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What to do When Someone Close, Whom You Had Trusted, Caused the Most Hurt !

Updated on April 3, 2017
ChitrangadaSharan profile image

Chitrangada has keen interest in Alternative therapies.As a parent and teacher she shares her real life experiences for benefit of readers.

Forget and Forgive!
Forget and Forgive! | Source
Life goes on and you have to move on!
Life goes on and you have to move on! | Source

So You Have Been Hurt By Someone Very Close, Someone You Trusted!

© Chitrangada Sharan Jan. 2016

All Rights Reserved.

  • Consider yourself fortunate if you have not faced such a situation in life. Of all the people I know or interacted, they have faced such painful situations in life, when they have been hurt by close ones.
  • Do we really care if some passer by or a person whom we know casually says something unpleasant!!
  • We don't!
  • But when a close one, a loved one, a trusted friend, a close relative or a family member causes hurt, it becomes unbearable.
  • Isn't it?
  • When someone we care about gets mad at us, by means of words or actions, it can shatter our mental peace and happiness.
  • This becomes all the more pronounced if the person is someone with whom we are very close and intimate.
  • And if you are slightly sensitive by Nature you can be affected so deeply that you will be unable to function normally and start thinking that life is burdensome.
  • In personal and close relationships, the person who has caused hurt may even refuse to communicate.
  • This might leave you wondering about what he or she may be thinking, feeling, planning or doing.
  • You may live with feelings of fear, disappointment and depression. You may reach to a point where it becomes difficult to focus on your day today life..
  • In other words your peace of mind may be lost.

Be careful about relationships!
Be careful about relationships! | Source
Forgiving is easier than Forgetting!
Forgiving is easier than Forgetting! | Source

What To Do If You Have Been Hurt By Those You Trusted!

If such a thing has happened to you, first of all please understand what you should or should not do:

  • Avoid Anger:

Remember- the first thing is to avoid anger and remain composed. This is not to say that it is very easy to do but you have to do it.

Only if you are okay at this moment, you can then begin to see what your options are.

  • Try And Avoid Impulsive Behaviour--Crying, Shouting, Answering Back.


There is no use talking to an angry person. Reacting in the same way as him/ her will be another big mistake and would make the matters worse.

Any action like this will be a wrong step and the situation may be completely out of hand , never be repaired.

  • Try To Communicate:

It does depend on the person who is projecting his or her anger on to you.

Try everything in your control to communicate with this person who behaved like this with you. You may ask what it was that made his/ her behaviour so upsetting towards you.

That person may or may not respond with a definite answer.

There may be something you are totally unaware about or there can be long term issues.

If those issues are discussed mutually well and good otherwise you may have to find some other way to solve this.

  • Apology:

Apology is a healer.

Apology can take the bitterness away.

Once the anger settles down, chances are that the other person also may realize his/ her mistake or unruly behaviour.

If an apology is called for from either party, please do not debate it.

Go ahead and get it over with.

All you have to do is own it and say the words to make most of the bad feelings go away.

  • Third Party:


Sometimes the other person may not be willing to accept an apology leave alone apologize himself/ herself. He/ she may prefer to stay in a bad mood or an uncompromising mood rather than resolving the issue.

In such a case you might consider bringing in someone else, a third party that is a common friend, a close relative to talk about it.

Forgive your enemies---Nothing irritates them more than this!

It is most painful when someone you trusted the most causes pain and hurt to you!
It is most painful when someone you trusted the most causes pain and hurt to you! | Source

Has someone close caused deep hurt to you in life?

See results

When Nothing Works Out ---Just Move On In Life!

