The Virgin's Self-Help Guide on Pornography, Partying, and White Lies
Knowledge is Key
This is a self-help guide for virgins seeking advice on how to maintain their V-card and safely navigate the dangerous terrain of temptation. We will examine the truth or fallacy of the "test drive a car before you buy it" theory. We will also provide tips on the dangers of online pornography and how to party like a virgin.
"You know, you should test drive a car before you buy it." As a 30-something virgin, I can’t tell you how many times I've been advised not to get married without first having sex. But is there truth to the theory? How can I really test physically compatibility without sex? What if we tie the knot and discover there is no chemistry between the sheets?
Ever Heard The Sex Theory "Test Drive A Car Before You Buy It?"
It's More Than Sex
Noted marriage counselor and sex therapist Laura Brotherson says that sexual incompatibility is inevitable in marriage. She explains that marriages invariably have challenges for couples to overcome in the bedroom. Point being, everybody faces sexual incompatibility in marriage. It's not just virgins.
"Sexual compatibility is a learned behavior…NOT something you can “test” for. It is the opportunity and responsibility of husbands and wives to learn and grow together sexually, and in all other dimensions as well, throughout the adventure of marriage."
Not everybody who champions the "test drive" theory is a bad person, but many are misinformed. They are speaking strictly in the physical sense and leaving out the spiritual and emotional dynamics. Laura Brotherson goes on to say:
"And since sex is about more than just the “physicalness” of the relationship, they would have no way of knowing how your new relationship and the emotional connection would affect their sexual feelings down the road anyway."
The next time your lifestyle is questioned you have the power to shut down that faulty theory. You can say that is truth for your life. This is the truth for my life.
Party Like A Virgin
I was at a house party a while back with some friends. I had a couple of beers and was at my cutoff limit. This young lady, however, was plastered and all over me. Holding a glass of champagne, she asked me to go to the bathroom with her. I said I wasn’t interested, but she insisted. And she would not take "no" for an answer. She began tugging on my arm and making a scene. Guys standing around began to take notice and look at me like, “Dude, what is your problem? Go to the bathroom.”
It was an embarrassing situation. I felt a mixture of flattery and shame. I wanted the guys at the party to understand my predicament, but this is the life of a virgin. I learned a lot that night. The wisest decision I made that night was to have a cutoff. Knowing that when I drink I become weaker, I knew what line not to cross.
You can find inscribed on the walls of Egyptian temples the maxim "know thyself". How well do know yourself? Do you know your cutoff? Is there a line you will not cross. Knowing yourself comes with time and even crossing the limit. Once you’ve crossed that limit most people promise the porcelain God they will never go there again. I would highly recommend that if you're going to cross the limit, let it be under the protection of your closest friends.
When partying, always expect the unexpected. Expect the punch to be spiked. Expect a drunken guy or girl to want to take advantage of you. Expect the brownie to be laced with some bad stuff. Expect an invitation to go upstairs to be a trap. Spiritually speaking, parties can quickly become the environment of the enemy. The enemy operates through booze and alcohol, making "good" people do bad things, including yourself.
Oftentimes, to party as a virgin means being the smartest person in the room. This takes integrity and knowing what you will and will not do. It requires a special awareness that you are entering into an arena of temptation, drugs and alcohol. Lastly, get to know yourself, your cutoff, and your behavior when you are under the influence. Following these simple tips, you can party like a rock star, have the time of your life, and retain your V-card.
The Porn Trap
One of the major distractions in the path of the virgin is sublimating the desire to have sex with watching pornography. I am a thirty something virgin and struggled to slam the door shut on pornography. I essentially gave myself a pass because I was not having sex like the “others”. Because I am waiting till marriage, I lied to myself that pornography would be the closest thing to sex and easing the tension. But pulling back the curtain on pornography, a violent windstorm of harassing spirits, self-doubt, and chaos is exposed.
First Exposed to Pornography
- A Virgin's Open Letter To Pressure
Waiting till marriage, abstaining, this is an angry virgin's open letter on dealing with pressure and distractions from the world, and developing the strength to hold out till YOU are ready.
- The Virgin's Self-Help Guide On How To Date
5 Rules on dating every male and female virgin must know before entering a relationship, if you desire to keep your V-card.
Break The Chains
I struggled over the years to shut the door. I would quit for a month or two and then find myself being lured back. My main issue was lust, which led to pornography. As a believer, this negative cycle brought me a lot of guilt and frustration. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but something kept reeling me back in.
In my experience, pornography created a harassing spirit. When you’re weak at two o’clock in the morning and surfing the internet, that harassing spirit urges you to take a peak. And then a peak becomes an extended stay; an extended stay a habit.
A popular internet blogger, Dan Mahle, shared his feelings after quitting porn for over a year:
"I didn’t realize how much watching porn manipulated my mind, warping my sexuality, numbing my feelings, and impacting my relationships with women... My year without porn has helped me reconnect to my body and begin to transform my emotional numbness into healthy emotional expression. I’ve begun to expand my sense of self by learning how to move out of my head and into my heart. After many long years void of emotional expression, I’ve reconnected to my tears. This release of suppressed emotional tension has unlocked a lot of joy in my life. All of this has helped me begin to shift my sexuality from mental masturbation and physical detachment to true intimacy, presence, and embodiment."
The blessing I received was getting back in touch with my intuition. The images we are exposed to through pornography are not normal. These images sear the mind and oftentimes never leave. And when you crave pornography, it's all you think about. When I cleared out that junk, it opened me up tremendously to hear my inner voice again. I felt like I was back in touch with myself.
As mentioned earlier, know yourself. Know that alcohol and surfing the internet late night will lower your inhibitions and lure you down dark paths. Know your actions when you get frustrated and need an outlet. Know your actions when you lust and the dangerous fire that burns.
And when you make the decision to quit, check mark each day you don’t bow down to the idol of pornography. It is so powerful to keep track on a calendar, marking daily achievements, and renewing your unique purpose.
© 2014 Oswalda Purcell