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Understanding Your Child's Behavior

Updated on March 30, 2019
Bilawal Ahmad profile image

Engr Bilawal is currently working on different projects related to Children Psychology. He is working as a teacher and OBE trainer.

It is very difficult to manage children; who are going to be our replacement in the future. A manager of a factory can easily manage hundreds of his/her subordinates in an organization but fails in managing deeds of his/her own child. This obstacle is faced by many parents. Improper management of a child can give rise to many problems. If a parent is reading this article and has experienced this situation, she/he would understand better. Lack of close relation may be a problem but often close relation is troublesome. What are the causes then? It all points to a simple quote, “Always know your enemy: Sun Tzu (Book: Art of War)”, with slight modification, I made it, “Always know your children”. It is important to know your child and then act accordingly.

“Understanding and acting accordingly” behaves differently at different stages of child growth. It depends upon physical as well as mental growth of a child.

“Early age is widely considered the grooming age of a child”, none can contradict this. It is the age when a child learns. Hence they learn whatever is taught. Teaching them could be intentional and unintentional. When parents teach them manners, dos and don’ts etc all include in intentional teaching and it is widely constructive. It totally depends on parents and peers. A change in children reflects his/her family whether it is constructive or destructive. However, unintentional teaching causes more damage than intentional. It is destructive in the majority of cases. Let’s take the example of a father to a child always fight to his/her mother; it ensues a violent behavior in the child. Child no longer gives importance to mother and behave violently to the mother (even to father) if his/her demands are not accepted. Besides, many other examples of infamous serial killers can support the destructiveness of unintentional teaching. Parents and peers must understand that they are a role model for their children. Good parents must be good teachers for their children whatever their age may be.

The teen is widely considered the most problematic age for young souls. Everything changes to their age: desires, thoughts, problems, approach to problems, etc. It is the age when they and their parents think, “They are no longer children”; true in a sense of physical features but false in sense of mental age. They are still children to their parents. They cannot deal with societal problems like their parents do and need instructions at every point; which works better when their relationship with parents is friendly. Great caution is required while dealing them. They may not be self-sufficient but rebellious thoughts can easily grow inside.

They rebel against their parents and teachers. This rebellion is prone to deviance behavior and gives more trouble to parents and society. Crimes are obvious results of this behavior as juvenile delinquencies are common among only troubled-teens. Examples are manifold.

Yet, they are controllable but it will need great effort for parents who did not engage with him/her in early ages; giving rise to a troubled teen. Some aspects and their remedies are discussed below with a short explanation.

Media, either electronic or print, play a key role in mind-building of a child. Majority of psychologists agree to negative impacts of media on the mental health of a child. Benefits must be there, but disadvantages supersede. It further depends on the genre of media; like if a child is fond of watching Fight movies, it produces violent behavior in them. Similarly, behavior changes with a change in the genre of media. One cannot control this factor but can deviate it from a destructive course.

It makes us understand the behavior of the child. Parents must pay attention to watchings of the child. The response must not be direct, as it will make you Darth Wader in their eyes. Just contain him/her and act smoothly to change his/her mind about that specific deviant behavior, programmed by media.

It is not necessary that it always make negative thoughts. If your child loves watching football, then he is showing you his/her path of the future. Make him/her more interested in that particular task and you will have positive results.

Everyone knows about Microwave Oven. This oven uses Microwave to cook things (or warm them up). Surprisingly, the same Microwaves, but in modified form, are released from TV screens, Smartphone (screen`s radiation), laptops (screen`s radiation), gaming Monitors, etc. Besides, there are a bunch of other harming waves, but Microwaves are taken an example for an analogy. A simple and naïve question: if Microwave Oven can heat up food in 2 to 3 minutes, cannot the same be happening in facing other sources of microwaves while sitting in front of it for hours? Not literally though, but it heats up the brain of a child to act violently. It is being noticed by parents. The critical part is when they refused to join other physical and educational activities.

What should be done then? As a first approach, don’t use force. It will make you look like a cruel ruler to them and they can name you “Hitler” at any moment. In contrast, be friendly and join them. It sounds strange but after joining, you both are on the same page. You can make him go out along with yourself. Then after repeating this few times, you can tell him/her the disadvantages of that gaming thing or etc. It will not only remove the habit but close acquaintance with you can also be the result. In the future, they will discuss any matter with you. But patience is necessary.

Last but not least, lack of respect for elders is another key element. Our children fail to give respect to their elders. Often they refuse to call “Dad” to their father. They call parents by name. Similarly, teachers consistently report misbehavior. It seems too little but implies troubles in the future. We should not give up on our children. Don’t just sit and complain about children. Understand them, results will surprise you.


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    • Syed Rukhsar Ali profile image

      Syed Rukhsar Ali 

      10 months ago from Pakistan

      well-done my boy

    • Bilawal Ahmad profile imageAUTHOR


      12 months ago from Mardan, KP, Pakistan

      I am purely sharing my personal experience in my articles. conflict in ideas is obvious


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