In spite of your best intentions and sincere efforts, When no resolution is available, what you can do:

  • Rely on your own mind and heart to lead you.
  • If you know you did nothing wrong you should try to move on and move ahead.
  • If you did some mistake that was not intentional, then you need to forgive yourself and the other person, so that you can move on.
  • If the other person is not at all ready to talk, to communicate, to discuss or to resolve the issue which has caused hurt and unpleasantness, they usually are not the type of person for whom you should bother much.
  • You can’t find happiness by holding onto a painful story of the past by trying to place in new light into it.. You can only find happiness when you let it go and make room for something better.
  • It is a fact and it is true that you were a victim and someone hurt you badly without your fault due to circumstances. But do not feel bad for yourself, blaming others. It will only hold you back.
  • The only way to experience happiness is to take responsibility and create it, whether other people made it easy for you or not.
  • You are not responsible for what happened in the past but you are responsible for your behaviour now.
  • Why let someone who hurt you in the past rule or destroy your present?


© Chitrangada Sharan 21st Jan. 2016

All Rights Reserved.

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“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!”

- – Steve Maraboli

Forget and Forgive, source: You tube

© 2016 Chitrangada Sharan

Please share your experiences in this regard!

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 15 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I think we have all faced this, haven't we? All wonderful suggestions here. I find it is helpful for me to step back and do nothing for a few days until my anger/pain subsides before taking any action.

    • swalia profile image

      Shaloo Walia 15 months ago

      It's a sad situation which I guess almost everyone faces at some point of life. You have given very good suggestions here and I agree with you that if nothing works, it's better to forgive, forget and move on.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 15 months ago from The Caribbean

      This happens quite often, and you give very good suggestions on healing and moving on. After all,forgiveness is for our own freedom.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 15 months ago

      Sometimes when a friend betrays a person in such a manner that it changes the very dynamics of a family's life, forgiveness has to come from the soul. Sometimes that takes years.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 15 months ago from london

      A most necessary Hub and one well worth reading. I commend you here, Chitrangada. Continue ...continue ...

    • Rachel L Alba profile image

      Rachel L Alba 15 months ago from Every Day Cooking and Baking

      Of course, this has happened to me and I'm sure almost everyone. I think sometimes people who are close to you feel like they are close enough to say whatever they want to you. I don't agree with that, I'm always worried about hurting someone else's feelings. I cry very easily so I leave where I am if I can, and have a good cry and get it over with. I have to depend on God to help me heal from the hurt. Thanks for your hub.

      Blessings to you.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 15 months ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      I like your final comment, "Why let someone who hurt you in the past destroy your present?" This sums it up very nicely. When someone we love has caused us hurt, the best thing that we can do is forgive and move on. We don't know how many times we have been the cause of someone else's hurt, and for us to ruminate about it continually, we are just hurting ourselves.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 15 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I gotta buddy that tells me that when I am confused or think I am hurt: Stop and grab some popcorn and watch the show for a bit. Then make a move if you must. You have great suggestions as to how to spend that "stopped" time.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you billybuc, for your kind words!

      You are right we all have faced this. But we can handle it in a much better way than we handled it in our younger days.

      Yours is a wise suggestion, --to step back for few days till the anger subsides and then decide the next step.

      Thank you for reading and commenting!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you Shaloo, for your thoughtful comments!

      As you said, sadly this has happened with most of us. Although it hurts badly when someone very close has broken your trust and it is very difficult to come out of that painful feeling. But the best option is to move on in life by forgiving that person.

      Thank you for reading and commenting!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you MsDora, for your kind visit and comments!

      Glad you liked the hub. I agree with you that forgiveness is for our own freedom, emotional healing and for our own peace of mind.

      Thank you!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you MizBejabbers, for reading the hub and sharing your thoughts!

      I agree with you that forgiving and forgetting is not an easy task since nothing hurts more than betrayal by a loved one. None of us are so large hearted to ignore this. It leaves scars on our soul. It takes years to recover from this.

      But the wise step is to move on in life for our own benefit.

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you manatita, for reading and appreciating the hub!

      I am glad you consider this topic important. I am sure many people face such painful situations in life. Those who move on emerge stronger and are in fact winners.

      Thank you for your encouraging words!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you Rachel L Alba, for your kind visit and honest comments!

      You are right,--- sometimes people who are close to you feel like they are close enough to say whatever they want to you. Even I disapprove of this. Most of these people whom you love so much, take you for granted. There is no use explaining them, since they do not realize where to draw the line.

