What to do When YOUR Daughter Starts Dating.
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What to do when YOUR daughter starts dating!
What to do when YOUR Daughter Starts Dating
When my oldest daughter started dating it caused a whole new set of thoughts, research and an action plan. I am a planner by nature so I always have a plan. First we sat down and talked about the rules.
I agreed to let her start dating, as in the boy picks the girl up and they drive off in a car somewhere in the universe when she was 16. We discussed the rules in detail first according to my outline.
Rule #1 She must supply me with his name, address and phone number. I also looked at the most recent year book-pictures to see if I could tell anything from the way he looked. Does he have shifty eyes? Maybe he looks a little over-confident, like a "playa"? Also, it is further proof of his age, what clubs he might be involved in and so forth.
I have the advantage of having several databases that I actually have to pay for related to my other research business so I can get a lot of background that way. In Missouri, we have a wonderful tool that is called CASE NET. It covers most of the counties in Missouri and provides a wealth of information. Futhermore it is free. I have added a link so that you may investigate to see if your state has something similar.
All you need is a partial name (the last name for sure, then I only pop in a few of the person’s letters in the first name slot). That way if Lawrence goes by Larry, I’ll still find almost any law that person has violated including speeding tickets, lawsuits pending involving that person and they include civil as well as criminal violations. Note – some of these violations can be removed if an attorney intervenes on the defendant’s behalf. I will also add that there may be numerous people with the same name. If you have a middle initial it helps exclude some cases. If not, click on parties involved and it will usually list an address of the plaintiff/defendant.
Rule #2 Take his fingerprints! This is where my younger children come in. They have all kinds of stamp kits with little hearts or shapes and inkpads. While waiting for the "could be" date I say something like this, "Girls," in a sing song voice, "lets do some crafts!" Then we get out all the inkpads and stamps and spread them all over the dining room table.
After the unsuspecting "could be" date arrives, I try to make casual conversation, and ask the regular questions, are you involved in any sports or where do you work, introduce him to the girls and say sweetly, "girls show "Larry" how the stamp kit works! Show him how we make fingerprints!"
Way to go dad!
Wear a Disguise & Follow Them
Rule #3 Take photos! Whilst all this stalling conversation is on going, my husband would slip out the back door and take several photographs of the "could be" dates car. Including a real clear one of the license plate! Also, if you decide everything looks okay and you actually let them leave the house together, make sure you ask them to pose for a quick photo. It’s always helpful to have a picture of the person you are letting your daughter drive off with.
Rule #4 While you are making "casual" conversation try to bring up your past mistakes. I have noticed if someone discloses something about himself or herself - the other person may open up and offer a similar mistake. I attempt to lead up to mentioning that I have actually killed before, and probably would kill again, while I check my nail polish. I don’t really feel bad about telling this sort of lie, I mean, I did kill a water-bug in the basement and I really would do it again. It was alive and crawling – I stomped on it and then it stopped crawling. In my book that makes me a killer!
Rule #5 She must have her cell phone on and answer that phone at all times. If she does not answer it due to an unforseen circumstance such as, she is using the rest room, she must return the call with 10 minutes. If she isn't able to return the call within 10 minutes - there is too much going on!
I did get some grief from my daughter about all this inquisitiveness, but she is 23 now and understands why I was so irrational and she has come to forgive me for it.
She brought a guy over that she has been "talking to" last night. I think that is the same thing that my age generation called "going together." I was a little nervous meeting him, because he is really a man. Like, he works in IT and owns his own house and lives alone and all that nonsense!
Just before he arrived, that old irrational fear kicked in and I yelled, "Girls, lets do some crafts!"