- Family and Parenting
The real meaning of being a wife
When we were dating it was great. You brought me flowers, surprised me by coming home early, which I now know was just to check up on me .The first year was great! You loved everything I cooked and had no problem with housekeeping or the way I treated your child. You came home every night and I was the only thing you cared about except your son.
Maybe you misunderstood me when I said I wanted to be your wife, or maybe the word wife has taken on a meaning I missed, after all I have been a carrer woman for the past twenty-five years. my kids are grown and I thought my mommy years were over, but you had this adorable son 2 1/2 years old at the time and he captured my heart as you did. So I made the agreement that I would stay home until he started school. That has been almost 4 1/2 years ago. Our son is in the second grade and I find myself longing for the carrer I studied so hard for. I spend my days alone in the house until our son comes home, I clean, wash by hand, pick up after you and him, and resent the life I gave up. After all how much conversation can you have with an 8 year old and how long can you stand watching "Sponge Bob Squarepants" without going crazy?
And you have changed, our relationship has changed. It has reached the point I want to run and never look back. I thought you wanted a wife, but obviously you had something else in mind. When you said you wanted a wife I didn't think it meant going behind you everyday picking up after you. I don't mind you having me serving you breakfast in bed every day while you lay there relaxing, but could you at least carry your dishes to the kitchen when you finally get up. Do I have to go behind you picking up your dirty clothes off the floor? After all we do have a hamper in the bathroom. You complain about everything I do, " that's not how my mother did it" well sorry i'm not your mother. I am me.
The food is never good enough anymore and the fact that I take care of you and our son "yes our son" because I am the one who attends to his needs, not you. You seem to find fault with anything I do, no matter how hard I work to please you. I clean the house, you trash it out. "Clean it , thats what a wife does" excuse me.... thats what a maid does. This is not the Hilton.
While I sit alone at home trying to relieve my loneliness by writing. You call me to tell me how good the "old" lady you work for is to you. HMMM the funny thing is I'm almost her age. I guess I'm old too. There is one big difference, she has money, I don't, especially since you don't allow me to work where there are any other men around. There is a new term out today "Cougar". It's older women who keep younger men on the side. I wonder. You work late, you always fall asleep as soon as you have the supper I busted my ass to make. Your clothes are clean, scrubbed by hand because you dont have time to fix my washer. I've noticed lately all you talk about is her.
I am begining to feel like a maid, babysitter, and office manager for your business. All you do is bitch. We have nothing in common. You are not interested in political issues , books or anything else that I am interested in. We don't even like the same music. I don't fix my hair anymore, makeup, dress up anymore.... you never even notice. I have become invisible unless you want something.
You spent Thanksgiving with your brother and your friends drinking after I spent all day cooking and cleaning. You came home at 2 am. I threw the dinner I cooked in the trash today. But you expected supper when you got home tonight.
I am writing this to let you know how I feel. Maybe one day you will read it thought I doubt it. I'm the intellectual one. You are still stuck in JR. High school.
But you know whats funny , I really don't care anymore, I am reaching the point of no return. I have realized that I am still what I always have been. Smart, intellectual, still beautiful even at 49. One day you will realize what you have lost.
When I said I wanted to be your wife I didn't mean your mother or your maid.
Feeling really unappreciated
Today even though you knew I wasn't feeling great you always want your way. I gave in as usual, just wanting you to go. It doesn't matter to me anymore. I am so tired. I just want to lie down and sleep and sometimes never wake up. What do I have to wake up for? Another day of cooking, cleaning, babysitting, and waiting on you. I am even to tired to write even though I am on 40mg of adderall, which is a stimulant. I can't even keep my eyes open.
At last you are gone you still call but I silence the phone. I don't even want to hear your voice. Please work late today... Please.