      Crying is a very natural reaction and most of us cry in such situations, if not in front of others then alone. This is sometimes good to ease and release tension.

      Communicating with God---Yes, even I do it and he is such a good listener, like no one else. The best therapy one can have in such painful situations.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 15 months ago from london

      I do like Bill, I wait ...

      By nature my response is not bad, but even then I worry. I'm always looking at how I could have been better; say something better; what other response could I have taken.

      Every single one of the people who walked away from me here, are very close to my Heart. I still like them very much! Sensitivity and misunderstanding can become terrible things.

      I wrote a poem once. It's called My Friends Have Become Strangers ..

      Digressing a bit, it's always nice to see you guys from India at this time of the morning. I start early, and it's like you are here, Rajan, Hari, Madan, etc... Cool! Much Love, My Dear Friend.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you denise.w.anderson, for reading and sharing your positive thoughts!

      I am glad you liked the subject of this hub. Most of us face such painful situations in life, when some close ones whom we trusted so much caused hurt to us . It is wise to get over it as soon as possible since if we cling on to it , we will do much damage to ourselves emotionally.

      Thank you for your insightful comments!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you Ericdierker, for reading and commenting on this hub!

      I am glad you liked the suggestions.

      I believe we must make our sincere efforts with good intentions to make peace. For this even dropping that 'ego' is okay with me.

      But sometimes even after all the sincere efforts things do not become normal or the same as earlier. It is then that we must try to move on. There is no use clinging on to 'what had happened' , 'why it happened'.

      Thank you for appreciating the hub!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you manatita, for revisiting this hub and your lovely comments!

      I agree with you that misunderstandings is a terrible thing.

      There is a saying, 'Hate the sin and not the sinner.' I believe there is a reason for people's unpleasant behaviour. We should try to understand that and think and act with compassion.

      Thank you and have a good day!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 15 months ago from California

      Such wisdom in this post!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you Audrey Howitt, for appreciating!

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 15 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      When trust is broken it is difficult to gain back that trust and is not fair to anyone. Interesting and agree with AudreyHowitt.

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 15 months ago from Stillwater, OK

      You have given very sage advice. If someone is known for outbursts and rages, it is best to leave this person behind.

    • emge profile image

      Madan 15 months ago from Abu Dhabi

      Interesting post, but these things happen all the time and one has to live with them. Best to forget and move on in life

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 15 months ago from Dubai

      Great suggestions here, the best thing as you say is to move on in life. This step is difficult but it can be done, forget and move on.

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 15 months ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Very rightly said. To let go, if things cannot be sorted out. After all no relation is more important than personal peace.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you Devika, for sharing your thoughts and I agree with you. It is impossible to trust a person again who has broken your trust howsoever close relation that may have been earlier.

      I appreciate you for reading and commenting on this hub!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you Deb, for reading and sharing your opinion in this regard.

      Life is a teacher and some of the lessons it teaches are bitter truths of life. But we have to accept them even if we may not like them. The good part is that life also teaches us to move on and move ahead with peace.

      Thank you for your kind visit and insightful comments!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you emge, for stopping by and reading this hub!

      You are right that such situations are faced by most of the people. I would be surprised if it was faced by only a few. But we human beings are so good at adapting to the given situations and circumstances and we do that.

      I agree that we must move on by forgiving and forgetting for our own peace of mind.

      Thank you!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you Nithya, for your kind visit and comments!

      I am glad you liked the hub. Forget and forgive is a good principle of life and though easier said than done, this is the best option. And this is for our own peace of mind and progress.

      Thank you!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 15 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you Rajan ji, for your wise words!

      Clinging on to an unpleasant memory can halt our own progress and disturb our mental peace. The sooner we get over it the better.

      Many thanks for reading and commenting!

    • MarleneB profile image

      Marlene Bertrand 14 months ago from Northern California, USA

      These are truly great tips for dealing with betrayal. It must be prevalent nowadays because I see so much talk about it these days. In fact, I recently narrated and produced a book called, "Betrayal." It's a book that describes how married couples should handle betrayal in the marriage. Your tips are very helpful and the one I feel works best is the one that suggests forgiveness. In my life I have found that nothing works like forgiveness and moving on to the rest of my life.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 14 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you MarleneB, for reading and commenting on this hub!

