ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

What Happens When Your College Freshman Wants to Come Home?

Updated on July 18, 2016
MaryBethRobinson profile image

Beth is a mother of 3. A graduate of the Ohio State University and experience with HR, Career & Tech Ed and lots of mom stories!!

When Your College Freshman Wants to Come Home

The hoopla of graduating from high school has come and gone. Senior pictures are in their frames. Leftover invitations and announcements are put away and thank you cards have been written. It's now getting real. College is just around the corner and your son/daughter is now going to orientation, making schedules, applying for scholarships, buying bedding, computers, lamps and a ton of things they will never use or need. The honeymoon period to college has begun.

Both of you now have this fantasy view of what college will look like. As a parent, we tend to fantasize about our children spending hours on end at the library, making the Dean's List,joining clubs, making new friends, sending them care packages that they will love and appreciate. As a student, they will fantasize about finding their classes easily, having the perfect roommate that will end up being their best friend, going to parties, meeting awesome new people and having fun. Reality tends to be the grey area in between.

in reality, the roommates aren't always awesome, classes are harder than high school, the food isn't great and parties are reserved for the upper classmen. Your child will get lonely, they will become homesick and they will miss what's comfortable and familiar: home. So, as parents what do we do? We want to fix it, make it better, make sure our sad, lonely child is happy again. We let them come home the first few weeks of school. Then what? They miss the familiar and the easy, so they decide that it would just be better to come home, go to the local community college and move back home. What do we do? We let them. That, my friends, is a HUGE mistake.

Life isn't hard and life isn't easy. Therefore, we need to prepare them for what's hard and what's uncomfortable. That means you as a parent, need to lay down the law and send your child back to school. Your child needs to understand that they need to learn how to be independent, how to fail, how to figure things out on their own. If we spend every waking hour fixing things, our children will never become hard working, functional adults. We are raising a generation of needy, incapable people. This will be to their detriment.

Our daughter was a college freshman and she came home the weekend of HS homecoming. The same night, her boyfriend broke up with her. The next morning, she was a mess, she was laying on the couch crying and was inconsolable. She wanted to stay home. Instead of babying her, we did the unthinkable. We told her to get her stuff and she was going back to school. Her college is famous for their huge Halloween weekends. We decided that along with her best friend, she is picking herself up, getting a costume and we drove her back to school. Still a bit of a mess, we dropped her off at her dorm, kissed her goodbye and left our baby girl to deal with her emotional state and her loss on her own. As we drove away, we were thinking, did we do the right thing? Did we do what's best for our daughter? Yes! Yes we did.

We have another friend who's son is playing Division I baseball. He's the total package! He's good looking, he's sweet, he's athletic and now he's going to college about 3 1/2 hours away from home. At first, he was OK being away at school and then slowly he started to miss the familiar. He missed his family, he missed his home, and he missed his friends. He would call his parents in tears begging them to let him come home.. Each time, his mom had to tearfully tell him no. She had to be strong, but allow him to realize that college is an adjustment. Each phone call became easier and easier. He asked to come home less and less. By the time Christmas Break came around, he was fine. He came home to spend time with his family and went back to school. Had his mom and dad gave in, baseball is over, scholarship gone and life will get much harder.

I have seen too many people allow their kids to quit before the first semester was even over. Hell, I knew a kid who left school the first DAY because he realized he was no longer the popular jock on the block, he was just some other freshman football player, and he couldn't handle it. Mom and dad placated to him and that's not fair to your child. Don't be afraid to let go of your child. Don't be afraid to allow your child to make mistakes. Don't be afraid to let them stumble. This is how we grow. This is how we learn. If we, as parents, don't allow our children become independent thinkers, doers and adults, we are doing them a huge disservice. Remember this: your child will stumble, your child will fail, your child will make poor judgments, your child will be lonely and sad. Stand your ground, be loving and be firm and let them know that they are ok to call you for advice, but they are going to have to start making their own decisions. If you do that, your child will end up being so much more prepared for what's in store for them as adults.

Would You Let Your Freshman Come Home?

Would you let your college freshman come home and stay home?

See results


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)