 years ago from Tennessee

    Thanks Pam for sharing your reminisce. Do you believe kids belittle others just to draw attention away from themselves?

  • Pamela99 profile image

    Pamela Oglesby 

    7 years ago from Sunny Florida

    Samson, My maiden name was Dill so you know what that means. They stopped called be dill pickle in junior high finally. I don't remember it really upsetting me that much because it was usually the "dumb old boys" that teased and they was my take on the situation.

  • samsons1 profile imageAUTHOR

    Sam 

    7 years ago from Tennessee

    *thanks DiamondRN for sharing your reminisce and comments.

    *and thank you Judi for your nice remarks. Studies say that some people put down others because of an inferiority complex- I can see that. They pull themselves up over someone else they've just belittled...

  • Judicastro profile image

    Judicastro 

    7 years ago from birmingham, Alabama

    So true Samson! My last name was little and I can still remember the taunts of Judi little, you're not so little! I was not fat or leaning towards pudgy. I never understood why we as human beings do that to each other.

  • DiamondRN profile image

    Bob Diamond RPh 

    7 years ago from Charlotte, NC USA

    I was fairly short but very athletic. Someone who didn't know me very well might pick on me or one of my friends once or twice; until I'd had enough and then they would usually discover that they had just goofed up. After that they wouldn't do it again. Same thing for bullies.

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