      I agree with you that there is need for more mutual understanding and commitment in relationships today. Something is wrong--blame it on the busy lifestyle which gives less time to be with each other when you need the most, to spend time together. People lack patience, tolerance and forbearance.

      Forgiveness is important for our own mental peace and to move on.

      Thank you for your insightful comment!

    • pinto2011 profile image

      Subhas 14 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Very nice solutions for any such situation. If adhered to, a person can definitely handle the situation better.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 14 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you pinto2011, for stopping by to read this hub!

      I am glad you liked it and found the solutions helpful. Thank you!

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 14 months ago from Minnesota

      What a wonderful hub on dealing with hurt and anger. I agree that we've all had this happen to us. It happened to me when I was diagnosed with cancer 12 years ago. The friends I had trusted and spent the most time with, were the ones that abandoned me when I was sick. Other old friends and family came out of the woodwork. It taught me a lot about myself and how to love myself enough to know when someone is not a true friend. I love your quote on forgiveness versus not trust. It's so true! I forgave those so called friends, but knew I could not trust them. You did a wonderful job with this hub and I love the variety of capsules. Great job!

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 14 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you Linda, for your kind visit and comments!

      I am so sorry to hear about your sickness. God bless you with good health and lots of happiness.

      It is during our hard and difficult times only that we understand who are the real friends and who are fake.

      We all have had our share of such bitter experiences in life. It is better to forgive and forget and move on in life for the sake of our own happiness. It is easy to say that but very tough to do. But this is the best option.

      I am glad you liked this hub and I hope this hub helps those who are passing through such mental agony.

      A very good day to you! Thank you!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 8 months ago

      I see by the poll the majority have suffered in this way. As you wrote, it hurts. I try to wait to respond, time to think and reflect helps me to heal and deal with the person.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 8 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thanks Dianna for your positive feedback !

      I agree with your response. This should be the desirable approach to deal with such circumstances. But normally people find it very difficult to do so.

      Many thanks for your comments and support!

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 6 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      I spent a good part of yesterday in tears after going through this very experience. I was in such pain. And as you say...when hurtful words come from someone you love with all your heart - the pain is deep. Thank you so much for your helpful tips. I'll be sure to practice these.

      Your hub came to me at a perfect time. I prayed for strength and found your wonderful article.

      Blessings and love,

      Audrey

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 6 months ago from New Delhi, India

      I am really sorry to hear that Audrey!

      I can understand and relate to your pain and I wouldn't have written this hub, had I not experienced it myself. It took me lot of time to get over that pain. And that is why I say the sooner we relieve ourselves from such disturbing situations, it is better. It can be harmful emotionally and can adversely affect our health as well.

      I will pray for you --Please be strong and try to move on . Always keep smiling!

      Thanks for appreciating the hub!

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 6 months ago from Dallas, Texas

      Your words of wisdom are evergreen and something to keep in mind as we pass through this world. It is difficult to understand why people hurt the ones they love, but they do. Forgiveness truly does free us from the constant hurt and pain. Thanks for sharing these great ideas.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 6 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you Peg Cole for your kind words of appreciation!

      You are right , forgiveness is for our own peace of mind.

      It is a painful truth that sometimes the most trusted ones cause hurt and we don't have any other option but to move on.

      Thank you so much for your valuable and positive feedback!

    • Gina Welds-Hulse profile image

      Gina Welds Hulse 4 months ago from Rockledge, Florida

      I really appreciate this hub. Thank you for sharing this, as I am currently facing that situation. All we can do is pray for them and love them. Forgiveness is definitely a key to moving on, as well.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image
      Author

      Chitrangada Sharan 4 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Thank you Gina welds-Hulse for your positive thoughts!

      We all face such situations in life and I agree that we should forgive them and pray for them. Because that is the best thing to do for our own mental peace. Ultimately it is the goodness and kindness of a person that wins.

      Thank you so much and thank you for the follow!

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